Venting They just don't get it.

[SuicideBoys93]

Long story short my plan was foiled. I was at the hotel relaxing. My wife tricked me into going to let the dogs out because she was supposedly still shopping with her mom, and I walked into a intervention. My excuse for the room was just a night to myself to clear my head, and she could have time to spend with her mom while she was in town. Thought the exchange was fine, and nothing sounded weird. Now they're constantly up my ass about my feelings, and thoughts. I explained to them I promise I don't need a house full of therapist. I was content with my plan, and was actually comfortable with moving forward having read the fatal, and non fatal cases with SN. I was really bringing my anxiety, and my SI down alot. I'm constantly replaying what I've might of done to raise an alarm and I honestly can't find any thing that I would of done differently.

 

[LifeAfterDeath00]

I know this is the last thing you want to hear, and I should not make it about her, and the attentions should be on you, but your wife loves you. She did what she did out of love, or at least her idea of love. I know it is hard when people tell you to think from the other side, but trust me I would do something likewise if my bf/so/husband were suicidial.
Her greatest fear is losing you, and if she does, she will be grief stricken. She will recover,, and manage to move on with her life, but she will never be the same.
I am not trying to put you under any obligation. But the truth is, I am sure to ask her to be okay with your decision, or even understand what you intend to do because of how you feel, is too much. To let go of the man she loves, knowing full well that she might have done something differently to save you, is going to be impossible for her. She is trying to save you, and she always will out of love. Our lives are short, we find someone who makes this boring life worthwhile.
I am not saying you are in the wrong to do this. But think about her for a second. And keep it more of a secret from now on. We humans have a tendency to tell people about our plans, or at least give off hints subconsciously when we don't mean to. And if you really want to go through it, at least make the rest of your days count.

 

[Steamm]

Wish I had a wife, no one gives a fuk bout me

 

[SuicideBoys93]

Wish I had a wife, no one gives a fuk bout me

Careful what you wish for. All that glitters ain't gold.

 

[Jean4]

Careful what you wish for. All that glitters ain't gold.

My partner CTB on December 8. I would love to have him back... faults and all. And he had many lol.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Careful what you wish for. All that glitters ain't gold.

Exactly. For me watching my parents have one dysfunctional relationship after another while growing up (they seperated) was enough to decide early on I will never get married (and never have children). Also everybody in the extended family fucking their kids up and talking about their own fucked up parents and still rationalizing it with: "my kids will never have to go through that, they will have it better, I won't make the same mistakes, blablablabla".
.

Just an assembly line of racist narcissistic alcoholics and homeless wife beaters. Thanks dad

Long story short my plan was foiled. I was at the hotel relaxing. My wife tricked me into going to let the dogs out because she was supposedly still shopping with her mom, and I walked into a intervention. My excuse for the room was just a night to myself to clear my head, and she could have time to spend with her mom while she was in town. Thought the exchange was fine, and nothing sounded weird. Now they're constantly up my ass about my feelings, and thoughts. I explained to them I promise I don't need a house full of therapist. I was content with my plan, and was actually comfortable with moving forward having read the fatal, and non fatal cases with SN. I was really bringing my anxiety, and my SI down alot. I'm constantly replaying what I've might of done to raise an alarm and I honestly can't find any thing that I would of done differently.

How many people were at the 'intervention'? Just your wife and MIL? Have you ever talked to your wife about your suicidal thoughts or did this come out of the blue for you?

 

[SuicideBoys93]

Exactly. For me watching my parents have one dysfunctional relationship after another while growing up (they seperated) was enough to decide early on I will never get married (and never have children). Also everybody in the extended family fucking their kids up and talking about their own fucked up parents and still rationalizing it with: "my kids will never have to go through that, they will have it better, I won't make the same mistakes, blablablabla".
.

Just an assembly line of racist narcissistic alcoholics and homeless wife beaters. Thanks dad

How many people were at the 'intervention'? Just your wife and MIL? Have you ever talked to your wife about your suicidal thoughts or did this come out of the blue for you?

