therapist/exhaustion

[hybridtheory]

I've been working with the same therapist for around 5 years, and I find myself still grappling with the same challenges we started discussing at the very beginning. It's disheartening to think that after all this time, I haven't made the progress I hoped for, and I still wrestle with those intrusive thoughts.

I can't help but wonder if, after such a long period, my therapist has started to doubt the seriousness of my struggles. It feels like she might not believe that I could actually act on my suicidal thoughts anymore. Deep down, I sense this pressure to prove to her that I'm serious about my feelings.

I have come to the realization that my fate is to remove myself from this existence. Regardless of my efforts to forge a future, I consistently find myself returning to those emotions.

Has anyone else been seeing the same therapist for multiple years? And if so, do you ever feel this way?

 

[Agent_PS]

I haven't been seeing my therapist for years but I have had multiple sessions with her and I don't think her methods are working for me. Also I feel like she hasn't caught on the fact that even when I'm joking or speaking about a situation lightly, most of the time those stuff in my head r serious to the point of me having a breakdown. I'm actively arguing with my brain to co operate with me to maintain stability. I'm a porn addict but I don't even get anything out of that anymore. I acknowledge that my family and some of my closest friends do care about me but my passive suicidal mind, anxiety, insecurities and the invisible echo chamber of misery is holding me back to the point that I believe there's no escape for me anymore.

 

[Atsushi.Ame]

I have had the same therapist for 3-4 years-ish. Personally my suicidal tendencies are very impulsive- like when I am in that headspace I seriously believe I am going to do it and usually reach out to my therapist. It has actually gotten to a point where she doesnt answer my calls after hours anymore. We haven't spoken about it- I am too afraid to bring it up. But yeah, I definitely feel like at this point she doubts that I will cbt.

It is also hard for me to truly describe my feelings to my therapist because in therapy I feel like I am in "hope" mode. Like I feel like I have to say things that lean towards recovery and can't really dig into "hey I think about this everyday, its debiliating" I say things like "I think about this, but I am not going to do it and get over it sooner or later." or if we dig into it- I dig into it intellectually. My therapist has seen me mid breakdown a few times- but I really feel like she doesn't grasp the extent of them simply because I cannot describe it without downplaying it.

Point is, I get it, it is rough, I am sorry. Whatever you choose to do with your life is yours. I wish you peace, I wish you happiness. Should you continue the path of recovery, I recommend bringing this up to your therapist or maybe looking into specific types of therapy to tackle specific issues. I also think that sometimes we make progress in ways we cannot see. I definitely feel like I am square one but my therapist insists she sees so much progress.

Good luck, best wishes <3

 

[ConfusedClouds]

Yes, 2.5 years. I thought we were finally gradually building understanding but the last session she mentioned stuff that took me right back to the beginning and really showed she hasn't at all. Kinda upsetting but mainly confirmed exactly why I have had to isolate from friends and family - I just cannot explain anything effectively. Similar to above, I think I downplay things out loud but inside me every point is highly important and poignant. Its just impossible to discuss and remember all on demand in such a short 50 mins window.

Quite acute for me atm as I threw my toys out the pram after my last session and am pulling the plug. I won't have anywhere else to turn. No words. So frustrating but also so self inflicted where I don't say the right things or highlight the right priorities or direct the conversation in any way.

Sorry, I also turned this personal with a vent. It sucks so much. I'm sorry you're also experiencing something similar. Giving so much time and patience and hoping that trust will lead to something and it doesn't. Sending you a big hug.