Venting Therapy is useless because all my problems involve suicide

[snowcloud9]

My recovery buddy died recently and I wasn't dealing well, so I tried going to therapy to sort out the grief. I'm not going to go into too much detail cuz I don't want to invade their privacy but I'm really grateful that I got the chance to know them, and they were the person that inspired me to recover. I wasn't able to say anything because I couldn't mention the site, how I came to know them, shit relating to a suicide pact, my pro-choice philosophy, my 10 step ctb plan etc. I spent the whole session scared and crying because I'm deathly afraid of the psych ward and the police.

Midway through, the therapist asked me what I even wanted to get out of therapy if I wasn't gonna tell her shit... which leaves me utterly defeated. Also is was only our first meeting, like how does she expect me to spill my heart out to someone I've just met? I completely regret going and this is the 6th time I've tried therapy so I'm quitting for good. Also therapists treat you really weirdly for all ctb or death related topics, and they act the same way they'd act to an injured kitten and it's gross as fuck because I'm literally a grown woman and don't want to be babied and shit

Outside of that, I know my friend who probably has the same therapist attempts to khs like once a week, and there's at least 3 other things in my life involving suicidal people or suicidal themes. I'm too far gone for the shitty system to work, now I just have to do this on my own.

I mean I'm still recovering despite all this, but I wish that the resources that were touted as a wonderful 'cure all' actually worked instead of made things worse

 

[sanction]

I never tried therapist before, since I kind of already know what to expect, and like you said, it most likely won't work. Might work for people with less serious issues, but for more serious ones, even if it did help, its just like putting a temporary bandage over a wound, versus fixing the underlying problem from it's source

In reality, life is simply too complicated, and no easy fix. Them just giving us positive "words" or certain verbal encouragements, or try making us see things from a different point of view, simply isn't practical enough. It could only help so much since in the end, it is just "words", and the so called therapists are mainly just there to do their job and make money because they also need to survive and pay bills themselves. The "therapy clinic" is just a business after-all

Let's say your current happiness level out of 100, is at 70. Then maybe therapist can help boost it back up to 80, which isn't bad, its still above average. But for us depressed or suicidal people, its probably at a low 10 to 20, so at best they can only bring it back up to 30, which is still far below average

Unfortunately life is cold and cruel. In the end we mainly just have to tough it out and figure it out ourselves. I'm struggling everyday trying to find solutions as well. Its indeed exhausting. All the best

 

[Scattered-Soul]

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss, I know that no matter how much someone is pro-choice when it comes to suicide, losing someone close to you doesn't hurt any less.

Second, that therapist really sounds just awful. She should know better than to expect you to be an open book during a first meeting, not to mention that if she's treating your case like that then what's left for people who are more "difficult" to cooperate with? I also think that if therapists want their clients to feel comfortable and be fully honest with them that it should be guaranteed that the police wouldn't get involved and there isn't a possibility of the person being involuntarily committed. Seriously, that only worsens people's distress and completely ruins the point of seeking help.

And yeah, I've always found talking to therapists and mental health doctors in general about the topic of suicide and death very frustrating, it's like we're from completely different worlds and they can't even begin to comprehend what it's like to be in our place. Which is kinda the case honestly. Oh and it doesn't help that most of them see us as our problems first and as human beings second. I know that a lot of people out there greatly benefit from going to therapy but that's just such a foreign concept to me as someone who's just wasted money on it.

I don't blame you for wanting to not step into a therapist's office ever again. I know that a lot of people, including doctors, get mad when someone does that and they proceed to label us uncooperative, saying that "you can't help someone who doesn't wanna get helped" but that's just the natural outcome of such treatment on their side. I do admire you for trying to recover and fighting on your own, sadly that's the only thing we can do aside from CTB, we only have ourselves. I absolutely agree with you on your last sentence and I think it's really unfair and fucked up, I also wish that it was more widely recognized as the reality that it is :/

 

[snowcloud9]

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss, I know that no matter how much someone is pro-choice when it comes to suicide, losing someone close to you doesn't hurt any less.

Second, that therapist really sounds just awful. She should know better than to expect you to be an open book during a first meeting, not to mention that if she's treating your case like that then what's left for people who are more "difficult" to cooperate with? I also think that if therapists want their clients to feel comfortable and be fully honest with them that it should be guaranteed that the police wouldn't get involved and there isn't a possibility of the person being involuntarily committed. Seriously, that only worsens people's distress and completely ruins the point of seeking help.

And yeah, I've always found talking to therapists and mental health doctors in general about the topic of suicide and death very frustrating, it's like we're from completely different worlds and they can't even begin to comprehend what it's like to be in our place. Which is kinda the case honestly. Oh and it doesn't help that most of them see us as our problems first and as human beings second. I know that a lot of people out there greatly benefit from going to therapy but that's just such a foreign concept to me as someone who's just wasted money on it.

