The way I am looking at SN

[garbagemonkey]

I have settled on using SN when the time is right. While I hope it would be a peaceful end, it may very well not be. However, I try to keep in mind the way I react to feeling terribly sick, I lie in the floor pleading and hoping it would just be over, yet knowing fully well I will just have to suffer until it passes. In my mind, even if the SN causes pain, nausea or other uncomfortable symptoms , I will at least know that soon I will actually die. I believe that thought will be a great comfort to me, and will in essence give me the peaceful journey I hope to have.

 

[shipwreck]

If you don't mind my asking, what brought you to this point?

 

[WhatIsMyLife]

100% agree. 20 minutes of discomfort is worth ending a whole life of misery.

 

[garbagemonkey]

If you don't mind my asking, what brought you to this point?

A lifetime of mental illness, physical disability, and a complete, total hatred of myself. Even with a loving, supportive family and partner, I am miserable constantly. I am so tired of trying to pretend I am ok. Plus I think way too much and truly believe life is meaningless in the grand scheme of things. The guilt of hurting my loved ones is the only thing holding me back, but even that guilt is becoming less than the pain of waking up each day.

 

[Shinbu]

Plus I think way too much and truly believe life is meaningless in the grand scheme of things.

I ruminate a lot as a habit, I can understand.

 

[shipwreck]

A lifetime of mental illness, physical disability, and a complete, total hatred of myself. Even with a loving, supportive family and partner, I am miserable constantly. I am so tired of trying to pretend I am ok. Plus I think way too much and truly believe life is meaningless in the grand scheme of things. The guilt of hurting my loved ones is the only thing holding me back, but even that guilt is becoming less than the pain of waking up each day.

I hear you on the overthinking!