nkbodyz
New Member
- Jan 22, 2024
- 4
Saturday, February 24th, 3:02 am
As a child I've never been out much, never did anything much, I loved art and music found comfort in ceramics but most of my life I've been inside. Mostly because of getting bullied and having depression and anxiety from it. When the social fears became too much, I quit ceramics, kept drawing sure, but then I quit. I've spent most of my life with headphones on, listening to whatever music I've picked, either to impress my old-school grandfather, listening to music older than me, spending my life inside. I never did much of anything, and I regret that now, I want to return to being a kid, doing whatever I can, no matter how much money it would cost. Climbing trees and having fun. I don't think I will ever experience that now. I want to return back, re-live.
I want to study more, be smarter.
I wish I could've overcame my social anxiety, I wish I could return to dance classes I abounded and danced in a performance under the stage lights.
I wish I could run through the fields, tripping over every single stump on the way and get bruises from falling.
I wish I connected more, had more friends than two.. or is it one?
I wish I could spend more time with my grandfather, who lived so close to me, I wish he didn't die alone that day.
I wish I could be a kid again.
I wish I wouldn't stare at the oven, rope, cliff, pills, knife, thinking if it's worth it.
I wish I could live to be old, see the things around me, getting older with me.
I wish I could've cherished the things around me more, but it's all gone now
Everything is gone.
I live in a world in which I'm not welcome in.
I'm living in a memory, that no one returns to.
I know I can't do this anymore, that I can't continue.
And to you, reading this,
Please, try to be better than me.
I'm going to live to my birthday, and then I think that's going to be it.
I'm gone.
I'm sorry my little self, I'm sorry nobody around us could love us, I'm sorry I didn't cherish you, I'm sorry I'm not the way you wanted me to be.
As a child I've never been out much, never did anything much, I loved art and music found comfort in ceramics but most of my life I've been inside. Mostly because of getting bullied and having depression and anxiety from it. When the social fears became too much, I quit ceramics, kept drawing sure, but then I quit. I've spent most of my life with headphones on, listening to whatever music I've picked, either to impress my old-school grandfather, listening to music older than me, spending my life inside. I never did much of anything, and I regret that now, I want to return to being a kid, doing whatever I can, no matter how much money it would cost. Climbing trees and having fun. I don't think I will ever experience that now. I want to return back, re-live.
I want to study more, be smarter.
I wish I could've overcame my social anxiety, I wish I could return to dance classes I abounded and danced in a performance under the stage lights.
I wish I could run through the fields, tripping over every single stump on the way and get bruises from falling.
I wish I connected more, had more friends than two.. or is it one?
I wish I could spend more time with my grandfather, who lived so close to me, I wish he didn't die alone that day.
I wish I could be a kid again.
I wish I wouldn't stare at the oven, rope, cliff, pills, knife, thinking if it's worth it.
I wish I could live to be old, see the things around me, getting older with me.
I wish I could've cherished the things around me more, but it's all gone now
Everything is gone.
I live in a world in which I'm not welcome in.
I'm living in a memory, that no one returns to.
I know I can't do this anymore, that I can't continue.
And to you, reading this,
Please, try to be better than me.
I'm going to live to my birthday, and then I think that's going to be it.
I'm gone.
I'm sorry my little self, I'm sorry nobody around us could love us, I'm sorry I didn't cherish you, I'm sorry I'm not the way you wanted me to be.
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