Venting This Girl.. I misss her so much. And i hate myself for it 😞

[Ilovetoomuch]

I am a person who deeply cares. And I'm 18 and I fell in love with a girl who even though was living a distance away from me connection felt real. She initiated and started flirting with me. And the connection felt real. And sometime afterwards idk why she distanced herself from me like she loved me in the first place used to leave convos dry and slowly drew back. And then she had to see me go through my suicide attempt. But as I talked to her I got to the realization that I'm a burden on her and was messing with her "peace of mind"
So I said my goodbye to her and told her how much I loved her for one last time. And even though she replied back saying that she loved me too.... At this point I was convinced that she never actually meant what she said so I never reached back but "I loved her" And it's been 2 months and I miss her so much.
And I'm starting to Hate myself because I know that she probably doesn't feel the same way.. And probably doesn't like me.

And probably doesnt give a shit about me cause why would she

Or maybe she does cause she always told me that she loved me but her actions are the quite opposite. :(

Even though in the very early days of our short relationship thingi she said that she loved me and initiated everything.

I feel like reaching back but idk if she actually means when she says that she loves me cause her actions are different. So what do I do . ?????

I just want someone to love me and help me . I feel so unloved.I really can't take it. Im tired man. It's been years I've not had any genuine friends who care Or anybody... Killing myself feels like the last resort :(

I can't think clearly most of the time so sorry if I said something wrong. I'll be happy to make friends here.

 

[Worndown]

The statement nobody wants to say or hear...you are young. Life throws a lot at us and some of it does not work out as we wish.
It is likely she is young too. Same problem there.
It sounds like you pilled back, so you initiated that. It does mean you care.
Give it some time. The two of you may work through this, you may not. You will not know unless you try.
Reach out for support when needed. This place is full of interesting relationship experiences.

 

[Ilovetoomuch]

The statement nobody wants to say or hear...you are young. Life throws a lot at us and some of it does not work out as we wish.
It is likely she is young too. Same problem there.
It sounds like you pilled back, so you initiated that. It does mean you care.
Give it some time. The two of you may work through this, you may not. You will not know unless you try.
Reach out for support when needed. This place is full of interesting relationship experiences.

... But I just don't understand that she initiated everything. Told me that she loved and everything. It all felt very real and uniquely different but then she pulled away.

But I think ur right in some way :)
Thanks for ur advice man

 

[Worndown]

Well, maybe she liked you and took the first step. Sometimes it is the girls doing that.
Whoever started this, work with what you have right now.
Is there a future? Find out.
If not, no reason to run to the bus right now. Loss hurts. Your connection ended. We are social creatures and do not take separation well.
She is also experiencinh this.

Bad thought...unless she played you.
If she stuck with you through your attempt, that is less likely. That is when people usually run away.

 

[Ilovetoomuch]

Yeah, I think she did play me lol. But the beauty of this is that I still Love her and wish her all the best . And yeah your right I should focus on what I have rn.
Thanks worn down
Thank for the positive words :)