Venting things falling into place

[brokenwaves]

i know perhaps not many here are religious/spiritual, but i do see the world in a very connected and spiritual sense ever since i was little. honestly half of it is perhaps due to my mental illness which has me already in a state of derealisation/depersonalisation and at times psychosis. anyway, ever since i was young i saw my self dying young. i knew without a doubt that i would not grow old, it wasn't intended for me to experience this life very long. lately i feel like my time is approaching, everything seems to be falling into place. it feels as though my purpose in life is complete. i always asked why i was put here to experience so much suffering but i can admit to myself now that my life wasn't so meaningless all the time. i have provided support to several people when they needed it, like a support character in a show. but my role is coming to a close. there just isn't a future that makes sense with me in it. nobody around me needs me anymore, and i really can't see a place for me in the world moving forward. people are slowly becoming distant from my life, opportunities and experiences are vanishing. my trauma and mental illness worsen as i continue on and it feels as though they are pushing me towards the end. yes i know i might sound psychotic or like i watched black swan too many times, or like i'm romanticising this. but i'm really not, this life has been miserable overall and i've experience enough pain to last several hundred lifetimes. i guess i'm just coming to peace with it all as i finally let go from what has held me to this life up until now. the limited energy i have is running low, there really is no way forward - i know the end for me is on its way. yes it's probably just my brain trying to justify and understand what's going on, a coping mechanism. but i'm fine with that and i like to see it in a deeper sense. not asking for judgement just here to vent these weird thoughts bc impossible to say it to anybody irl. i have a few months left at most but i don't have the strength to force my life to be any longer than it seems it should be.

 

[WornOutLife]

I can relate!
I don't see myself dying as an old man either. I'm 33 and I never thought I would reach this age. I should've been gone some years ago. (been suicidal since I'm12).
I'm glad being religious/spiritual is kinda helping you. I wish I could believe in something.

Anyway, vent as much as you want to, it really helps!

Hugs,

Matt

 

[whywere]

Hi! i am 64 years young, almost 65! and have had 2 attempts, so far. I have no family or friends, except everyone here, who been so, so supportive! I am NOT a organized religious person, but I do believe that this is just one place of many that we go to. I hope that you find all the love and caring that you so richly deserve. After reading your post, I was so impressed about how caring, thoughtful and nice you are. My wish for you is a very sunny day at the beach, with a soft trade wind blowing over you with a cold drink in hand. Please take great care of yourself. Walter

 

[brokenwaves]

I can relate!
I don't see myself dying as an old man either. I'm 33 and I never thought I would reach this age. I should've been gone some years ago. (been suicidal since I'm12).
I'm glad being religious/spiritual is kinda helping you. I wish I could believe in something.

Anyway, vent as much as you want to, it really helps!

Hugs,

Matt

very similar here, been suicidal since about 12/13, was convinced i wouldn't make it out of my teens but kept holding on for other people, now into my 20s. in ways i can see the benefit of having stayed but only for others, but also a lot of reasons i wish i hadn't stayed so long. as time has gone on, the pain and trauma has just worsened unfortunately. people try tell me to hope for an improvement but i've been waiting my life for that and i just don't see it for me. sending hugs right back at you & hope your journey eases for you, wherever your path leads you next

Hi! i am 64 years young, almost 65! and have had 2 attempts, so far. I have no family or friends, except everyone here, who been so, so supportive! I am NOT a organized religious person, but I do believe that this is just one place of many that we go to. I hope that you find all the love and caring that you so richly deserve. After reading your post, I was so impressed about how caring, thoughtful and nice you are. My wish for you is a very sunny day at the beach, with a soft trade wind blowing over you with a cold drink in hand. Please take great care of yourself. Walter

really want to thank you for sending this lovely message! really heartwarming thing to hear right now, so please know that your kind words have made a nice impact on my day! and what a perfect image you've wished for me, i wish you an equally beautiful destination!