![Fire&Ash](/data/avatars/l/17/17155.jpg?1658903237)
Fire&Ash
Experienced
- Apr 15, 2020
- 221
Well things have happened. I posted on another thread that I would ctb two weeks after my mom visited me and my sisters/nieces out of state. But I decided because of hurtful things said, my inability to functionally do cleaning tasks, me snapping in anger I think from taking Wellbutrin, I feel done. I feel like I can really go.
My mom is still here, she leaves in 7 days. Today is Saturday. I wish to be gone Sunday night/Monday morning. Going to fast for 8 hours, that will be hard...then take my sn. I hope it works. I just don't care and don't feel like I can go any more downhill mentally right now, and I don't see it going up. I know this is selfish, but I'm done. I'm ready.
I finally open up to someone else in my family about this, my aunt, who has taken me in so many times. I told her last night about everything. She cried for me, and asked me to promise not to do it. I didn't exactly say yes. She said she would take me to lunch today then canceled...so. Just kinda over all of it.
Not mad, not sad, just static and no hope. I just saw a post from a girl who said she survived N, god I don't want to survive. I really will snap. I cannot survive. I'll only get shame.
SO. How can I absolutely make sure I don't fail? I have 96% SN and meto. I just can't fail. Thank for reading. If you wanna story just ask.
I'm planning to clear router history tomorrow on my sisters laptop, clean my laptop, make a USB drive of important pictures for family to have. Make letters basically stating what I told my aunt. I don't think my parents really asked me why I was depressed. Just didn't want to ask. I'm leaving my clothes etc in my room, let mom go through with it while she's here. My "funeral" will be in 2-4 days. Then she'll leave on the next Sunday. Perfect
My mom is still here, she leaves in 7 days. Today is Saturday. I wish to be gone Sunday night/Monday morning. Going to fast for 8 hours, that will be hard...then take my sn. I hope it works. I just don't care and don't feel like I can go any more downhill mentally right now, and I don't see it going up. I know this is selfish, but I'm done. I'm ready.
I finally open up to someone else in my family about this, my aunt, who has taken me in so many times. I told her last night about everything. She cried for me, and asked me to promise not to do it. I didn't exactly say yes. She said she would take me to lunch today then canceled...so. Just kinda over all of it.
Not mad, not sad, just static and no hope. I just saw a post from a girl who said she survived N, god I don't want to survive. I really will snap. I cannot survive. I'll only get shame.
SO. How can I absolutely make sure I don't fail? I have 96% SN and meto. I just can't fail. Thank for reading. If you wanna story just ask.
I'm planning to clear router history tomorrow on my sisters laptop, clean my laptop, make a USB drive of important pictures for family to have. Make letters basically stating what I told my aunt. I don't think my parents really asked me why I was depressed. Just didn't want to ask. I'm leaving my clothes etc in my room, let mom go through with it while she's here. My "funeral" will be in 2-4 days. Then she'll leave on the next Sunday. Perfect