My wife, her mom, my mom, and my aunt that I'm the closest with. I just wasn't a fan of being blindsided. That my vulnerability was laid out there like that without heads up shot my anxiety through the roof. It got pretty toxic last night. I said you want the truth, here take a dive inside my head. I probably only scratched the surface.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

My wife, her mom, my mom, and my aunt that I'm the closest with. I just wasn't a fan of being blindsided. That my vulnerability was laid out there like that without heads up shot my anxiety through the roof. It got pretty toxic last night. I said you want the truth, here take a dive inside my head. I probably only scratched the surface.

Yeah that wouldn't be okay with me either. So how did your wife react to you telling her?

 

[SuicideBoys93]

Yeah that wouldn't be okay with me either. So how did your wife react to you telling her?

Everyone was emotional and couldn't believe I had these thoughts. Everyone wants answers to why I am the way I am. I simply said that's what I'm trying to figure out. I don't know why I think the way I think either.
CTB is still very much my choice moving forward. I'm now stuck waiting for the perfect timing, because it'll literally have to be perfect. Now I have zero timeline on my next move, because now I don't even know when I'll have good timing. I swore to myself I'd never do it in the house. I just want the thought of something like CTB left in the home. I feel trapped here now. I even asked my mother-in-law why is that I have to suffer, because none of you want to suffer my loss? It's two sides going back and fourth with no resolution. Today has been filled with nothing but awkwardness, and my wife hasn't spoken a word to me today...

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Everyone was emotional and couldn't believe I had these thoughts. Everyone wants answers to why I am the way I am. I simply said that's what I'm trying to figure out. I don't know why I think the way I think either.
CTB is still very much my choice moving forward. I'm now stuck waiting for the perfect timing, because it'll literally have to be perfect. Now I have zero timeline on my next move, because now I don't even know when I'll have good timing. I swore to myself I'd never do it in the house. I just want the thought of something like CTB left in the home. I feel trapped here now. I even asked my mother-in-law why is that I have to suffer, because none of you want to suffer my loss? It's two sides going back and fourth with no resolution. Today has been filled with nothing but awkwardness, and my wife hasn't spoken a word to me today...

Damn I'm sorry.

You say you don't want to do it in the house out of consideration for your wife and that's very sensible of you.

How did your mother in law respond to that question? It is something I would like to say to my friends and family as well; that they just want me to stay around out of egotistical reasons, because they don't want to lose me; they're not even thinking about my pain at all.

Can you forgive your wife for that behaviour towards you? What would you want from her?

 

[Esc9434]

My wife, her mom, my mom, and my aunt that I'm the closest with. I just wasn't a fan of being blindsided. That my vulnerability was laid out there like that without heads up shot my anxiety through the roof. It got pretty toxic last night. I said you want the truth, here take a dive inside my head. I probably only scratched the surface.

Hey man... You got four women who love you. Some people can't even get one, family- or romantic-wise. That is one of the bright spots in this situation.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I even asked my mother-in-law why is that I have to suffer, because none of you want to suffer my loss? It's two sides going back and fourth with no resolution. Today has been filled with nothing but awkwardness, and my wife hasn't spoken a word to me today...

If it were me...

I would let this sit for a week or two. After a couple of days of letting my reaction and emotions come down, I would write down everything they said and did that I found valuable, and what I did not.

Then I would call another meeting, making it clear that only the original participants were invited.

I would set the rules and expectations about the order of speaking, no interruptions, and taking 10-minute breaks whenever someone interrupted, argued, or demanded.

I would ask them if they'd had time to process the event. Having gotten some distance from it, I would ask them if they'd relefected on what I said, and ask them how they now perceive it, taking notes but not defending or arguing. I would then call a 10-15 min break. Then, I would ask for no interruptions and share with them what I took from what they said and did at the original gathering, having also gotten a little distance from it. Perhaps there was some value there. Then another break. After that, I would come back and set a date and time, to process this new conversation until then, and set an expectation that at the next meeting we would respectfully discuss disagreements, varying perspectives and, if all proceeds well, potentially working together to explore ideas for moving forward.

This would put me back in control of myself, in my eyes and in theirs, and put me on equal footing with them.

