I had to translate this, may not be perfect , but this was a note to myself a few years ago. Again, it is what it is, was not meant for your eyes. I am not going to edit it after the first post, or try to rectify errors, it is what it is. See it in context.
How you see yourself is everything, you can be a weak person , have a weak body, many medical conditions, almost dead, alone, dyslectic, dysfunctional, unable to work, paralysed, yet still see yourself as a strong person. You have all the reason to, because you can live with pain, you are strong, you not weak. You learned how to live with the pain. You don't care how many times you failed in life, it is meaningless to you, because you know that you will eventually win, and then lose again, and win again, see it is not personal, it's just the way life goes. You learned that when the mind is weak, thought will initiate destructive behavior, and that is why you don't allow destructive thought to lure you to murky places. Remember, pain does not matter to you, you know that you can find joy in your life while having pain. Perhaps you have a memory of a time in your life where you were happy, yet lived with the same pain as you have today. Chronic pain alone cannot take away your ability to find happy moments in your life, it is not possible. Thought may tell you that it is not possible to be happy while in so much pain, but it is simply not true, thought cannot understand happiness, because happiness occurs in the moment, when the mind is empty of self. You cannot tell me that you were never happy before, what about the times when you had so many friends, girlfriends, traveled, you did all of those things with a spinal cord that is wrecked, lung function that are very limited, heart rate problems, and while on schedule 6 painkillers? Remember how you felled down stairs in Singapore, into an old ladies flower market?, after you lost feeling in your legs? What did you do after that? You helped her pickup her flowers, and then you fu^kwn went shopping with a limb, did you not ? you see what I am getting to?
Now, remember this ;
How you see yourself is everything, you can be a weak person , have a weak body, many medical conditions, almost dead, alone, dyslectic, dysfunctional, unable to work, paralysed, yet still see yourself as a strong person. You have all the reason to, because you can live with pain, you are strong, you not weak. You learned how to live with the pain. You don't care how many times you failed in life, it is meaningless to you, because you know that you will eventually win, and then lose again, and win again, see it is not personal, it's just the way life goes. You learned that when the mind is weak, thought will initiate destructive behavior, and that is why you don't allow destructive thought to lure you to murky places. Remember, pain does not matter to you, you know that you can find joy in your life while having pain. Perhaps you have a memory of a time in your life where you were happy, yet lived with the same pain as you have today. Chronic pain alone cannot take away your ability to find happy moments in your life, it is not possible. Thought may tell you that it is not possible to be happy while in so much pain, but it is simply not true, thought cannot understand happiness, because happiness occurs in the moment, when the mind is empty of self. You cannot tell me that you were never happy before, what about the times when you had so many friends, girlfriends, traveled, you did all of those things with a spinal cord that is wrecked, lung function that are very limited, heart rate problems, and while on schedule 6 painkillers? Remember how you felled down stairs in Singapore, into an old ladies flower market?, after you lost feeling in your legs? What did you do after that? You helped her pickup her flowers, and then you fu^kwn went shopping with a limb, did you not ? you see what I am getting to?
Now, remember this ;
- You are not just anyone, you are you, one of a kind
- You only settle for the best, you think the best thoughts, you eat the healthiest food, you care about other people's wellbeing, you are interested in other people's lives, you not self-absorb. You don't go halfway, no, you go over the max, you are not distracted by thoughts. Why do you do all of this? You do this because you are the biggest person in the room. You know what is right, and thus you are taking the lead with confidence. Your presence, your standards. You don't lower your standards for anyone, because you think highly of yourself, and you expect, but do not demand that others think highly of themselves too.
- Your mind is empty of self, tranquil, and focused on the present moment, but why? Because you believe that a strong mind will see you through any situation, and that is where your confidence comes from, and from nowhere else. Let me say this to you again, the stronger your mind gets, the more confident you will become.
- Your mind is your treasure. An empty mind (empty of self) is a powerhouse, which can withstand any type pressure. You know that everything happens in the mind, and nowhere else. You know that mere thought has no control over you, unless you interact with it. You do not entertain destructive thoughts, because you are a strong person, you are the biggest person in the room. Don't forget that.
- Now, one more thing, man the fuck up man, no seriously dude, man the fuckup.
- As a man, you are strong, your mind is masculine, you provide safety for your woman, you don't send her self pity messages, no, you keep that shit to yourself. You know how bad your situation is, it took you years, and years to develop skills to deal with it, no one else needs to deal with it. I am not saying that you have to hide your physical pain (it is difficult to hide limping after a fall), but when it comes to emotional stability while in pain, that is where you need to be strong, because your lady needs to be protected by you. You know your situation, you know that you not getting out of it, you know you have to make the best of a really bad deal, you know all of these things, and that is why you have decided to cultivate mental skills to help you overcome suffering, and help you find joy in the moment, even in the most painful movements of your life. You are compassionate towards yourself. You understand your problem better than any other person on this planet, that is why you have compassion towards yourself. You understand, you understand that it will hurt like hell, you understand that you will feel depressed, and that there will be hard days ahead, you understand all of your symptoms, but you also understand that your happiness is separate from the pain that you going through, don't mix the two, they need to be separate.
- Your lady fell in love with you, because of your strong mind, she knows that you are dealing with pain, you made her laugh while enduring so much pain, and that is why she looks up to you, she feels protected when she is around you. You help her deal with her problems, on an intellectual, and emotional level, you are there for her 100%. She knows that you are a man, a man who knows how to deal with himself within, you won't let her down, because you know how to not to be controlled by negativity. You showed her the way. In her eyes, you are her safety net, so don't be a little nagging bitch, you got that?
It is all about selflessness, an empty mind, meaning empty of self. It is not about you, it is about everything.
