Venting ‘therapist friend’ role

[roseleaf]

i hate venting.

i know it's helpful for most people, though, which is why i'm trying it out. on this forum. where i feel actually comfortable.

ever since i was a kid, i've had a lot of friends who mostly just told me their problems, and i would listen, taking the 'friend group' role, therapist friend.

i don't think that's how an actual therapist works, though i wouldn't know, i never had one, my family couldn't afford it even if i needed one. i never displayed many signs that i had been a child/teenager/young adult who had problems.

anyway, i kept the therapist role. even now, with the few i keep in touch with. why talk about your feelings with a professional when you have this living mannequin?
the living mannequin bit comes from something my brother once called me. i seemed to shut off most of my emotions when i wasn't alone, and i mostly didn't talk in general. chatting with me was like talking to a mannequin.

one person i've continued to keep in touch with was my childhood best friend. i don't call her my best friend anymore because she's mentally abused me too much, but that's a whole other story. she, for now i'll call her Z, always claimed to be the 'main therapist friend'. it was weird, but i never complained. until one day i realized no one ever talked to her about their problems. how did i know? Z would tell me everything. i still did not complain.

and i did not complain when Z started talking about her problems to me. she still does, and i still do not complain, though i wish to (which is why i'm here, i guess). "every therapist friend needs a therapist friend". that's what she always says.

Z has a lot of mental issues, and an ED. she also used to self-diagnose and talk about it as if she most definitely had the disorder. (i'm not saying that if you self diagnose you're 100% wrong, but the way Z did it was as if the doctors had diagnosed her with this as a child.) i had to hear about everything.

and not. once. did. i. complain.
im so sick of it.
if every therapist friend needs their own, where's mine? it sure as hell isn't her.

i've been suicidal since i was 8 years old. that was when i first attempted by slamming a sharpened pencil into my wrists. obviously it didn't work. i was 7 when Z started talking about her problems for the first time to me. i've been that kind of 'friend' for that long. hope it's over soon.

i still think i don't like venting very much, but if you are reading this, i appreciate you.

 

[silence of death]

being the "therapist friend" is actualy quite toxic, she is wrong about the thing that every mentaly unstable people needs one
if she need to vent she should talk about it about her therapist, wich is also not her friend, they are trained not to be actualy, you'll never see a therapist hug a patient for exemple
and if you are not confortable with being the therapist friend that's fine, you should talk to it about her, just stop, you don't need to be
i would recommand the youtube channel "healthygamer" and the video Am I My Friends' Therapist? wich as a lot of good takes from a profesionnal therapist
and if you need to vent, but have difficulty to find someone or ways to do it, SS is fine of course, but you could try helping discords, there's a lot of kind soul in there that will listen to you and give you advice
good luck to you my friend, i hope this help

 

[leftdreaming]

Silence of death is absolutely right about the toxicity behind the "therapist friend" dynamic. It's really a self sacrificing relationship that preys on those of us who are willing to help others.

We don't owe anyone our ears or thoughts, nor should we feel that we must. As I've aged, I've found it easier to avoid being the therapist friend and that the easiest way is to find a new friend group and avoid ever getting stuck in that role, but I if you are anything like me, then you won't be able to fully suppress that side of yourself. I think the best way to go about this is to find your boundaries and set them if you can.

Feel free to vent here any time! We are always here to listen. You deserve a voice as much as anyone else and shouldn't feel pressured to come to SaSu just to be the therapist friend again.