Discussion This forum is keeping me alive

[LivingToLong]

Well, not literally speaking but kind of...

I originally signed up here for the purposes of research, not just methods but also discussion around the subject of suicide. I am suicidal (hello, my name is not LivingToLong and I am suicidal) and I want out for myself and I want to see the path made simpler and less taboo for others.

I found the information I wanted (the link to the PP handbook was an unexpected find) and I read more about the other methods, and the successes and attempts. I found the reality of suicide (from testimony, pics and videos) to be quite chilling and so I stepped back from the edge. I began to read the stories behind the desires to cbt (an acronym I learnt from here btw), and I have been sincerely moved by the anguish and pain expressed.

I've found the discussion and openness in this forum to be liberating. As I've said elsewhere, my partner is not supportive (I'm not critical of them for that either, I understand) so I've not otherwise found an outlet for the 'things that must not be said'. I don't use social media of any form and my forays onto forums have always been for research purposes; I've never lingered nor been a part of the community. Tbh, I found the notion of 'community' in an anonymous internet forum to be an abstract one, one that I don't understand. In fact, I was dismissive of it. I thought - in my ignorance - there could be no such thing.

However, by gauging my reactions to this place, I have realised I am wrong. I've become engaged in reading the discussions and almost eager to take part in some. Life has sparked in me since joining up. So thank you, thank you to every single one of you who contribute to this place and make it what it is.

 

[Manaaja]

I have similar experiences with you! I, too, originally thought to only use this site for research, but seeing honest talk about suicide and seeing people actually attempt suicide made me rethink things.

While I'm glad this forum exists, I'd be happier if I could talk about suicide in real life and on other social media without people spamming "Suicide is bad and selfish, seek help!". But yeah, this forum is nice and very important for many of us.

I'm glad you're enjoying it here. :)

 

[martha]

I would also like to thank the people in this forum, who are opening up and sharing their most vulnerable and private thoughts.
This means enormously much to me.
Thanks to the admins to create such a supportive and understanding place, where you feel free and not judged.
I had some terrible experiences with psychiatry, where you are only meant to get functioning, in whatever weird sense, just being overdosed in medication and treated like a car that needs to be seen by a mechanic.

Imo we all have a right to choose freedom, this should be accepted in society and we should not be punished by taking away our dignity or being traumatized and threatened.
My dream would be a society in which I can walk into a pharmacy with my head up and just get what I need to a fair prize without fearing to be caught and locked away as if I was committing a crime.

 

[Redrock]

When I came here I only knew I should die somehow. Thanks to this forum, I now know how I'm going to die. The strangest thing is that the older forum users who are now dead have become my role models. Their messages, thoughts and plans remained in the forum archive. And you can read their messages, even though they are not among us long ago.