Venting therapy on monday

[devil]

just a random vent...
so my therapist recently learned about my latest drunken failed suicide attempt.
i've also relapsed on cocaine but she doesn't know that.
i'm suppose to see her on monday and i just secretly know she's going to try
to get me hospitalized.
i'm paranoid as hell because i really don't want to be sent back to the hospital,
but here i am packing a to go bag just in case i have to go. ugh what the hell

if only i could actually succeed in ctb before then, hmm

 

[theguineapigking]

Damn. That is rough. I say this to most people,but I am sorry that you're suffering so much,as am I. Do you have any real motivation to live? Are you suffering more from anxiety or depression? Why exactly do you want to kill yourself? Is your mental so painful you feel like you're going crazy,and suicide is the only way out? Have you tried any meds? Is there anyone besides the therapist,such as family or friends that are there for you?

I can't tell you what you should do. But please be sure you truly want to die if you attempt again. Being drunk or high can make you want to die more. Is it worse when you're drunk? Do you use cocaine simply because you like it,or to escape your mental pain?

If you're that overwhelmed about Monday,perhaps you could call in sick worse case scenario? Rather that than killing yourself due to anxiety of having your therapist pushing you to be hospitalized?

I'm here if you need someone to talk to,I'm here for you. I'm up usually until like 8 am est.