H
_habs1999
_habs99
- Nov 3, 2018
- 23
hi—
i've been having lots of suicidal thoughts. 19 is tough. just thinking about the reality of it. when i carry it out, will the authorities look through my phone to find clues? will they see i was on suicide sanctioned? will they look at my social media? texts? what's fair game? will my family?
so, should i clear my phone before i do it? pack my dorm room up? i'm trying to think of all the loose ends i need to tie up.
really depressing set of thoughts, but, hey. here we are.
also, on this note, is there like a planning thread anywhere? not so much a method, but the lead-up.
writing letters and notes, emailing professors...how do i do it? there's a lot to navigate here.
it's crazy how much i feel the need to be in control even in death. i want to be in control of the narrative, how people see me, etc.
i don't want it it to get out i was on this forum, i don't want anyone to think that the internet (or anything besides my depression) caused it.
so yeah. that's all. thanks.
sorry for the vent. a lot going through my mind...
i've been having lots of suicidal thoughts. 19 is tough. just thinking about the reality of it. when i carry it out, will the authorities look through my phone to find clues? will they see i was on suicide sanctioned? will they look at my social media? texts? what's fair game? will my family?
so, should i clear my phone before i do it? pack my dorm room up? i'm trying to think of all the loose ends i need to tie up.
really depressing set of thoughts, but, hey. here we are.
also, on this note, is there like a planning thread anywhere? not so much a method, but the lead-up.
writing letters and notes, emailing professors...how do i do it? there's a lot to navigate here.
it's crazy how much i feel the need to be in control even in death. i want to be in control of the narrative, how people see me, etc.
i don't want it it to get out i was on this forum, i don't want anyone to think that the internet (or anything besides my depression) caused it.
so yeah. that's all. thanks.
sorry for the vent. a lot going through my mind...