Venting Therapy failing

[ladidabi]

I have been doing the STEPPS/ STAIRWAYS (for my BPD) group therapy individually after refusing to join a group full of strangers to talk about my weaknesses. The process is according to my psychologist identical, except it's only sessions between me and her. The problem is, I have always been good at understanding my emotions and reflecting on situations. Unless I'm triggered into jumping off my tolerance window, I can think very much well. As a licensed healthcare worker, working in milieu therapy, I feel it's almost insulting having to go through the sessions at times, feeling like I am back to school, learning the same old same old theories.

I started the sessions back earlier this year while I was in a psychotic state, and was close to my CTB date, so I felt very euphoric. I don't remember much else of it besides that during those first months of 2024, I felt like I was drugged at all times, and the thought of ending my life sent me on a high which made me feel light, free, and careless about my surroundings.

Today I feel the sessions if just me reflecting on how much of a lonely loser I was growing up- to this day. I lack social skills that benefit me, which is ironic considering it's a breeze to plan, and deal with clients I work with in comparison. I don't see any benefit and we're close a year since I began this program. Any advice on how I should come about this? For people with similar experiences: How do you feel about it? Do you have any suggestions as to get better. I'm just tired of talking down on myself and describing my pathetic self and weaknesses just to reflect back to the same thing over and over again.

 

[Redacted24]

Seems to me that if you've spent a year with her, and it's turning into a rehash of the same each time that she's not really helping or engaging with your needs.
That happens... sometimes things just don't "click" and the sessions turn into pro forma meetings. Might be worth seeing another provider and just letting her know that you're not feeling like you're being helped and are going to try someone else.
Just a thought. Good luck!

 

[loneliness0]

"I'm just tired of talking down on myself and describing my pathetic self and weaknesses just to reflect back to the same thing over and over again."

It should not be about talking as much as about feeling and re-living emotions.

Also when you saying "talking down", "lonely looser" and "pathetic self" there sounds reading from side like there is still lot of negative self talk and there could be more self compassion.

What I would suggest from years in therapy myself is just tell therapist directly how you feeling with progress, basically what you told us you can tell her directly. Relationship between therapist and client is more of tool and tool user, you need give therapist more information for her to be better tool for you to help yourself.

 

[justkatie]

As someone with BPD: I went through six weeks of CBT and two weeks of DBT and found that they both just made me more pissed off.
I tried FIVE therapists before I found one that vibed well with my mindset and that has helped. I still lose control of my emotions but they've helped me realise the triggers and how to leave an area that is going to cause a break.

Sadly therapy and courses don't always works as brains aren't computers where an update can fix all the issues.

BPT is so difficult so finding someone who vibes with us as a helper is key and that can take many months or more.

Keep trying if you can to find someone that works for you :)

 

[PurPurAstie]

as someone who's been in therapy for 8 years, i've never been close to recovering. when you know what you truly want, which comes from your self-awareness, it's impossible to get rid of this conclusion in life to CTB. i don't even try to recover anymore since it's a waste of time, but the situation is different for everyone. i wish you luck!

 

[ladylazarus4]

I've had 10 (!!) therapists and I've only felt comfortable talking to my current (DBT) therapist. I feel like she actually helps me. This is all to say that sometimes, for people with very complex or severe problems, it's very hard to find a good fit. If it is really important to you, keep trying. It is tiring but worth it if you are able to find a good therapist.
In DBT they say, "you cannot fail treatment, treatment fails you"