333olivia
Member
- Jun 2, 2021
- 8
I feel like a failure and I don't know what to do with my life. I've tried to OD twice and it failed and now I tried to do a partial hanging but I wasn't able to. Idk if it was because of the knot or my technique or maybe I'm just a coward. I didn't except the rope to hurt so much and I thought i was supposed to pass out in 3-5 seconds but i didn't and my instincts kicked in. I don't have any place to to a proper hanging at home and I probably wouldn't have the courage anyway. I feel like I have no option but to live and keep suffering, I've been going on a really self destructive episode with alcohol and pills and arguing with everyone I know but my parents have already stopped all that by locking me at home and taking away all my money. Im a NEET so it doesnt make much difference but the money does because I cant buy alcohol. My days recently have just been going crazy having breakdowns and panic attacks alone at home while my mom is at home and im alone. Idk, everything sucks. Weirdly enough because I dont have any method im capable of doing I dont feel suicidal anymore, I just want to destroy myself but now i cant anymore. Its just pure emptiness and psychosis now.