thinking about ending it all tonight

[nemesis_]

it's just me and my brother at home. i'm gonna wait till he falls asleep to attempt. my only option is partial using a scarf as a ligature and my window as an anchor point.

i genuinely have nothing to live for. i'm ugly. i lost all my potential by drinking to the point of wrecking my brain. i drank to cope with all my issues, which in turn gave me an even bigger issue to deal with. i can't live like this anymore. i'd give anything to go back in time and stop myself from ever tasting alcohol.

oh, and how could i forget seroquel? fuck seroquel with all my heart. if you didn't know, antipsychotics shrink your brain with prolonged use. my psychiatrist prescribed it to me as a sleep aid. guess you can't have insomnia if your brain's too fried to overthink.

i'd give anything to go back to being my old self even if it means still being ugly. i'd rather still be ugly but with my brains and personality. don't drink, kids. and don't take antipsychotics if you aren't the target group for them. research any med your psychiatrist prescribes you before taking it. i wish i did.

most likely i'll chicken out due to my fear of failing and ending up worse off. but in case i do attempt tonight:

i wish things could've gone differently. i had so much potential. everyone around me thought i was incredibly intelligent and destined for greatness. i threw it all away because i let my mental illnesses take over while i was still in middle school. i let the bullying get to me when i should've just ignored those morons. then i developed body dysmorphia and everything went to total shit. i started drinking as soon as i legally could (16 where i live). my drinking was mostly sporadic. i didn't start drinking daily until summer 2023. i didn't even realize how much i was drinking until i stopped and started hallucinating. i know alcohol withdrawal can be deadly…and boy do i wish i died that night. i shouldn't have lived past 18.

i tear up whenever i reminisce about the old days when everything seemed possible and my looks were at the bottom of my priority list.

i truly wish things didn't have to be this way. i don't wanna put my family through even more than i already have, but i can't go on like this. this world is so unbelievably cruel. and the worst part? this isn't society's fault, it's nature itself. mother nature is an evil, sadistic bitch. which circle of hell are we in that requires living creatures to eat one another to sustain themselves? what kind of fucked up system is this? and it's all pointless anyway. "oh, well, you have to reproduce…because..!!! you have to!!!" and don't get me started on how nature favors cruelty and sociopathy.


i'm done with all this. human consciousness was a mistake. i wish i was spared the suffering.

 

[TBONTB]

I hear your pain and wish for peace.

Im worried though that your method is going to end in you being worse off. Partial has a pretty low success rate. With your brother nearby it seems you might be found and then end up with an ambulance ride.

Give some thought to whether today is the right day. Don't want to see you worse off.

Also, I so relate to the pain of a happier past and mistakes made. It sucks.

 

[nemesis_]

I hear your pain and wish for peace.

Im worried though that your method is going to end in you being worse off. Partial has a pretty low success rate. With your brother nearby it seems you might be found and then end up with an ambulance ride.

Give some thought to whether today is the right day. Don't want to see you worse off.

Also, I so relate to the pain of a happier past and mistakes made. It sucks.

really? i thought partial had a pretty high success rate, considering it's one of the most commonly used methods in places like psych wards and prisons. a lot of people die this way. i've also read a bunch of different studies on successful hangings and in a lot of them, partial was more common than full hanging.

also, my brother's a very heavy sleeper which is why i'm not really worried about him walking in on me.

 

[TBONTB]

really? i thought partial had a pretty high success rate, considering it's one of the most commonly used methods in places like psych wards and prisons. a lot of people die this way. i've also read a bunch of different studies on successful hangings and in a lot of them, partial was more common than full hanging.

also, my brother's a very heavy sleeper which is why i'm not really worried about him walking in on me.

Sounds like you are comfortable you've done your research

My understanding is it has a lower success rate than full. I considered it but decided it wasn't right for me...but of course people are successful with it, there are famous examples.

I think the fact that studies show there are more deaths with partial is because there are a lot more attempts. But a lower success rate overall.

Another challenge is finding the right spot to apply pressure. And of course SI can definitely kick-in.

If you are wanting to read more there's a great thread from a woman named Evelyn..try a search if interested

Sounds like you are comfortable you've done your research

My understanding is it has a lower success rate than full. I considered it but decided it wasn't right for me...but of course people are successful with it, there are famous examples.

