There's officially no way out that won't ruin the lives of people close to me.

[Snowstorm]

I've recently tried to finally have conversations with those around me about how they would live if I was gone. Unfortunately, my worst fears were realized.
Even though I made sure to phrase things in ways that never alluded to me being dead, everyone in some form or another talked about how they wouldn't be able to be happy anymore, or that their own life would be ruined. I don't want to keep going anymore, but if I ctb, I'll be causing so much grief and hurt. I'm so conflicted, is there anything I can do to make it easier on the people I'd hurt by going through with ctb?

 

[Deleted member 65988]

sorry but there was never going to be any alternative to what they told you, death is tragic and even more so as something as sudden as suicide.

 

[gbi2]

This is how society messes people like us (who need consistency and stability) up. They say things like "this is about you and only you" but tehn if you say you want to kill yourself they will say What about the people around you".

If you are clever enough to spot teh lies, deceit and circular logic you are seen as and probably will go crazy. But the former bit is correct. It is about how you feel and what you want, not anybody else.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'd personally write notes so at least those left behind are less likely to be left with as many unanswered questions and they'd have some sort of explanation. I'd just explain that death really is what I wanted.

 

[february in alaska]

You can't stop them from grieving or going through pain, it's a part of everyone's lives. It's something I'm trying really hard to come to terms with too, I know how much it hurts to think about. But their grief is their own to carry, and it's not your responsibility to try and fix all of it for everyone.

If you find that your loved ones are a reason to keep living, I think it's worth looking into recovery and reaching out... and if you find that you can't keep living just to save others the pain, know that it isn't your fault. We all get to choose what we do with our own lives, and we are all going to end up going to the same place eventually. Best of luck with whatever you decide. You seem like a kind person, I hope you find peace

 

[Hollowman]

If they could walk in our shoes for just a couple minutes they'd understand. To bad that's not possible.

 

[exitplease]

Exactly where I'm at ATM. I'm even considering making it look like an accident, as that would be less difficult to deal with than suicide.

We would just be transferring our misery over to our loved ones.

Part of me wishes I didn't have such a loving family. I'd be gone by now and there would be no broken hearts left behind. They are the only thing that has kept me anchored here. But unfortunately I don't think love and guilt can carry me through life much further.

 

[Snowstorm]

Exactly where I'm at ATM. I'm even considering making it look like an accident, as that would be less difficult to deal with than suicide.

We would just be transferring our misery over to our loved ones.

Part of me wishes I didn't have such a loving family. I'd be gone by now and there would be no broken hearts left behind. They are the only thing that has kept me anchored here. But unfortunately I don't think love and guilt can carry me through life much further.

this exactly, thank you for putting this into words

 

[penguinl0v3s]

You can make sure to write them a good suicide note with good closure.

 

[Nanako]

I try not to think too much about the effect it'll have on my family. My mentality is to just power through it I guess.

 

[RobinWhoLostItAll]

in life you have to make compromises sometimes,
for my part, i have people i genuinely love and am deeply thankful to, and i know that if i live ill weigh their own lives down, and if i die ill leave a hole in their hearts that may never heal, but i wont get better before reality catches up to me, i have very little escape, so i consider that the little comfort i bring to them by living isnt enough to justify the harm i do and have already done, so thats how ive concluded itll be better for everyone if i ctb,
this is all to say, its a balancing act, and i wish i could help you make up your mind, but thats something you have to decide, happiness must be fought for, and that fight comes with difficult choices, im open to talk if you want to, anything to help a fellow soul that needs some guidance

 

[Nullm]

Where it was up to me I would put it off as long as possible in consideration of others
But only because some of them would utterly crush but now that I have new diseases coming on left and right it's like the character in Kurt Vonnegut novel siren of titan when one of the character realized that destiny not only was cruel to him but used him to inflict cruelty on others

 

[F@#$]

I've recently tried to finally have conversations with those around me about how they would live if I was gone. Unfortunately, my worst fears were realized.
Even though I made sure to phrase things in ways that never alluded to me being dead, everyone in some form or another talked about how they wouldn't be able to be happy anymore, or that their own life would be ruined. I don't want to keep going anymore, but if I ctb, I'll be causing so much grief and hurt. I'm so conflicted, is there anything I can do to make it easier on the people I'd hurt by going through with ctb?

Shit,that's the result I'm looking for. Fuck everybody I hope they're traumatized by my death. I plan on making sure of it. Make it unforgettable.

 

[Snowstorm]

You can't stop them from grieving or going through pain, it's a part of everyone's lives. It's something I'm trying really hard to come to terms with too, I know how much it hurts to think about. But their grief is their own to carry, and it's not your responsibility to try and fix all of it for everyone.

If you find that your loved ones are a reason to keep living, I think it's worth looking into recovery and reaching out... and if you find that you can't keep living just to save others the pain, know that it isn't your fault. We all get to choose what we do with our own lives, and we are all going to end up going to the same place eventually. Best of luck with whatever you decide. You seem like a kind person, I hope you find peace

just wanted to poke and say that ive carried these words with me ever since you had posted them, things are still hard but ive chosen to try to live for those people and i dont regret it yet, thank you

 

[NonEssential]

As long as there's at least one person who knows you or even just one person who finds your body, it's impossible to ctb without hurting someone. It's pretty unfortunate.

 

[february in alaska]

just wanted to poke and say that ive carried these words with me ever since you had posted them, things are still hard but ive chosen to try to live for those people and i dont regret it yet, thank you

This actually means so much to hear, I'm so glad. I'm in a very similar situation and I know exactly how hard it can be to keep going. I hope eventually it gets easier <3 Best of luck out there stranger

 

[curiouscvnt]

You can't stop them from grieving or going through pain, it's a part of everyone's lives. It's something I'm trying really hard to come to terms with too, I know how much it hurts to think about. But their grief is their own to carry, and it's not your responsibility to try and fix all of it for everyone.

If you find that your loved ones are a reason to keep living, I think it's worth looking into recovery and reaching out... and if you find that you can't keep living just to save others the pain, know that it isn't your fault. We all get to choose what we do with our own lives, and we are all going to end up going to the same place eventually. Best of luck with whatever you decide. You seem like a kind person, I hope you find peace

this!! right on.
Death of someone you care about is painful, as is grief, and grief is a necessary and normal process to respond healthily and resiliently to a trauma such as the death of a loved one.
AND other people's grief is never your own responsibility to fix -- even if you can see that they are grieving in response to a consequence of an action that you took consciously or unconsciously. Grief transcends the realm of worldly responsibilities and scores; it's a highly personal and complex phenomenon.
In fact, i think the whole idea of ruining or improving other people's lives by ending my life is wrong and irrelevant because it is contrary to human agency and autonomy to believe that i as an individual can know with such certainty that an action i take would determine other people's futures (well, short of doing something that would kill them or with the intent to do so). Basically my response is that no one has the individual authority or right to judge another person's life as good/bad or better/worse.

As far as making things easier on the people i love upon/after my death, i think about material aspects. I won't end my life while in a housing agreement with other people or while anyone depends on me for basic needs; i intend to give away or sell nearly all of my possessions; i'll close any accounts i can; i will leave explanations or reasons for my decisions in writing to those who i care about; i will leave instructions / information on how to access any money i leave to beneficiaries. It's a bitch to have to take care of stupid paperwork on top of grieving, so i intend to at least lessen that impact.