I don't blame you for wanting to not step into a therapist's office ever again. I know that a lot of people, including doctors, get mad when someone does that and they proceed to label us uncooperative, saying that "you can't help someone who doesn't wanna get helped" but that's just the natural outcome of such treatment on their side. I do admire you for trying to recover and fighting on your own, sadly that's the only thing we can do aside from CTB, we only have ourselves. I absolutely agree with you on your last sentence and I think it's really unfair and fucked up, I also wish that it was more widely recognized as the reality that it is :/

It's silly to say that I don't want help if I made the choice to go to the doctor… this really isn't helping my perception that medical professionals are stuck up also thanks for saying that about their death, I felt a little guilty that their death made me really upset. I'm trying to be happy because I'm happy for them, but that probably has to come with time

I never tried therapist before, since I kind of already know what to expect, and like you said, it most likely won't work. Might work for people with less serious issues, but for more serious ones, even if it did help, its just like putting a temporary bandage over a wound, versus fixing the underlying problem from it's source

In reality, life is simply too complicated, and no easy fix. Them just giving us positive "words" or certain verbal encouragements, or try making us see things from a different point of view, simply isn't practical enough. It could only help so much since in the end, it is just "words", and the so called therapists are mainly just there to do their job and make money because they also need to survive and pay bills themselves. The "therapy clinic" is just a business after-all

Let's say your current happiness level out of 100, is at 70. Then maybe therapist can help boost it back up to 80, which isn't bad, its still above average. But for us depressed or suicidal people, its probably at a low 10 to 20, so at best they can only bring it back up to 30, which is still far below average

Unfortunately life is cold and cruel. In the end we mainly just have to tough it out and figure it out ourselves. I'm struggling everyday trying to find solutions as well. Its indeed exhausting. All the best

I noticed that therapists say "that must be really hard" a lot or some other stuff that's meant to validate your emotions. I want to roll my eyes when they say that. I already know it's hard and I know that they're trained to say that about everything that I say bothers me. "Personalized" therapy is really a myth. In the end you get the same canned responses that the therapist gives to every other patient.

 

[𝗟𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆]

That's exactly the reason I'm scared to seek any help. I'm scared that if I open up they might think I'm unstable and lock me up or won't take me seriously. That would probably be even worse than keeping everything to myself which already feels shit. I'm scared of being judged or criticised over simply being broken. Many times I also feel ashamed or that people just don't care and that I'm bothering them with my issues. We all struggle with something after all, I don't want to be a burden to anyone. I would love to get help and just be "normal" whatever that is, I just simply don't think there is a way.

I'm also extremely sorry for your loss but hope that it won't discourage you in your recovery. Wishing you strenght to continue in your journey and sending hugs!

 

[loneliness0]

It's silly to say that I don't want help if I made the choice to go to the doctor… this really isn't helping my perception that medical professionals are stuck up also thanks for saying that about their death, I felt a little guilty that their death made me really upset. I'm trying to be happy because I'm happy for them, but that probably has to come with time

I noticed that therapists say "that must be really hard" a lot or some other stuff that's meant to validate your emotions. I want to roll my eyes when they say that. I already know it's hard and I know that they're trained to say that about everything that I say bothers me. "Personalized" therapy is really a myth. In the end you get the same canned responses that the therapist gives to every other patient.

I can relate to frustration and sense of hopelessness lot of times with therapy.

I been going to therapy long term but still struggle with suicide topic but navigating it better and better but you cannot really tell them you will hurt yourself so it not really fully ever truthful relationship.

However one thing what I would say what helped me with some progress was actually telling therapist that they are there for money and things they say is things they say to everyone and are trained to do and that it all basically bs. In my mind boundaries with therapist is more like tool and user not as much genuine human and human boundaries. Your emotion towards entire therapy idea could be very angry, hopeless and dissapointing and whatever else is okey to be putted out directly with person. You don't need fear or feel guilty or not in any way bad and try to not offend them or not make them not feel bad or attacked ect.

Also it important for me to put out that it my personal experience and it might not work for other person.

Much love snowcloud9

 

[MelancholyDolly]

You're so right about how they treat patients like babys. It's so weird I feel like a kindergartener going into therapy it's so uncomfortable. Bringing up ctb and other gruesome topics you literally can tell how they start judging you even if they say they don't. I can't say a single thing about what I'm actually thinking during those sessions cuz I'm certain I'd just be sent to the fucking ward.

I'm very sorry for your loss though snowcloud9, hope you're doing alright