This is how I know my family doesn't give a fuck about me

[Cashewmilk]

Because they think I don't deserve anything. This might sound weird but I come from an antinatalist perspective and I'm terrible at expressing things so bear with me. Some of my family who I live with have more than enough money to support themselves and me, but they won't. Because I don't deserve it. Why? Because I'm not worth it. They'd rather throw it away, make me have sex with strangers for money (not my mom lol, actually maybe her too I wouldn't put it past her), live off peanuts from welfare or disability, watch me suffer, than use it to help me. Simply because I don't deserve it, no one deserves money for doing nothing, right? (Even though I actually do favors and chores I just simply can't physically do more) Not even your own family that you live with, if it would help make their life a little easier and bearable, and it's not even that much, peanuts compared to what they have. Nope. Because most people truly don't care about you... that's basically what I learned growing up. It's the principle of it, I learned, you can't just give away free stuff to someone and support them - even if they cannot do it themselves, no, they should go elsewhere like the government or fend for themselves somehow. So wouldn't it be better if I and others like myself were dead and gone, no longer a burden? And if we did succeed in ctb or death in some way, why do the feelings of others who didn't think we deserved anything, matter? If we don't "deserve" help from those who claim to care, then why do they matter and why should their feelings matter?

On another note, my family aren't millionaires BUT, we often talk about winning the lottery, and if I won I would split it all evenly or fairly... but if one of them were to win, I don't think I would get much at all, I'd probably get burned somehow, still begging in the end. Oh and I don't know how I have different values from my own family that raised me, but I'm absolutely not like that. If I was working (or lucky) and had enough extra money to go around and if my family member truly needed it, I would absolutely give it to them. I have been in that situation before many times, I always just love to help because I love them and want them to be happy, it makes me happy to see them happy! Even nowadays I still share and spend whatever crumbs I have to make a loved one happy. I just don't have anyone in my life like that. I guess it means they really don't love me. Not that I care I'm not looking for affection, I just think it's funny when others and pro lifers come out and say "what about your family how can you do that to them by killing yourself?" Or "you just think no one cares but they really do! Someone cares about you. They'd be heartbroken if you died!" LMAO yeah go fuck yourself, they'll get over it and it will be a huge relief.