Venting there is only ever one option

[butterscotch]

deal with it. deal with the depression, suicidal urges, all of that. i have to sit here and experience it, and there's no way out. there's nothing i can do, there never has been for all these years. just suffer, with no way out.


i'm considering, for the first time in a long time, standing in front of a train.
i never think about it, because i have a strong feeling it will be far from instant death, and i don't want to traumatize anyone.
but i have no money, no car, no gun, i'm too fat to hang myself and i don't even have rope. i can't mix household chemicals because that threatens the lives of others, i don't have access to the top of some tall building. i never have any options, and apparently it's my fault anyways.
but i'm lucky. there are train tracks very close by.
apparently, this garbage method is all i've got. i should go do it. but i feel like i'll just be dragged by train wheels and survive with half my limbs cut off. this method is trash. and it's all i have

 

[L951788]

Scout the trains coming by. The speed and so forth. If you align yourself the right way on the tracks I imagine such a method could be pretty quick.

 

[butterscotch]

Scout the trains coming by. The speed and so forth. If you align yourself the right way on the tracks I imagine such a method could be pretty quick.

i think the trains that pass here are not very fast...
how would i align myself? all i can think of is laying my neck over the rail.
god i just want a fucking shotgun.

i just realized, i could do the bleach + ammonia method in a certain building that's got a room with only one entrance. i would 100% put a warning sign outside the door, but i don't know how long that method takes, or if it would potentially fail somehow...

 

[ARW3N]

Your post reminds me of a poem called "Resumé" by Dorothy Parker:

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

 

[butterscotch]

Your post reminds me of a poem called "Resumé" by Dorothy Parker:

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

scraping by, constantly having to distract myself from how much it really hurts.
pathetic and depressing.

i have always just lived. it's the single worst option. compliance with depression. letting myself hurt without solving anything.

i'm going to have to try the bleach + ammonia method, i don't have any other choice

 

[WornOutLife]

If you're interested in the train method, @StateOfMind can help! He knows a lot about it.

Wish you the best and hope you can find peace with whatever decision you make!

 

[StateOfMind]

If you're interested in the train method, @StateOfMind can help! He knows a lot about it.

Wish you the best and hope you can find peace with whatever decision you make!

Not an expert on train method, clearly I'm still here lol.
My choice is mostly circumstantial, easy access etc.
However, I have done some research and nightly field trips for weeks keeping a log of what type / when trains pass through.
If I had access to a magnum or a glock I probably wouldn't be here anymore, so train or full suspension with drop it is.
The train I'm opting for mostly always shows up around the same time in the late evening and seems to be traveling at around 120kmh or above.
Mostly just fighting SI now.

My log:

My train: