Deleted member 23586
Hope ur final midnight feels like the hug you need
- Nov 8, 2020
- 208
Hai person reading this right now. Before you read this just know that I want peace for you whatever that means to you. I hope tomorrow is a better day than today. And the day after that is better than that. I know we don't know each other but I just wanted to tell you that you deserve hugs and candy and everything soft and cuddly. I know I'm a bit weird but I just wanted to start of with something more beautiful like you. Before I go into this rant. Thank you so much for reading this. And I hope to get to know you. Stop by my profile or DM me. I always respond back love. Have a great and warm day.
Now back with a word from our sponsors.
Theres only a couple people in my life that don't know how bad it is for me. Half of those people wouldn't be surprised tho. But what hurts more is the ones that know and have done absolutely nothing. They know how much I've struggled. They've known how much I crave companionship and community. They knew how they could personally help me within their power. They've know I was suicidal and it gets worse and worst by the year, by the week, and by the day. And yet they ignored me. Or even worst they added to my pain and pushed me even closer to the edge. They all had a choice to make things better, as I have for them. They knew and have done nothing.
One person knows I have officially everything to cbt tonight if I wanted to. But she is the only one doing everything she can to help me. She's not the one I'm talking about. She has done so much for me and is very understanding. I told her my method of choice, and how it works. She just sat there and listened to me. No judgements. I was so grateful that I had the privilege of having someone like that in my life. She feels helpless because she csn only give me so much. But what she gives is enough for the spot in my heart she holds. And it's not one sides either. We both have each other's back. It's just I'm still missing major pieces.
But they're are people who know enough, and do everything in their power to avoid my mental health. And they know. It's the fact that I told them, "hey, I wanna die and I may be out of this b really soon if I continue to spiral". And their all just "Aww damn... I wish I could help you". It's like saying that in front of someone who's starving and you're just sitting there eating a whole buffet by yourself.
I've been told by my friend and a couple people here to take care of my self, my emotions, make sure to not do any more emotional labor, and to rest. Idk... Wish I had someone to talk to and text. Wish I could share more of myself with someone trustworthy. I hope I could be that for them. Like show my cat (and your animals), my throne room/tomb I call my bedroom haha. Someone to maybe show my farm on stardew valley. Or start our own farm. Maybe someone I can play animal crossing with. Although I haven't played in months. Maybe talk about other games and play together. Maybe listen and talk about music. Maybe if we gain each other's trust we can show each other our art. Whether it be music, drawings, paintings, poems, etc. I'd love that too. But more than that to accept all of me and to understand me.
It's the ones that know who haven't put in even the least amount of work, to help me that hurt me the most. And I'd like to find real people, real friendships, and real connections that they were never meaning to give to me in the first place. And they all know this... I just hope they don't act surprised because they damn well knew.
Anywho. I love this place. I know my vents have been more frequent lately, but I don't really have many other outlets to talk to someone directly about this stuff. I hope I'm not bothering you with my mess of a life/brain. Thanks to those who always read these. Hopefully my next one will be awhile from now. Or maybe the next one will be my final hug to you all. Idk...
I hope all my lil babies have a good rest of the night/day. Maybe I'll take some sleepy pills and try to sleep. Gn loves. *big jolly rancher hugs*
Now back with a word from our sponsors.
Theres only a couple people in my life that don't know how bad it is for me. Half of those people wouldn't be surprised tho. But what hurts more is the ones that know and have done absolutely nothing. They know how much I've struggled. They've known how much I crave companionship and community. They knew how they could personally help me within their power. They've know I was suicidal and it gets worse and worst by the year, by the week, and by the day. And yet they ignored me. Or even worst they added to my pain and pushed me even closer to the edge. They all had a choice to make things better, as I have for them. They knew and have done nothing.
One person knows I have officially everything to cbt tonight if I wanted to. But she is the only one doing everything she can to help me. She's not the one I'm talking about. She has done so much for me and is very understanding. I told her my method of choice, and how it works. She just sat there and listened to me. No judgements. I was so grateful that I had the privilege of having someone like that in my life. She feels helpless because she csn only give me so much. But what she gives is enough for the spot in my heart she holds. And it's not one sides either. We both have each other's back. It's just I'm still missing major pieces.
But they're are people who know enough, and do everything in their power to avoid my mental health. And they know. It's the fact that I told them, "hey, I wanna die and I may be out of this b really soon if I continue to spiral". And their all just "Aww damn... I wish I could help you". It's like saying that in front of someone who's starving and you're just sitting there eating a whole buffet by yourself.
I've been told by my friend and a couple people here to take care of my self, my emotions, make sure to not do any more emotional labor, and to rest. Idk... Wish I had someone to talk to and text. Wish I could share more of myself with someone trustworthy. I hope I could be that for them. Like show my cat (and your animals), my throne room/tomb I call my bedroom haha. Someone to maybe show my farm on stardew valley. Or start our own farm. Maybe someone I can play animal crossing with. Although I haven't played in months. Maybe talk about other games and play together. Maybe listen and talk about music. Maybe if we gain each other's trust we can show each other our art. Whether it be music, drawings, paintings, poems, etc. I'd love that too. But more than that to accept all of me and to understand me.
It's the ones that know who haven't put in even the least amount of work, to help me that hurt me the most. And I'd like to find real people, real friendships, and real connections that they were never meaning to give to me in the first place. And they all know this... I just hope they don't act surprised because they damn well knew.
Anywho. I love this place. I know my vents have been more frequent lately, but I don't really have many other outlets to talk to someone directly about this stuff. I hope I'm not bothering you with my mess of a life/brain. Thanks to those who always read these. Hopefully my next one will be awhile from now. Or maybe the next one will be my final hug to you all. Idk...
I hope all my lil babies have a good rest of the night/day. Maybe I'll take some sleepy pills and try to sleep. Gn loves. *big jolly rancher hugs*