Therapists thinking you're the problem and everyone else is fine?

[Deleted member 1496]

For my therapists, not a single one pointed out the root cause of my problems may be toxic people. With two of my therapists (others fell asleep, only asked questions, cut me off when insurance didn't pay them fast enough), they handed me the Burns' Feeling Good book on the first session. The way they treated me was that it was I who was assuming or misinterpreting things. With my last therapist, whenever I was able to provide third party confirmation (he didn't believe anything otherwise), he didn't know what to say and would move onto the next topic. We never discussed that maybe other people were wrong, and I just didn't understand or know how to cope with it. Each session was more like, "Let's see what cognitive distortions you have today". Yet at the same time, they would tell me I need to believe in myself more.

It wasn't until I permanently quit all therapy that I discovered complex trauma or a narcissistic parent. Not a single therapist mentioned either. They seemed to blame the depression and focus on the now, ignoring and never dealing with my past. But that's like ignoring that my leg broke as a kid, the bones grew incorrectly, and telling me, "you can sprint now if you change your attitude." Looking back, I remember when my friend's husband told her to stop taking advantage of me, when another friend told her friend that he was treating me unfairly, when another guy warned me about his co-worker. Sure, I had issues, but I think I would have been better off dealing with my trauma, recognizing negative behavior, and learning how to create boundaries or walk away. At least better than simply telling me it's all in my head and how to correct my thoughts. Am I possibly correct or am I just full of myself? Thanks.

 

[Painted Bird]

Yes, you are definitely correct. I think that so called "therapy" is a bad joke in general, at least in most cases. You seem to know more about psychology and human behaviour than those sheep therapists.

 

[Mr2005]

They can't change the world so convincing you you're mad is the best thing for them. They wasted my time and ignored everything I said

 

[Mort]

Well when i saw one i ended up hitting him he was telling me to let go of my anger that i bit holding up for years ops it was like the Hoover dam busting. You see ii bin holding back my anger for at least 25 years and in that time it sort of became a spepret person in my head. So when i completely loose it i become this person ot onley bin 4 or 5 times that it happen one was at the therapist. It was a big shock for him he told me later I was a completely different person voice way i walk and a hole load of other things. Thats why I spend most of my time alone best thing all round really.

 

[oopswronglife]

I've known several therapists in a personal level, friends, relatives etc and I'd not trust any of them to be some unbiased arbiters of truth like they pretend to be in practice. They are messed up people like anyone and some very much so. Having seen how they handle their own lives and relationships its infuriating to see them advising others. Once you have experiences like that its hard to trust ANY provider as you imagine what they might be like with the mask off.

 

[Irregularity]

anyone who can get a degree can become a therapist. Mostly they're taught techniques in active listening and have one or more specialties where they're just taught coping mechanisms and behavioral, cognitive, or psychoanalytical therapy. Most people with degrees don't ACTUALLY understand what they're taught (humans aren't that smart) they just learn how to work with a design a smart person gave them to address an issue they perceive in their patients. Society is just a bunch of fucking idiots with degrees regurgitating smart peoples work with no actual understanding or ability.



edit: you can still probably learn what they know about therapy from them though. Take them for their information and use it better using your insights and knowledge of your own disorder. Also there's always a chance of getting lucky and getting a smart person who has a reason to be insightful and knowledgeable.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

anyone who can get a degree can become a therapist. Mostly they're taught techniques in active listening and have one or more specialties where they're just taught coping mechanisms and behavioral, cognitive, or psychoanalytical therapy. Most people with degrees don't ACTUALLY understand what they're taught (humans aren't that smart) they just learn how to work with a design a smart person gave them to address an issue they perceive in their patients. Society is just a bunch of fucking idiots with degrees regurgitating smart peoples work with no actual understanding or ability.

OMG this this this!!! Probably the smartest thing anyone ever said on the internet. Thank you thank you thank you.

 

[Irregularity]

Hard to find, but there's a few. There are still a lot of people in the world who don't have degrees. I imagine they are also probably the least likely group statistically to need therapy. Because they innately view it as a fundamental waste of money unless their son needs to learn interpersonal skills because he is diagnosed with autism, or because their daughter was inappropriately touched by an adult when they turned their back on them for 5 seconds. Like pretty serious issues. Just hypotheticals. I live in a working class area and I see something around here I never see in richer areas. Families interact with each other across generations. Often outside with music and food. And I also see young kids playing games outside. My neighbor's kids are always explaining some new game they made up on the spot. Without being over scheduled by adults, and without phones. Amazing.

so you're claiming that therapy is good for children with trauma and those with social disorders. Fair and true. We need to have something in our society to address these kinds of issues and most feel that therapy from trained professionals is the way to go. I however don't agree and personally believe that modern times focuses on therapy and pills are simply compensating for the fact that we, the human collective, have moved away from the culture that you spoke of where lower middle class people would interact with each other and be a community. Did you know that getting a diagnosis for a disorder makes it less likely to recover in therapy rather than treating persons individually and addressing their symptoms? In other words just getting to know people and offering help for them as individuals is more effective than receiving intensive care (I'll 100% retract this statement when the situation is extreme or it's been too long without someone intervening). I don't think lower middle class is "the least likely group statistically to need therapy " I think they're just a group that still utilizes their community and in turn that has kept them satisfied and well looked after.

I was more ranting about the inept nature of society in addressing mental health and the issues arising from the modern worlds lack of community and face to face interaction. The OP here seems to be at the butt end of this problem and I guess I was just offering my sentiments as someone who can see the same problem as he is from a different lens.

 

[Dreamcolleger]

They can't change the world so convincing you you're mad is the best thing for them. They wasted my time and ignored everything I said

That's a good point, I was going to say that there are things even about the person they can't realistically change, so they will try and convince you the problem is just in your head.

