brokenwaves
i need to cross a border that’s hard to define
- Feb 19, 2021
- 118
sorry another vent post, i hate venting too much but i genuinely have nobody else to talk to, especially being so honest like i can be here. i'm planning to ctb in a few weeks & family drama is just at its worst, which i feel makes it harder to get the hell out of here so soon.
long story short, i'm living with my sister & her kids right now, and my sister's 13 year old daughter is having emotional/behavioural issues lately and now is saying she doesn't want to be here anymore and that she doesn't care about anything in life. it's really sudden and it's causing my sister (who i care about a lot) a huge amount of stress.
my ctb plan was to do it in like 2/3 weeks, and now i have this huge burden because here is my niece threatening her life, my sister an emotional wreck, the last thing they need is me dying during it all. i know there's never a good time to ctb for those around you, but obviously it helps to not do it in the middle of the worst time of their lives.
i just feel like this has messed everything up so so much. i can't postpone my ctb for much longer though, it's already too much to deal with, i feel like such a shitty person to do this right now but this has been a long time coming, it's not my fault that this situation just appeared from nowhere. i feel like i have to 'play it by ear' for the next few weeks and try see if there is a calm in all this to ctb, but there's no way i can wait months - emotionally or logistically. my sister's kids will be returning to school after the summer, i really don't want to wait until then to do it. god this is shit and honestly just so typical that everything falls apart when i've been holding myself together for the "right" moment, now that moment has been ruined.
long story short, i'm living with my sister & her kids right now, and my sister's 13 year old daughter is having emotional/behavioural issues lately and now is saying she doesn't want to be here anymore and that she doesn't care about anything in life. it's really sudden and it's causing my sister (who i care about a lot) a huge amount of stress.
my ctb plan was to do it in like 2/3 weeks, and now i have this huge burden because here is my niece threatening her life, my sister an emotional wreck, the last thing they need is me dying during it all. i know there's never a good time to ctb for those around you, but obviously it helps to not do it in the middle of the worst time of their lives.
i just feel like this has messed everything up so so much. i can't postpone my ctb for much longer though, it's already too much to deal with, i feel like such a shitty person to do this right now but this has been a long time coming, it's not my fault that this situation just appeared from nowhere. i feel like i have to 'play it by ear' for the next few weeks and try see if there is a calm in all this to ctb, but there's no way i can wait months - emotionally or logistically. my sister's kids will be returning to school after the summer, i really don't want to wait until then to do it. god this is shit and honestly just so typical that everything falls apart when i've been holding myself together for the "right" moment, now that moment has been ruined.
