Venting There will never be a perfect time to CTB

[Partial-Elf]

Finding the "right time" has held me back for years. Even over the summer, when I have no direct responsibilities for my job, I felt like I couldn't go because it wasn't a good time for my family to handle my suicide.

Today I realized that there's never going to be a perfect or even "good" time to CTB. Given the significance of the event, people won't be talking about "oh, well at least he was considerate enough to wait until after July 4th" or whatever stupid milestones I invent in my head. They will just be talking about the act itself and how sad and unexpected.

Having realized this, I do feel more capable of getting over my obsessive date picking and getting on with it. One step closer.

 

[Darkhaven]

While i agree with everything you said, i hope you don't go through with it yet.
Your posts are always very knowleadgeable and good reads in general. You would be very missed around here!

 

[Final Escape]

No there won't which is why I might try to do this soon. The corona hoax is making my life worse

 

[Darkhaven]

No there won't which is why I might try to do this soon. The corona hoax is making my life worse

The only thing good about the whole corona thing is that stupid "it's corona time" music they made.
It's so ridiculous it makes me start laughing.
I also love to watch how the new generations make fun of everything... lmfao

 

[Alec]

I used to wait for "The Perfect Time" too, always choosing dates that might mean something or whatever. I've come to learn as that there's no such thing as a the perfect time. There will always be something wrong with it and there will always be pain, to ourselves or to others. The best and most perfect time is when we feel we are ready. Right now I've set the date, but it's not about being perfect time anymore, it's just about giving myself some time before I go. And then, whichever time or date I will do it in, will be the perfect time

 

[AlreadyGone]

There will never be a perfect time. If you decide to wait for one, you will be waiting forever.

 

[TAW122]

That is indeed true. There were at least two (would be) perfect times or at least close to it in 2019, but of course, life suddenly threw a curveball and I held on just a "bit longer" thus I lived throughout all of 2019, and then of course, 2020. Had either times things gone wrong (failed encounter with ladyfriend in March 2019, or failed trip in Amsterdam in October 2019), there would have been no 2020 for me (I would have either CTB'ed in May 2019 or near end of December 2019). At any rate, I'm very very certain that I will CTB in 2020 because of the long term realization of how life sucks, things getting worse (not better) - the state of society and the world, the hugging/affection culture drying up over time as well as the decreasing sincerity of my affectionate interactions (half hugs and other half-assed encounters), and more. I "might" have held on had my hobby not taken a shitter, but I digress.

 

[YukiFox]

I tried to convince me that my life can be better in the future and there's no need to CTB. But in the deep of my heart I only realize that's the only way to pass away. So I negotiated with myself this: if in some point of my life my existence becomes unbearable (I fear a lot the unemployment and extreme poverty or homelessness) , I don't judge me to choose to die, since I don't judge anymore the act and the people who choose that. So I don't know if my day becomes in 1, 5 or 10 years, but I really hope to enjoy life as possible before the act. I tried to convince myself that I can't contribute to the high ratio of my demographic group (Transgender people), but I feel like it's a possibility, not a inevitable option.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I had the perfect opportunity to ctb back in January but I wasted it. I regret that everyday. Nothing changed in my life...