Thinking about today

[-nobodyknows-]

It's starting to hit me now. The loneliness this day brings. I managed to get through most of the day, but as usual, it always hits when the sun sets. This sad, crushing realization that I am all alone.

I wonder what I would do if I actually had someone I could spend this day with. It's hard to think about; the idea just seems absurd. I've always spent this day on my own.

My only companion is that ever-present feeling. The one that hangs around me, slowing my movements, making me feel as if I am wading through water. It is the only touch that I feel. The only one who embraces me.

If I could have been a stronger person, if I had someone in my life, I would have liked to make them smile today. I don't know how I would have done so, but it is something I wish I could have seen for myself.

I wonder how it would feel to be treasured by someone else. To mean everything to them. Someone like that would probably mean the world to me too.

It is so hard to think about these things. I feel like there is some sort of mental block in my mind, a dam holding back the pain these feelings would cause me. It's kind of funny, in a way. I know it's something I want so much, but when I try to think about what it is that I want, my mind is strangely empty, as if a false wall has been put up. "Don't think about such things. It hurts too much." I can feel the tears forming in my eyes, but they refuse to fall.

I know deep in my heart that this is for the best. Someone as broken as I am should not seek out such things. It would only cause others to suffer. I barely have the strength to keep moving forward. So much so, that right now I don't even know what I am doing, or where I am going. I am simply trying to do what I would think a normal person would do. And it is so tiring, so painful. Someone like me would be the absolute worst possible partner. I would only be a burden.

When I see others who have managed to find good partners, I feel strange. It's true, I wish I could have something like that. But… I am also so happy for them. I think it's because I understand just how wonderful it is to have someone like that. Someone who has chosen to love you. I really do think it is one of the best things that can happen to a person.

 

[Princess_Kitty]

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely, I am lonely too. I'm married yet I'm still lonely, shouldn't be but it is. We both love each other very much, but my wife barely spends any time with me. Our day to day schedule is we both wake up early, she goes to work. She gets home from work, talks to me maybe for few minutes then plays games until bed time and barely talks to me at all for rest of night. Loneliness just sucks so bad, most of day when she's at work I just spend all day crying and sleeping. I don't have anyone else to talk to either. I understand what you're going through and I'm sorry you're in pain. If I could I'd give you a big hug...but a virtual one will have to do *Hugs*.

 

[sadalways]

I completely understand how you feel. Being lonely sucks so much and i'm sorry you have to go through that too. These thoughts hit really hard especially in the evening/night and at times, at least for me my whole body feels like it's in physical pain. I wish nobody in this world had to be lonely.

 

[NonEssential]

It would be nice to not be lonely and have a partner or physical friend, but idk who would deserve the terrible fate of being with someone as lame as me.

 

[Richard Langford]

If you're talking about long-term romantic relationships, in my country over 2/3rds of people get divorced and a significant proportion of those not divorced are arguably unhappily married. Don't get overly upset. Valantines Day is primarily a marketing technique to just get people to spend money.

 

[Kyotospade]

I've seen you over and over on here and you've always caught my eye . I'm sorry things aren't great and I understand how you feel. Loneliness fucking sucks.
If you're ever looking for someone to talk to I'd love to message.