Help Things To Do When You Have No Hope?

[kane]

Every now and then I get hit by this overwhelming wave of despair. Usually it's when I've been out in public, and being around people has reinforced how insanely alone I am. My typical response would be to binge eat, or binge something else, until I forget, or to vent online. But obviously those aren't effective. I'm looking for some alternatives - short term, instant things to do when you feel the hopelessness gripping you. Not talking about long term productive things here, or anything that requires real effort or focus. Just something to do to take the edge off a bit until my mind returns to it's background level of despair. Something non-destructive - not drinking, smoking, cutting etc. But also not productive - I don't want to go for a run, or do art, or anything that requires a belief that things will ever not suck. So far all I have is listening to music, but that gets old fast.

 

[Tackingintothewind]

I normally find that reading helps me, as it takes all my attention

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Headbanging? Not too hard, could give concussion.

 

[summers]

This would be the perfect song to listen to when you feel hopeless:

 

[LittleBabyNothing]

Films, walks, hot bath or shower, painting my nails, building a blanket fort. Not sure if they are the sort of suggestions you're after... when i'm feeling despaired i typically turn to weed till i shut down or sleep.
If therapy is your thing, have you tried mentalisation based therapy to aid emotional regulation and tolerance. Or to go further with cbt or dbt to address and manage the triggers to feeling despair.
Prempting and allowing the fall out can ease it. i can't handle the world or people so when i have to engage i plan so that on my return home i can just collapse, feel like hell but not have any other demand on me. Allow rest and recovery before i attempt any kind of functioning again. Depending on the task it can take few hours or up to days for me to get stable again.

 

[signifying nothing]

Yep, come here, vent, think about dying.

 

[kane]

I normally find that reading helps me, as it takes all my attention

I used to rely on that a lot, but now I find myself unable to invest in a narrative. My mind just refuses to engage.

Headbanging? Not too hard, could give concussion.

I mean a nice concussion might help me to forget...

This would be the perfect song to listen to when you feel hopeless

Mmmm, that's not bad. I tend to go with slower tempo more doomy stuff, but I could imagine playing that.

Films, walks, hot bath or shower, painting my nails, building a blanket fort.

Lol, I wish I could still get enjoyment from building a blanket fort. Do like a hot bath though.

Yep, time to die.

Probably. Apparently I just don't want to, no matter how hopeless it gets. Biological will to survive I guess.

 

[signifying nothing]

signifying nothing said:
Yep, time to die.

Probably. Apparently I just don't want to, no matter how hopeless it gets. Biological will to survive I guess.

Yeah, I changed my post, thought that was a bit harsh. I find that just thinking about dying can help to ease the feelings of despair though.

 

[Tackingintothewind]

Yeah, I changed my post, thought that was a bit harsh. I find that just thinking about dying can help to ease the feelings of despair though.

I used to feel that way, now though it distressed me again as I end up thinking about how. What's available in this stupid nanny state where I live

 

[signifying nothing]

I used to feel that way, now though it distressed me again as I end up thinking about how. What's available in this stupid nanny state where I live

I know what you mean. Things you use to cope work for a while and then they don't, or worse they become part of the problem. Then you have to find something else to help... and so the struggle continues. Some would say that's all life is - just finding a way to make it through, one struggle to the next.

 

[kane]

I find that just thinking about dying can help to ease the feelings of despair though.

Whenever I feel like this, I ask myself repeatedly 'do I want to do it yet?' The idea of any way out of this appealing. But however I picture it, the answer is always no (or not sure.) I don't even have a particularly good reason not to. Just blind will to continue on. Which leaves me stuck in this.

 

[sorella santini]

Blind will is a great way to describe it.

For me overwhelming waves of despair are usually followed up by a meltdown and fits of crying- and at that point I'm a zombie for a few hours or I get so exhausted emotionally that I fall asleep. I wish I had the strength to will myself to do something else when that despair hits.

I did have this idea to write myself a note or letter- write it at a time when I'm feeling less desperate about my situation and more hopeful. The idea is to write words of encouragement, something that you know your depressed self might react positively to. Or maybe write down a memory that is dear to you- something to remind you that things can be good. Keep it someplace aside, When you do feel that wave of despair coming on take out that note and read it several times. It could be up lifting.

I have to admit though I haven't even done this yet.

 

[gus.nixon]

So far all I have is listening to music, but that gets old fast.

There is a ton of music out there, my friend -- I don't even know where to start. What do you like? I can make recommendations. Short term stuff in the moment that I do when I feel like that is reach out to people. Call someone. If you don't know anyone to call, talk to someone on here. I have a condition that seems to prevent me from enjoying or gleaning pleasure from most things. I do enjoy music, but I have been finding it very helpful to myself to actually try to make other people feel loved. My mind is very paradoxical -- I hate the world but I also love everyone who is stuck here. I try to find ways to feel love for everyone and that includes those people whose lives seem to me to be perfect. It was difficult for me at first, but I started sending people messages who posted something that resonated with me. It's as simple as that sometimes. We strike up a conversation and before I know it, we are talking regularly and I get to tell them how much it means to me to be able to connect with them. There is power in connecting. I started doing this recently and I now have a whole list of users that I reach out to daily. Sometimes I just send them a quick note saying hey I'm thinking about you. I've found that I actually really care about these people that I'm getting to know. I mean, I truly love them and I'm not ashamed to tell them that they're helping me in making my life bearable. The process of recovery looks different for everybody, but for me, I've found that I need people and I need to be needed. This site is all about suicide and I'm not telling anyone not to go through with that. All I'm saying is if you do end up doing that, do it with a clean conscience. It's not shameful to simply just not enjoy living.

 

[Passersby]

Well I can relate to your post a lot. There is only so much one can do to fill time especially depending on what types of limitations we all may have. I have found myself in this same place a lot. Trying to figure out what to do to try to fill time in a stupid existence that's still eventually going to end up with me killing myself. I like how you said you would like to do something but nothing too stressful or productive. Here is a list if it's worth anything?
1. Watching TV— This only goes so far though and gets boring.
2. This forum
3. Self care— Showers etc. Try putting on some of your favorite clothes.
4. Video Games.
5. Sleeping
6. Writing your Obituary and will. Even if you don't ever CTB it's still a good thing to have done plus it's good to be prepared, be ahead of the game and its cooler to write it yourself because most people Aren't prepared and don't do that.
7. Small workout.
8. Driving
9. Walking
10. Get a diffuser that glows and changes colors and add different types of essential oils to it. You can create a nice aroma in the air and plus it will change different cool colors. Supposedly they can uplift your mood and or provide a calming effect. It may not work for that or be too small for you to notice but anyway you would still have a cool background changing light and aroma.
11. Lay with your cat and pet it.
13.Plus the things other users said.

I guess a few of those could be considered productive but I tried my best. I think the key is to find a handful of things to just rotate through and don't spend too much time on any one thing. Hope this helps you some. Good Luck!

 

[kane]

There is power in connecting.

I think issues with feeling unable to connect are a large part of the despair. There may be things I can do to help that in future, but it's complicated for me.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

All I got is either binge watching or playing games but I admit it can be difficult to find something new to get into from either of those methods. I also find coming here to post can work sometimes.

 

[LifeIsAChore11]

If you want to make a go of it, and haven't done this already: psychiatric help can do good for some people. Seeking help or getting a better doctor than the one that failed you can POSSIBLY help get you on track to relative normalcy. Although if you've been through the system already and have been failed by psychiatry, CTB is a rational option.