I think the fact that studies show there are more deaths with partial is because there are a lot more attempts. But a lower success rate overall.

Another challenge is finding the right spot to apply pressure. And of course SI can definitely kick-in.

If you are wanting to read more there's a great thread from a woman named Evelyn..try a search if interested

Evelyn's complete guide on how to hang yourself with both partial and full suspension hanging

Are you new to hanging? Or maybe just trying to find out if hanging is the right method for you? This reading guide has you covered! This is your one stop shop to both partial suspension hanging and full suspension hanging. This is a reading guide to the guides I published on this forum so far...

sanctioned-suicide.net

In case you haven't seen this

 

[hell toupee]

You may want to be careful.

I support everyone's right to do what they want with their life, however, if you aren't successful, or don't have everything dialed in, there is a *possibility* that you fail and end up with a large purple bruise around your neck and exploded capillaries all over your face - which would be hard to explain or make excuses for.

Since it seems you've done your homework, not sure if that entailed reading through the mega thread, but if not, you should.

Partial involves a tight balance of knot/rope placement and body position (in order to occlude the carotids and pass out quickly). Any disruption to that delicate positioning, such as involuntary movements, thrashing around, etc., and the blood flow gets restored and you survive. This has happened to a lot of people in that mega thread.

IMO, partial requires a lot of trial and error, that is, if you don't want to suffer and need to pass out quickly. Since everyone's anatomy is different, getting the carotids blocked can be tricky.

Just don't want you to end up worse, or being sent to the psyche ward if you fail and someone notices red spots and a big bruise around your neck, or hears you thrashing around and comes in and saves you.

 

[nemesis_]

Sounds like you are comfortable you've done your research

My understanding is it has a lower success rate than full. I considered it but decided it wasn't right for me...but of course people are successful with it, there are famous examples.

I think the fact that studies show there are more deaths with partial is because there are a lot more attempts. But a lower success rate overall.

Another challenge is finding the right spot to apply pressure. And of course SI can definitely kick-in.

If you are wanting to read more there's a great thread from a woman named Evelyn..try a search if interested

Evelyn's complete guide on how to hang yourself with both partial and full suspension hanging

Are you new to hanging? Or maybe just trying to find out if hanging is the right method for you? This reading guide has you covered! This is your one stop shop to both partial suspension hanging and full suspension hanging. This is a reading guide to the guides I published on this forum so far...

sanctioned-suicide.net

In case you haven't seen this

yeah i looked it up on another browser to bypass the hotline thing and it's true, partial hanging is less lethal.

sadly, i can't just get a rope since that would arouse suspicion. and even if i could get said rope, i don't have an anchor point for it :/ i don't have access to substances like heroin or fentanyl so i can't od on those. really the only method that's available to me is partial, hence why i chose it.

i hate that i can't just go to a pharmacy and get a lethal dose of pentobarbital lol.

 

[TBONTB]

yeah i looked it up on another browser to bypass the hotline thing and it's true, partial hanging is less lethal.

sadly, i can't just get a rope since that would arouse suspicion. and even if i could get said rope, i don't have an anchor point for it :/ i don't have access to substances like heroin or fentanyl so i can't od on those. really the only method that's available to me is partial, hence why i chose it.

i hate that i can't just go to a pharmacy and get a lethal dose of pentobarbital lol.

I am so with you there. I'm ready, it's not quite time. But it's hard to find a way.

 

[idiotmother]

it's just me and my brother at home. i'm gonna wait till he falls asleep to attempt. my only option is partial using a scarf as a ligature and my window as an anchor point.

i genuinely have nothing to live for. i'm ugly. i lost all my potential by drinking to the point of wrecking my brain. i drank to cope with all my issues, which in turn gave me an even bigger issue to deal with. i can't live like this anymore. i'd give anything to go back in time and stop myself from ever tasting alcohol.

oh, and how could i forget seroquel? fuck seroquel with all my heart. if you didn't know, antipsychotics shrink your brain with prolonged use. my psychiatrist prescribed it to me as a sleep aid. guess you can't have insomnia if your brain's too fried to overthink.

i'd give anything to go back to being my old self even if it means still being ugly. i'd rather still be ugly but with my brains and personality. don't drink, kids. and don't take antipsychotics if you aren't the target group for them. research any med your psychiatrist prescribes you before taking it. i wish i did.

