Venting This is the end

[cowbain]

I'm done for. I can't believe I've been here since 2019. I'm still young but I just can't do this anymore. It's insufferable. And my issues don't have any easy solutions outside of suicide.

Life really isn't fair at all. I don't know who said that.

I feel like this world is made up of either victims or perpetrators. There's no escaping pain or trauma. Unless you're lucky and was given the privilege of not having to think about the horrors of reality.

I'm literally useless and I just bleed on everyone. It's not fair for other people to need to fix me. My family should've did that. My parents should've did that. They should've never broken me in the first place. Therapy can't help, friends can't help, a partner can't help. There's way too much to fucking fix. And I wanted to be able to fix myself but I just can't anymore. It's not possible to be alone in this world. You get nowhere.

The damage is done and I need a type of help that the world just can't offer me.

 

[deathisnear]

Hugs friend, I can relate to a lot of that, despite being young, but I've had these thoughts since I was young. This world is a cruel place, I hope to ctb this year, people have told me to "get help", they don't understand I don't want it, because it won't work ... I've tried it before. Ctb is my only way to peace

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, life certainly is unfair. It is hard to be trapped in a hopeless situation, sometimes there is nothing that can help us, and the fact is our problems are simply unfixable. I feel a similar way. It gets to a point where we just reach our limit and we cannot deal with it any longer. It is why death brings me a lot of comfort, knowing it is the end of it.

 

[Alec]

I wanted to be able to fix myself too, but there is just too much to fix, like you said. I don't know, I tried so hard to believe that I could do it alone and that I could live a life alone, but I'm learning every day more and more that it's most likely not possible or at least very improbable. I too need a lot of help and the kind of help that I don't think the world can give me, the world is so unfair. I'm so sorry you are going through this too, you don't deserve this, you deserve better! I love you and am sending you the warmest hugs!!

 

[Tintypographer]

I don't want to fix myself either. It's so hard to do and there is so much and I feel like the tiniest thing will cause the whole thing to crash. I feel like I'm in a deep hole and I can build a glass ladder to get out but people keep rolling boulders down at the ladder all the time and smash it while the hole keeps getting deeper.

First I hate having to reframe and make thjngs more positive. It's probably the thing I enjoy least: "your life sucks but let's look on what's good..."

I really understand you and I understand that the world doesnt.


"No, let's start with what can't be fixed at all without a time machine to go back and change things, I'd like to start there and that's the only place I want to start"

Second, there isn't really any way to feel better: I don't actually count in the face of billions of people on the planet and thousands of years of humans. Except for a few people who know me, there isn't a way for me to matter at all and I don't want to matter to these few people. I don't want to be around them, work with them or feel good because of their friendship.

Third, I'm exhausted. Physically and emotionally at a complete wall that makes me not want to get out of bed in the face of dozens of conference calls, people needing me all the time and work that's overwhelming in it's complexity.