Venting they'll never be ready for me to go

[dreadpirateroberts69]

I tell myself I'll 'wait for the best time' for those around me, but in reality there will never be a good time. They'll never be ready to let me go. I guess I just must not be ready to go yet if I'm making these excuses, even though I know it won't get better. I have everything I need to do it. This month marked the 6th month I've held onto my N. I don't want to stay alive only because I'm afraid to die. I've tried so hard to make myself feel ready, but something always stands in my way to stop me. I have to make sure nothing stops me including myself.

There are still things still need to do before I go. Things I need to make, clothes and journals to get rid of, notes to write and finalize. Maybe the more of that stuff I do the closer I'll be to actually going through with it.

 

[Zzzzz]

Yes it is true. They will never be ready. But your life should be yours to do with as you think is best. Best wishes.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

GD is hard. I've lived with it a long time myself.

 

[houseofleaves]

As Zzzzz said, your life is still yours and only you should decide what to do with it and when (and how)

 

[FuneralCry]

I can imagine that it must be frustrating being in that situation, knowing that everything is hopeless, yet being unable to leave. I think that if I had the option of N I would find it comforting, knowing I have a way to leave when the time is right. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do and I'm sorry that it has come to this point for you.

 

[NotSureToEndure]

I am very much in the same situation. Have had my N for around 5 months now and keep telling myself I'll wait a little longer.

Main reason I'm holding on is for my partner but I know there will never be a right time to say goodbye. I've tried so many things before getting to this point. It's not our relationship that is the problem, it is me and my health and I can't see a way it will ever improve.

 

[Lebensunwertes]

Others will never be ready for your departure unless you're suffering from some debilitating illness. They will hold onto you, thinking that they're doing that in your interest while in reality it's just their egoism. Now I don't think that this egoistic behavior is intentional, but I'd say it's a subconscious atavistic need of upholding the members of the herd.

 

[lymestolemylife]

I can imagine that it must be frustrating being in that situation, knowing that everything is hopeless, yet being unable to leave. I think that if I had the option of N I would find it comforting, knowing I have a way to leave when the time is right. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do and I'm sorry that it has come to this point for you.

I'm in that position. I know i'm not gonna get better. I'm in horrible pain so sick,the problem is the illness if it werent the illness torturing me i'd want to stay and have a happy life with my husband.