BBY
Done for.
- Feb 18, 2023
- 85
I'm just now thinking about the fact that while I'll be dying the rest of my family will be sleeping peacefully in their bed. It seems so strange to me. One room over my brother is getting rest so he can get up for work the next day- in the morning he and my dad will get up, going about their morning routine before leaving. Meanwhile, under the assumption that I succeeded, my cold body will be laying in my bed. My mom will wake up and go about her day, probably opening my bedroom door to let my cat in so he can meow around before going to sleep on my bed, beside me, or chair. He'll probably meow for a bit before realizing I won't reply and just go about what he wanted to do. My mom will most likely let me sleep till 12 before calling my name to wake me up. After a while of calling she'll come to my room, telling me to wake up only to realize that I have passed on. How will she feel? Despair? Fear? Will she be overwhelmed? Will she call my father or just sit down? Will she hold me? Will she love me the way she couldn't while I was breathing? Will she blame herself? How will the rest of my family feel? When will they find out about it? Will she immediately tell everyone else to get support or will she take time? So many questions that I want to know the answer to. The biggest one is if people will blame themselves though.
I think my emotions are currently on a roller-coaster. Despite knowing what ctb entails for me I feel like it's by far more for the people that have to life on. Can I really put that kind of burden on them? Do I have the right to do something like that?
(If anyone read this word vomit thank you. I just needed to put my thoughts into words.)
I think my emotions are currently on a roller-coaster. Despite knowing what ctb entails for me I feel like it's by far more for the people that have to life on. Can I really put that kind of burden on them? Do I have the right to do something like that?
(If anyone read this word vomit thank you. I just needed to put my thoughts into words.)