most likely i'll chicken out due to my fear of failing and ending up worse off. but in case i do attempt tonight:

i wish things could've gone differently. i had so much potential. everyone around me thought i was incredibly intelligent and destined for greatness. i threw it all away because i let my mental illnesses take over while i was still in middle school. i let the bullying get to me when i should've just ignored those morons. then i developed body dysmorphia and everything went to total shit. i started drinking as soon as i legally could (16 where i live). my drinking was mostly sporadic. i didn't start drinking daily until summer 2023. i didn't even realize how much i was drinking until i stopped and started hallucinating. i know alcohol withdrawal can be deadly…and boy do i wish i died that night. i shouldn't have lived past 18.

i tear up whenever i reminisce about the old days when everything seemed possible and my looks were at the bottom of my priority list.

i truly wish things didn't have to be this way. i don't wanna put my family through even more than i already have, but i can't go on like this. this world is so unbelievably cruel. and the worst part? this isn't society's fault, it's nature itself. mother nature is an evil, sadistic bitch. which circle of hell are we in that requires living creatures to eat one another to sustain themselves? what kind of fucked up system is this? and it's all pointless anyway. "oh, well, you have to reproduce…because..!!! you have to!!!" and don't get me started on how nature favors cruelty and sociopathy.


i'm done with all this. human consciousness was a mistake. i wish i was spared the suffering.

I'm sorry for your suffering. I'm on seroquel too and I want to die because of it. Freaking poison, it's atrocious what these drugs do to us. It's criminals who prescribe them.

I wish you peace and luck if you attempt tonight, but I also obviously hope you live. Have you ever attempted to taper them but seroquel?

 

[nemesis_]

I'm sorry for your suffering. I'm on seroquel too and I want to die because of it. Freaking poison, it's atrocious what these drugs do to us. It's criminals who prescribe them.

I wish you peace and luck if you attempt tonight, but I also obviously hope you live. Have you ever attempted to taper them but seroquel?

seriously, psychiatrists are evil. and imo, psych meds are just chemical lobotomies.

i stopped taking seroquel back in july because of all these issues. but whenever my insomnia gets real bad, i get the urge to pop one again.

 

[Liebestod]

antipsychotics shrink your brain with prolonged use

Me being prescribed an antipsychotic and being in shock, but in all seriousness if you go through with an attempt I wish you peace.

 

[nemesis_]

Me being prescribed an antipsychotic and being in shock, but in all seriousness if you go through with an attempt I wish you peace.

yeah…i also found out after the fact. my psychiatrist didn't say a word.

also, thank you

 

[idiotmother]

seriously, psychiatrists are evil. and imo, psych meds are just chemical lobotomies.

i stopped taking seroquel back in july because of all these issues. but whenever my insomnia gets real bad, i get the urge to pop one again.

You may have a chance of feeling better soon then. No expert, but maybe the longer the drug is out of your system the better you'll feel? Isn't the case with everyone though. Insomnia is horrific. I suffer from it to even with the seroquel, can't sleep past 530/6 am. I just want to die. Sleep deprivation is hell , plus all the daytime fatigue and not feeling any joy from anything.

 

[nemesis_]

Yo

You may have a chance of feeling better soon then. No expert, but maybe the longer the drug is out of your system the better you'll feel? Isn't the case with everyone though. Insomnia is horrific. I suffer from it to even with the seroquel, can't sleep past 530/6 am. I just want to die. Sleep deprivation is hell , plus all the daytime fatigue and not feeling any joy from anything.

no sadly since my issues were mainly caused by alcohol. seroquel just exacerbated the effects, but the main offender was alcohol (i know this since my symptoms started after binge drinking, but were made worse when i took seroquel a few days later after having two glasses if wine a few hours prior). i'm finally seeing a doc this monday to clear things up though.

even if this issue cleared up, i'd still be suicidal since my main problem is my looks. my unattractiveness is why i started drinking in the first place.

and man do i feel you regarding insomnia…it's absolutely horrific. a few days ago, i genuinely threw a tantrum because i just. couldn't. sleep. me, a grown ass 20 year old woman, thrashing around all because of sleep deprivation. it's so frustrating. makes me crave the relief of seroquel.

 

[Off_Switch]

It's my birthday today and I am drinking alone. I couldn't imagine waiting at the bust stop sober. I hope I can booze it up enough to take myself out. Maybe we'll get there at the same time. Cheers .