Venting There really is no easy way out, is there?

[shadowheart]

I feel like I'm thwarted at every turn. I want out so badly but there isn't really a perfect, easy way is there?

Helium… I can't figure out where to buy pure. I need to make the bag. I read the forums with all the instructions and it's overwhelming for my depressed brain.

SN… again, there's so many instructions. I don't know where to order from. I don't know how to get the accompanying drugs I need.

Guns… I actually have one, but it's a tiny Beretta 22 and apparently there's a pretty good chance that I won't even die if I use it.

Jumping… the nearest bridge (water) is about 140 feet which may not be enough? Worried that I will freeze and won't even be able to jump if I tried.

Night night… I tried it for a second just to see what it was like, and reflexes kick in too quickly. I starting tearing at my neck. I worry about the same thing with gas

Phenobarb… one of my clients is a vet clinic. There is actually a remote chance I would have access to the stuff. But where do they keep it and how would I possibly smuggle it out?

Blah blah blah. I have no one to talk to about this. Sorry to vent. But goddamn, I'm finally serious about this and I'm realizing I can't even really do it? Lol. Frustrating.
Maybe I need to get a little bit worse and more desperate or something. I don't know. God this is torturous. I wish someone would come and shoot me in the head.

Can anyone relate?

 

[skies]

i get you, it doesn't help that depression makes everything take so much more effort than usual, can't even gather the energy to end myself

 

[jinx <3]

I get the pain of looking for a method and being unable to feasibly do anything to die. You'd think if you wanted it badly enough, it'd be evident what to do. But that's definitely not the case. Right now, I'm between attempts (if my previous patterns hold true) and I am almost glad that I couldn't find a doable method last week when I was planning an attempt. But again, only a little bit, I'd still choose death if it were easier, I'm just trying to find some positive in the fact that killing myself is so hard. I hope you feel better to whatever extent is possible in the meantime <3.

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide really is way too unnecessarily difficult and that's why I've always been trapped here, it's horrible how we cannot just easily leave this existence in peace. I will always hate how I was so cruelly burdened with the ability to exist yet cannot just choose to free myself in a peaceful way whenever I wish to, it disgusts me how suicide isn't accepted as a valid option despite all the suffering existing causes.

 

[ThisIsLife]

Electrocution is quite straightforward

 

[chasm]

There really isn't. I snorted a pile of fentanyl and put a plastic bag over my head. Woke up in the ICU four days later. I still can't believe it.

 

[BlazingBob]

It's horrible feeling trapped.

 

[greebo6]

I know exactly what you mean. Its frustrating.
Life is so harsh , death should be gentle....

 

[leavingsoon99]

There are easy ways. Just no painless ways. I think that's what keeps a lot of suicidal people at bay from really doing it. I mean, a gun. Anything 9mm and over will do the trick. If it's hard to access guns though, then that's tricky.

 

[Scattered-Soul]

I feel you. Feels like my only option is to wait until I've gone mad from suffering, completely lose my mind and jump. Dying isn't that hard but at the same time it feels impossible to achieve when you inflict it on yourself.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

I feel you. Feels like my only option is to wait until I've gone mad from suffering, completely lose my mind and jump. Dying isn't that hard but at the same time it feels impossible to achieve when you inflict it on yourself.

Yes, well said. I'm finally starting to disassociate. So hopefully I can jump soon.

 

[Gonnerr]

Charcoal in a car , closet or a tent. Carbon monoxide poisoning is relatively painless in the pph book its a 8 or 9 out of 10.

People are dropping like fly every year with accidental poisoning, when some escape , they barely have time to get out before its too late.

This is the best way to go , this is a century old method.

You can make it look like accidental when you left no note , buy a new phone , destroy the one you got and the computer if you made search about suicide.

You just bring the charcoal in the tent on a cold night to warm yourself and freedom and it will be rule as accidental. It happens every year , a lot , some of them are accidental but some of them im sure are disguise suicide.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Yes, there's definitely no easy way out.
I completely agree with you about certain methods, they sound like a pain in the ass to source products and figure out.
I finally chose jumping because there is none of these problems. Its so simple, as long as survival instinct doesn't kick in.
And once I go over the edge, there is no changing my mind.
The jumping spot you mentioned is risky because a minimum height of 160 feet and landing on a hard surface such as asphalt, or concrete is recommended.
There are only 2 easy ways out that I know of( pentobarbital ) but it is almost impossible to source nowadays because of pro - life interference.
Also the Sarco pods in Switzerland.

 

[zel]

There really isn't. I snorted a pile of fentanyl and put a plastic bag over my head. Woke up in the ICU four days later. I still can't believe it.

Wait... what happened? I assume you were found?

 

[chasm]

Wait... what happened? I assume you were found?

Yeah I was found by some family that came looking for me. It's still very unclear to me how I could have possibly survived though. It's just ridiculous. I really did not want to wake up, in case that wasn't obvious from the bag on my fucking head.

 

[zel]

Yeah I was found by some family that came looking for me. It's still very unclear to me how I could have possibly survived though. It's just ridiculous. I really did not want to wake up, in case that wasn't obvious from the bag on my fucking head.