 

[SuicideBoys93]

If it were me...

I would let this sit for a week or two. After a couple of days of letting my reaction and emotions come down, I would write down everything they said and did that I found valuable, and what I did not.

Then I would call another meeting, making it clear that only the original participants were invited.

I would set the rules and expectations about the order of speaking, no interruptions, and taking 10-minute breaks whenever someone interrupted, argued, or demanded.

I would ask them if they'd had time to process the event. Having gotten some distance from it, I would ask them if they'd relefected on what I said, and ask them how they now perceive it, taking notes but not defending or arguing. I would then call a 10-15 min break. Then, I would ask for no interruptions and share with them what I took from what they said and did at the original gathering, having also gotten a little distance from it. Perhaps there was some value there. Then another break. After that, I would come back and set a date and time, to process this new conversation until then, and set an expectation that at the next meeting we would respectfully discuss disagreements, varying perspectives and, if all proceeds well, potentially working together to explore ideas for moving forward.

This would put me back in control of myself, in my eyes and in theirs, and put me on equal footing with them.

I'm just really keeping to myself. I fought to hell, and back multiple trips. My mom, and aunt had to leave. They drove six hours for me. Even though I didn't want them to. Currently eating dinner in my car just listening to music. I'll be isolated once I go into the house. I now have nobody here for me. It's just something I don't want to face tonight. My SN is now gone, don't know where it went. I shouldn't even be here right now typing this, but I am. They act like they care but gurantee they won't say a word when I go into the house. This house is not a home, hasn't been like that for awhile now. Right now I'm chained to this place for another month until I can get out from underneath this job I'm currently working. I hope I can keep myself collected for the rest of my time here, but I'm terrified. Going into the house, wish me luck...

I'm just really keeping to myself. I fought to hell, and back multiple trips. My mom, and aunt had to leave. They drove six hours for me. Even though I didn't want them to. Currently eating dinner in my car just listening to music. I'll be isolated once I go into the house. I now have nobody here for me. It's just something I don't want to face tonight. My SN is now gone, don't know where it went. I shouldn't even be here right now typing this, but I am. They act like they care but gurantee they won't say a word when I go into the house. This house is not a home, hasn't been like that for awhile now. Right now I'm chained to this place for another month until I can get out from underneath this job I'm currently working. I hope I can keep myself collected for the rest of my time here, but I'm terrified. Going into the house, wish me luck...

Like I said not a word. Didn't even acknowledge I walked in, only my dogs. I really don't want to be here anymore. Stopped me to create more suffering. I could hang myself but thats not how I want to do it... And it would have to be a partial hanging.

 

[SimplyTopHat]

Like I said not a word. Didn't even acknowledge I walked in, only my dogs. I really don't want to be here anymore. Stopped me to create more suffering.

Oh, I'm so sorry. ♥ Sorry you had to sit through the intervention, sorry that you're feeling trapped, sorry that you have to live with their pain in conjunction with yours. I can't imagine what you must be going through or how this must feel for, though- I feel like someone needs to say sorry for the additional pain you're feeling. *hugs*

 

[SuicideBoys93]

Oh, I'm so sorry. ♥ Sorry you had to sit through the intervention, sorry that you're feeling trapped, sorry that you have to live with their pain in conjunction with yours. I can't imagine what you must be going through or how this must feel for, though- I feel like someone needs to say sorry for the additional pain you're feeling. *hugs*

Thank you. I never realized how bad I've gotten until I looked her straight in her face and told I'm going to kill myself, and there's nothing you can do about it. Wtf happened to me....

 

[SimplyTopHat]

I'm going to kill myself, and there's nothing you can do about it. Wtf happened to me....

Oh my god, I can't even imagine. I'm at a loss for words. I know that at my worst I've eluded to it... but to say it outwardly.

How are you feeling now?
How did she take it?

 

[Esc9434]

Thank you. I never realized how bad I've gotten until I looked her straight in her face and told I'm going to kill myself, and there's nothing you can do about it. Wtf happened to me....

Are your wife and mother-in-law abusive toward you in some type of way? Or, they just not understanding your pain?