Venting There is nothing left for me here if I decide to keep on living how do I make a Suicide plan

[CyBerry]

I don't think there will be anything left for me in this world if I decide to keep on living, ever since my last post (please check out my first ever post on here if you are able to, warning though if your triggered by sa) I have realized that no matter how much I will try and improve myself there won't be a positive outcome of my pathetic sorry ass life, I decided to go to my counselor and that was one of the first times i couldn't bring myself to cry during a session, I feel so fucking empty. Talking with friends won't help me either, and I have started considering creating a suicide plan, I need help, I don't know how to go around it but I know I don't think I want people being traumatized by finding my body, our college is really close near a beach since the big major here is marine sciences, but I don't think walking straight into the ocean will allow me to die peacefully because I don't wanna die scared, I fucking hate the thought of continuing to live after everything that has happened, and as much as I miss my parents I don't think they miss me, my mom literally told me so at the age of 11 when she told me I was the reason why she wanted to kill herself, it's affected every relationship I have ever been in ever since, I need recommendations of what I should do to start a plan for suicide, I'm completely lost right now and I know this rant is really jumbled up and kind of incoherent but I'm just not in a good place right now I guess I'm sorry you had to read this but thank you if you made it here

 

[helpls]

There are many megathreads and resources available here if you wish to find a plan, and I think I'd leave it up to someone else to give you any advice they have because I'm not really an expert here. However, one thing that I realised after being on this website is that you can't really avoid someone from being traumatised, especially if it's by suicide. Many suicide methods are brutal (hanging, jumping, shooting), and those that are more peaceful are generally a lot harder to access. Also, unless it's a first responder who finds your body first, I think any other human being who isn't expecting to find a dead body would be traumatised when stumbling upon your body, regardless of the method.

 

[soul2realm]

I don't think there will be anything left for me in this world if I decide to keep on living, ever since my last post (please check out my first ever post on here if you are able to, warning though if your triggered by sa) I have realized that no matter how much I will try and improve myself there won't be a positive outcome of my pathetic sorry ass life, I decided to go to my counselor and that was one of the first times i couldn't bring myself to cry during a session, I feel so fucking empty. Talking with friends won't help me either, and I have started considering creating a suicide plan, I need help, I don't know how to go around it but I know I don't think I want people being traumatized by finding my body, our college is really close near a beach since the big major here is marine sciences, but I don't think walking straight into the ocean will allow me to die peacefully because I don't wanna die scared, I fucking hate the thought of continuing to live after everything that has happened, and as much as I miss my parents I don't think they miss me, my mom literally told me so at the age of 11 when she told me I was the reason why she wanted to kill herself, it's affected every relationship I have ever been in ever since, I need recommendations of what I should do to start a plan for suicide, I'm completely lost right now and I know this rant is really jumbled up and kind of incoherent but I'm just not in a good place right now I guess I'm sorry you had to read this but thank you if you made it here

First of all, stop the pain. You are doing the best you can and have done the best you could. No one holds authority over you, not even your parents. If they have harmed the sanctity of your relationship with them, then they have lost a valuable part of their life. Please do not and i mean it...do not make that the cornerstone of any of your current or future relationships.