The world was not made for sad people

[solemn and sad]

i grew up in isolation, my parents wouldnt let me have friends and actively destroyed my social life, and as a result i have no idea how to talk to people or societal/conversational norms. it doesnt matter how much i think ive changed, ive gone from being hooked on heroin (my weed was laced and i didnt know any better) and homeless to now having my own apartment and beginning to get my life together but no matter what changes in my life people always hate me. I dont know how to conversate and its not in the cute funny autistic way where you over communicate and tee hee haw haw everything is okay. no i genuinely fuck up my relationships with people because i try to make jokes and come off as an asshole or apathetic when i just dont know how to convey my thoughts and emotions, especially not in any way other people would be able to recognize. im so sick of it. I just relapsed cutting myself today and im at the end of my rope i have 2 friends and now one of them hates me bc of that exact thing me being an asshole and letting my trauma affect the way i talk to people but i cant help it and ive tried damn near everything including therapy, medication, inpatient, outpatient, psychoeducation, mediation, exercise, ive even tried drugs at this point and nothing seems to be able to get me normal and i just wish i could figure out what was wrong with me but maybe i already know and the only solution is to kill myself because who wants an insensitive asshole around them. It doesnt matter what changes i still fuck everything up the same way i always have and i cant be asked to keep trying especially since ive been disowned from my family and currently have 2 friends which i dont even know in real life. who the fuck cares about me? the staff at my transitional living program would be happy to use this apartment for someone who is actually going to go somewhere in life and im just done im fucking done.

 

[brokeandbroken]

First and foremost that sounds terrible. Also, I'm not sure autistics aren't going to come across as rude sometimes either. Even if people do laugh... Is that really what people want? They are either making fun or pitying you. Neither is good.

As for you. Why do you say that? They are there to support you. You matter. They should acknowledge that. With people if you are looking to get close explain that you have this habit. I feel like you may fear intimacy so you sabotage relationships to avoid it.

 

[MrDarkness]

I can relate, I have a huge issue trying to relate because I often come off as a asshole, I've ruined so many relationships in my life, I've been shit on by a majority of women in my life, I want to die because I clearly don't belong and my thoughts won't ever stop

 

[Aizwrath]

I apologize, but something caught my eye while reading this. You seem to be at an adversity with your friends? This raises the question of what friends really are. I understand much of where you're coming from, and I don't believe that this is something you – or anyone – should have to face alone. It appears to me you don't have anyone to support you. I apologize if my opinion seems bold, but I think your friends are anything but. True friends understand, true friends are unconditional. It seems that yours are not.

Your circumstances almost seem like a reflection of mine, albeit yours are worse. I don't think there's a cure for what you're going through; I'm sure I would know. However, I think you should embrace your situation and instead decide what's best for you from here. What path should you take? That's a question I asked myself long ago, and it's the only reason I'm still here.

I hope the best for you and your future.

 

[solemn and sad]

First and foremost that sounds terrible. Also, I'm not sure autistics aren't going to come across as rude sometimes either. Even if people do laugh... Is that really what people want? They are either making fun or pitying you. Neither is good.

As for you. Why do you say that? They are there to support you. You matter. They should acknowledge that. With people if you are looking to get close explain that you have this habit. I feel like you may fear intimacy so you sabotage relationships to avoid it.

What am I supposed to say? "Sorry for insulting your friends and family I didn't know the love of another human being growing up so idk conversational norms"

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be tiring and dreadful to have suffered like that, existence is just too cruel. But anyway best wishes.