Story The True history of Television

[Johnnythefox]

The true history of Television.

Under the Freedom of Information Act 2000, new files have been released detailing the true history and origin of Television.

WWW.Truehistoryoftelevision.gov.ok

Television was created in the spring of 1915 by a group of British scientists working at Porton town. Herbert Henry Asquith, 1st Earl of Oxford the then Prime minister ordered that a new weapon be created to act as an interrogation and torture device.

After scouring the local dump, the scientists created a prototype from empty spam tins, suet pudding, a soleless Wellington boot, a broken wheel barrow and various pieces of fabric.
The work was highly classified and met with the highest standards of the official secrets act. After a short trial of two minutes the scientists handed the prototype to the MOD.

It was then used at the local POW camp housing high ranking officers captured by a Mr Tommy Atkins. The POW's were subjected to repeats of horrific programmes including Eastenders, Coronation Street, Strictly Come Dancing, Michael McIntyre, Songs of praise, and Noel Fielding as well as many other bog standard British television gems.

After one week of this the POW's begged to be shot! But Tommy Atkins was having none of it, subsequently the POW's disclosed many secrets including the secret ingredient of Sauerbraten.

After prolonged exposure to the repeats it became apparent that the POW's had become passive, obedient and somewhat brain dead.

Eight years later Stanley Baldwin, 1st Earl Baldwin of Bewdley the then prime minister ordered that the television be mass produced and placed in every home as a means of controlling the population and distributing propaganda.


Charlton Andover OBE, FBA, FRSE, FMedSci

 

[wiIIow]

Woah, I didn't think Television had formed till 1973

 

[Chinaski]

Woah, I didn't think Television had formed till 1973

Then two years later the creator of Television quit and formed John Logie-Baird and The Voidoids and is now credited by Malcolm McLaren as the template for UK punk.

 

[Firecaste]

I thought this was gonna be about TV licensing. Oh well, screw you TV Licensing!

 

[kkatt]

The true history of Television.

Under the Freedom of Information Act 2000, new files have been released detailing the true history and origin of Television.

WWW.Truehistoryoftelevision.gov.ok

Television was created in the spring of 1915 by a group of British scientists working at Porton town. Herbert Henry Asquith, 1st Earl of Oxford the then Prime minister ordered that a new weapon be created to act as an interrogation and torture device.

After scouring the local dump, the scientists created a prototype from empty spam tins, suet pudding, a soleless Wellington boot, a broken wheel barrow and various pieces of fabric.
The work was highly classified and met with the highest standards of the official secrets act. After a short trial of two minutes the scientists handed the prototype to the MOD.

It was then used at the local POW camp housing high ranking officers captured by a Mr Tommy Atkins. The POW's were subjected to repeats of horrific programmes including Eastenders, Coronation Street, Strictly Come Dancing, Michael McIntyre, Songs of praise, and Noel Fielding as well as many other bog standard British television gems.

After one week of this the POW's begged to be shot! But Tommy Atkins was having none of it, subsequently the POW's disclosed many secrets including the secret ingredient of Sauerbraten.

After prolonged exposure to the repeats it became apparent that the POW's had become passive, obedient and somewhat brain dead.

Eight years later Stanley Baldwin, 1st Earl Baldwin of Bewdley the then prime minister ordered that the television be mass produced and placed in every home as a means of controlling the population and distributing propaganda.


Charlton Andover OBE, FBA, FRSE, FMedSci

Rumour has it that the second world war heralded the creation of a collection of programmes intended to confuse The Krauts.
An anonymous scientist received a mystery package that turned out to be a pair of discarded underwear belonging to protector of the people,Mrs Mary Whitehouse (this was later authenticated using the DNA of her secret lovechild,Richard Whitely). This incredible discovery meant television could be adapted in a way that would prove to have a significant impact on the viewers.
It was,of course,all a huge communist conspiracy although it took several years of the new channel being widely known as "That strange lot",marked by a red triangle in the corner of the screen before the editor of The Rotherham Evening Post began airing his suspicions in print,alerting SETI representatives and forcing it to be renamed as Channel4.
The channel developed that finest of genres,Reality TV by cleverly disguising a balloon sculpture using custard,acorns and a pair of Helena Bonham Carter's old curtains to create superstar,Jade Goodie. Life would never be the same for anyone and a theory was spread that watching would cause blindness to assuage public concern.

Sounds legit to me.

 

[Johnnythefox]

Rumour has it that the second world war heralded the creation of a collection of programmes intended to confuse The Krauts.
An anonymous scientist received a mystery package that turned out to be a pair of discarded underwear belonging to protector of the people,Mrs Mary Whitehouse (this was later authenticated using the DNA of her secret lovechild,Richard Whitely). This incredible discovery meant television could be adapted in a way that would prove to have a significant impact on the viewers.
It was,of course,all a huge communist conspiracy although it took several years of the new channel being widely known as "That strange lot",marked by a red triangle in the corner of the screen before the editor of The Rotherham Evening Post began airing his suspicions in print,alerting SETI representatives and forcing it to be renamed as Channel4.
The channel developed that finest of genres,Reality TV by cleverly disguising a balloon sculpture using custard,acorns and a pair of Helena Bonham Carter's old curtains to create superstar,Jade Goodie. Life would never be the same for anyone and a theory was spread that watching would cause blindness to assuage public concern.

Sounds legit to me.