Did you stop breathing?

 

[chasm]

Did you stop breathing?

Yup, I was not breathing when they found me. Apparently it was "a horrifying scene" which caused PTSD for everyone.

I'm not sure how long it was before they found me, but given how early in the morning it was I think it must have been quite a while. When they found me they Narcan'd me and did chest compressions while waiting for EMTs to show up. But they were afraid to do mouth-to-mouth since I had dope all over my face.

 

[marooned123]

Yeah I was found by some family that came looking for me. It's still very unclear to me how I could have possibly survived though. It's just ridiculous. I really did not want to wake up, in case that wasn't obvious from the bag on my fucking head.

I survived 23 years ago and I actually ran out of gas on my way into town to get a snack after I overdosed because it started to kick in, and I got out of my car and apparently fell down in the middle of the road. Then, some guy found me, and apparently got me to tell him where I lived, walked me back to my apartment, which was attached to my landlord's house, and handed me over to them. They called my parents, who came to get me, but did not even see a medical emergency until I started frothing at the mouth. They didn't even call an ambulance either. They drag me to their car, and drove me to the hospital. I woke up trying to pull out the needles from my arms. I don't know how I survived either, and no one really even tried to save me. They just basically passed me off to the next person.

 

[lachrymost]

If it was just the matter of getting the pain and horror over with, that would be one thing, but knowing that I could just wake up again with brain damage is really what keeps me from doing it. I'm with you totally; it's not for lack of wanting it!

Also I don't even have a damn place to hang myself from in this apartment, nor do I have access to guns, nor anywhere to jump from, and SN is going the way of the dodo. I only have a few feasible means. There's partial hanging from a doorknob, but I don't trust myself to be able to find the right angle and spot. There's the night-night method, but do we know of anyone who actually died from that? There are trains near me, so I guess it's possible I could figure out how to use one, but I can't imagine doing it. It's just too horrible and I'm too inept and cowardly by nature.

It's slightly bizarre to me that children manage to pull this off not infrequently.

 

[zel]

Yup, I was not breathing when they found me. Apparently it was "a horrifying scene" which caused PTSD for everyone.

I'm not sure how long it was before they found me, but given how early in the morning it was I think it must have been quite a while. When they found me they Narcan'd me and did chest compressions while waiting for EMTs to show up. But they were afraid to do mouth-to-mouth since I had dope all over my face.

Bingo. It's still shocking that you were resuscitated, but it makes sense seeing as how you were found. It seems like ODing on an opioid like Fentanyl is an extremely reliable method of CTBing, but you can't be anywhere where someone can find you and Narcan you.

 

[chasm]

I survived 23 years ago and I actually ran out of gas on my way into town to get a snack after I overdosed because it started to kick in, and I got out of my car and apparently fell down in the middle of the road. Then, some guy found me, and apparently got me to tell him where I lived, walked me back to my apartment, which was attached to my landlord's house, and handed me over to them. They called my parents, who came to get me, but did not even see a medical emergency until I started frothing at the mouth. They didn't even call an ambulance either. They drag me to their car, and drove me to the hospital. I woke up trying to pull out the needles from my arms. I don't know how I survived either, and no one really even tried to save me. They just basically passed me off to the next person.

Yeah it's amazing how some of us just keep on living despite the odds :\

Bingo. It's still shocking that you were resuscitated, but it makes sense seeing as how you were found. It seems like ODing on an opioid like Fentanyl is an extremely reliable method of CTBing, but you can't be anywhere where someone can find you and Narcan you.

Yeah I knew there was Narcan nearby, but still the plastic bag was supposed to be my hedge against that. Dammit man I was so close.

 

[girltwink]

For a long time I wished there was a button that could just put me in the opposite gender. Instead, I have to take the long and painful way around.

Now I wish I had a button that could stop my existence. The scary part is if I take the long way around it may not even work, I may end up a vegetable and have to suffer even more.

 

[nood11]

There definitely is no easy and peaceful method in most places. What is needed is lethal injection and/or a lethal dose of medication given to anyone anytime no questions asked. I don't think that exists in any country. We're born into a life we never wanted, and it's extremely difficult to find a way out early.

 

[shadowheart]

Thanks for all your thoughtful replies.

I feel that I am sick. My illness is depression, and it is an illness that is terminal.
I have been in the veterinary field for over 7 years. In my field, to let a creature go that is suffering… while an excruciating choice, it is the compassionate choice, and the right choice. We let them go with dignity. We could selfishly keep them around longer. We could let them lay there - unable to get up and play, barely eating or drinking, in pain, with no quality of life - and take all their dignity from them. Or, we can let them pass peacefully with their dignity intact.

That's how I feel. I would like to go with some dignity. I'm 28 - young enough to still go young and beautiful. I've worked hard to keep my life from completely falling apart up to this point. I could go now and keep that dignity - or, instead, I can sit here and rot. Get older and uglier. Lose more friends and jobs, lose myself, lose literally everything from my growing inability to do literally anything. The depression is getting worse. I will continue to spiral and my life will become more unrecognizable. Then where is the dignity in that?

Ugh.