I've only had one therapist and she didn't seem bad but just doing a kind of pointless job that best case is just going to make some people think their problems aren't that bad or even real.

 

[TAW122]

You actually spoke my mind when it comes to my opinions about therapists, counselors, and mental health professionals. Sure NOT all therapists, counselors, and mental health professionals are like that, but a lot of them are. Even then, imho, it is simply not worth the time, investment, and money to wade through lots of bad ones to get that 'elusive' unicorn of a therapist/counselor. Suppose that one does find that one particular therapist that is helpful, there is once again, no guaranty of success and it's just so much trouble for it.

Anyways back to the point about shitty therapists, yes I do agree with you that they seem to already have made up their mind and would often evade the hard questions or really deal with the root problem, but instead gas light and make you question yourself rather than owning up and taking your word at face value. It really is a pathetic joke and that is one of the main reasons I am reluctant to seek help. At best, it is a waste of time and frustration, without them even recognizing and taking your word for what it is, and at worst, they are waiting for you to say the wrong thing just to have a reason to detain you against your will (psych hold) for suspicion of you being a danger to yourself or others. Furthermore, I do agree that most of them seem to just want to earn a paycheck and the field itself is really just a way for society to feel good about pretending to help, while milking the profits off of vulnerable people (snake oil, faith healing anyone?), and then sticking it to the vulnerable people. They take advantage of our vulnerable state and use it against us and since they know we are less likely to retaliate or lack the means to (legally, financially, socially), they have almost free reign to do what they do and get away with it.

 

[Deleted member 1496]

Thanks for all the replies and insight. Sometimes I think I'm insane because everyone else IRL is acts fine and therapy hasn't helped me at all. When therapy doesn't fix me, some, including the therapist, view me as if I'm the failure or I'm not trying hard enough. Society act as if therapy should work, but no one points out that therapists aren't gods (or necessarily competent), especially when they don't see beyond the academic case they were trained with. Therapist are like drivers: one needs to pass a test to have a license, but everyone with a license isn't a good driver. And going through yet another therapist can be draining.

At best, therapy can be a shot to take, but it may or may not work. And when it doesn't work, it doesn't automatically mean the patient is not willing to help themselves or is insane. For my own therapists, instead of focusing on that I may be the initial best solution to my problems (ex. I should create boundaries or go no contact instead of enduring bad behavior), they acted as if I was the root cause of my problems. So much wasted time, money, anguish, and effort.

But without them I may not have found y'all. :)

 

[oopswronglife]

If therapy is going to work at all it takes the right therapist, plenty of time, and a stable enough situation with which to engage in it AND it doesn't fix everything. If the person/process is taking more out of you than you have to give, whether mentally, financially, whatever, it's a net loss. People who have never been there, but still need to believe its such a simple tool for when they or someone they care about might need it, are naive and refuse to accept experience. I've lived this over and over with medical and mental "healthcare". There is this assumption from the so called providers and from naive joe blows that if it doesn't work you must have done it wrong. I've really given up arguing with them unless I HAVE to in order to get something done...but just to convince someone because I would like them to understand is not worth the effort anymore.

 

[andy69]

According to my ex-therapist, the world does not have age discrimination, homophobia, etc... It's all in my head.

 

[TAW122]

If therapy is going to work at all it takes the right therapist, plenty of time, and a stable enough situation with which to engage in it AND it doesn't fix everything. If the person/process is taking more out of you than you have to give, whether mentally, financially, whatever, it's a net loss. People who have never been there, but still need to believe its such a simple tool for when they or someone they care about might need it, are naive and refuse to accept experience. I've lived this over and over with medical and mental "healthcare". There is this assumption from the so called providers and from naive joe blows that if it doesn't work you must have done it wrong. I've really given up arguing with them unless I HAVE to in order to get something done...but just to convince someone because I would like them to understand is not worth the effort anymore.

Well said, and sometimes I too, think about just not ever arguing with the average Joe in regards to therapy and counseling. They simply just don't get it and are too deluded to be reasoned with. In fact, it may even be risky to argue with them as they may become 'concerned' and/or be more invasive, inquisitive.

 

[Final Escape]

For my therapists, not a single one pointed out the root cause of my problems may be toxic people. With two of my therapists (others fell asleep, only asked questions, cut me off when insurance didn't pay them fast enough), they handed me the Burns' Feeling Good book on the first session. The way they treated me was that it was I who was assuming or misinterpreting things. With my last therapist, whenever I was able to provide third party confirmation (he didn't believe anything otherwise), he didn't know what to say and would move onto the next topic. We never discussed that maybe other people were wrong, and I just didn't understand or know how to cope with it. Each session was more like, "Let's see what cognitive distortions you have today". Yet at the same time, they would tell me I need to believe in myself more.

It wasn't until I permanently quit all therapy that I discovered complex trauma or a narcissistic parent. Not a single therapist mentioned either. They seemed to blame the depression and focus on the now, ignoring and never dealing with my past. But that's like ignoring that my leg broke as a kid, the bones grew incorrectly, and telling me, "you can sprint now if you change your attitude." Looking back, I remember when my friend's husband told her to stop taking advantage of me, when another friend told her friend that he was treating me unfairly, when another guy warned me about his co-worker. Sure, I had issues, but I think I would have been better off dealing with my trauma, recognizing negative behavior, and learning how to create boundaries or walk away. At least better than simply telling me it's all in my head and how to correct my thoughts. Am I possibly correct or am I just full of myself? Thanks.

in this video he explains how society is complicit in abuse. This would include therapists who blame the victim. It is not your imagination.

 

[Deleted member 1496]

According to my ex-therapist, the world does not have age discrimination, homophobia, etc... It's all in my head.

Which world does your ex-therapist live in...and is it far from earth? :)