Venting Things just get worse and worse

[Rairii]

I feel like I never catch a break in life. I just want there to be safe people in my life, people who actually love and care for me. Who will be there for me through the good and bad. I'm so tired of being abused and I'm so tired of myself for falling for it at my age. I know abusers put on fronts and rarely show their true colors until they have their claws on you but still. I'm just so freaking exhausted. Even random people comment on it, how exhausted my face looks lol. It's an exhaustion that no sleep would fix except the permanent kind.

How do people even manage to live when life keeps throwing shit at them. I don't even feel like I'm living, barely even surviving. It's like I'm dragging myself through each hour of the day because I don't have my method right now. I refuse to make a fool of myself with a method that could not work and end up in the hospital yet again.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm so sorry. It's astonishing how disproportionately life dumps on people.

There are good people out there who will value, affirm, and appreciate you. I know they're very rare but they do exist.

You're right that sometime it takes some time for people to show their poison.

 

[Kurushii]

I hope that you'll have those safe people who care for you in your life one day. True friends who won't leave you are difficult to find unfortunately, but not impossible. I don't know how others handle their problems so well either. Perhaps ignorance or a strong support system? Surviving instead of living is very relatable, I don't quite feel alive inside. Every day I feel dead, soulless. I'm really sorry you're being abused Rairii... I hope your situation improves soon.

 

[HybridSpectre]

Oh shit, I too feel like I'm just existing but not really living. I try really hard to make out the purpose of my life to no avail. Everything I do feels pointless and I constantly question why I'm even alive. My depression gets really worse when I try to comprehend just how big the universe is and suddenly I feel insignifincant. Like I could die right now and only few people would notice I'm gone. Once I could really feel life, but somewhere along the way though all the suffering I've had to endure, a circuit in me got short and now I feel nothing, literally. This emotional numbness got overwhelming for me at times and I found myself seeking an escape in programming and linux stuff. But now I feel nothing for my escape. I don't know why I'm still alive and haven't ctb yet.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's certainly so awful feeling trapped in this world with no straightforward way to exit, the thought of failing ctb scares me as well, we really shouldn't have to suffer so much in finding ways to be free from this world. But it's just so true that you cannot trust humans, the unfortunate reality is that they are responsible for so much of the torment that exists here, so I believe that it's always for the best to be alone.