recovery rant
When you in physical pain, the last thing you want to hear ;
"Go for a long walk, you will feel better"
"You must go to the gym"
"Maintain a high level of fitness, become athletic"
"What do you have against exercise?"
"Pain is just a subjective sensation"
"what you going to do with your life for the next 50 years" This one I will never forget, because I did not like it, not even a little, I was really pissed off, as in really pissed off.
These things were said by my beloved surgeons over the course of my teenage years, and I hated them with a passion, because how could they say these things to someone who is declared disabled by the state? someone with severe spinal-cord damage? Instrumentation through the body? Limited lung function? Who gave them the right to put more pressure on me? Must I become a f^$$^& athlete now that I am disabled? Not very thoughtful, is it?
I dropped out of school after my fourth major surgery, and things got worse, way worse, at the age of 16 a college accepted me for a Computer Engineering Diploma, after my late mother persuaded them to give me a chance. My drs used my studies against me" "he sits in-front of a computer all day, he is studying computer engineering", that is actually in one of my medical reports. Eventually, I got major depression, and they just said "oh he is depressed...it must aggravate the pain"
In 2020 I went to see the neurosurgeon who performed brain surgery on me as a child. We sat down, looked at my latest MRI's. I said "Dr , why do I have all the symptoms?" He said "because your spinal cord is buggered". He showed me exactly what he meant in one of his neurosurgery illustration books. Point is , he never told me that when I was a child, now going for my 40's he tells me how bad it really is.
Earlier this year I went to see a top academic spinal surgeon to re-evalute my spine, he said it got worse, and I will now have to live according to my functional means. Nothing more can be done, spine is mostly fused, and with instrumentation throughout.
As a grown man, I am still not entirely sure WHY they said the things they said in my teenage years, what the true intentions were. Maybe they wanted to help me, maybe they wanted to give me hope for my future, with a mind over matter approach. I don't hold grudges against them, I don't want to say bad things about people who helped me so much, on a surgical level.
I started my own business from an early age, as I am unable to do a 8-5 job. Ironically I did business with two athletes, and it brought back all those consultation room memories".
I paid close attention to how these athletes lived their lives, I paid attention because they happen to be successful in business too, and that is why I took some time to think about why they so successful in life.
Some of the reasons that inspired me;
Athletes have goals
Athletes discipline themselves
Athletes gets injured, but they don't give-up
Athletes have endurance, pain does not stop them
Athletes dont quit after losing a game, no they go back to the gym, and field, they work harder
Athletes live a lifestyle that support their body, and mind. Their mind needs to be fit as their bodies.
Athletes don't do things that aren't in line with their goals. - This is a very important one
Another interesting thing about these two athletes, they are retired from their sports, but still workout, and eat as if they were still involved, competitively.
Today I am fit, but still crippled by chronic pain. I returned to the gym, and I work as hard as I can, that is the best that I can do for now. I try to think like an athlete in life, I disregard everything, and I just look at my goals, yet I will never be an athlete, I can just think like one. It would be unrealistic to think that I would become a fully functional person, it will not happen.
I want to make something clear, I still have major chronic pain, which requires opioids at times. My body is a train-wreck, and it will get worse as confirmed by the latest radio images. I still suffer from major depression on a DAILY basis. I am still in need of more business, as my business collapsed more than once due to my physical health problems, but I always start over, finding new business. The upside is that I get to meet new people.
I can tell you that there's a lot of work ahead in my life, I want to improve so many areas of my life. I always look at people who is more successful than I am, which is almost everyone, lol. One can learn something from each person that you meet, you may not even like the person, learn something from them, at least then you can say that you did not waste your time entirely.
This is just a little rant about my life, so that people can understand where I am coming from when I say certain things in recovery. You may not like my "positive attitude", I get it…. I am not positive, most of the day I am in severe pain, and depressed, alone, but I want to project positivity, to help myself, and others,
My opinion is only my opinion.
I'd like to hear about your goals, and what you doing to achieve them.
Best Regards;
Wolf
When you in physical pain, the last thing you want to hear ;
"Go for a long walk, you will feel better"
"You must go to the gym"
"Maintain a high level of fitness, become athletic"
"What do you have against exercise?"
"Pain is just a subjective sensation"
"what you going to do with your life for the next 50 years" This one I will never forget, because I did not like it, not even a little, I was really pissed off, as in really pissed off.
These things were said by my beloved surgeons over the course of my teenage years, and I hated them with a passion, because how could they say these things to someone who is declared disabled by the state? someone with severe spinal-cord damage? Instrumentation through the body? Limited lung function? Who gave them the right to put more pressure on me? Must I become a f^$$^& athlete now that I am disabled? Not very thoughtful, is it?
I dropped out of school after my fourth major surgery, and things got worse, way worse, at the age of 16 a college accepted me for a Computer Engineering Diploma, after my late mother persuaded them to give me a chance. My drs used my studies against me" "he sits in-front of a computer all day, he is studying computer engineering", that is actually in one of my medical reports. Eventually, I got major depression, and they just said "oh he is depressed...it must aggravate the pain"
In 2020 I went to see the neurosurgeon who performed brain surgery on me as a child. We sat down, looked at my latest MRI's. I said "Dr , why do I have all the symptoms?" He said "because your spinal cord is buggered". He showed me exactly what he meant in one of his neurosurgery illustration books. Point is , he never told me that when I was a child, now going for my 40's he tells me how bad it really is.
Earlier this year I went to see a top academic spinal surgeon to re-evalute my spine, he said it got worse, and I will now have to live according to my functional means. Nothing more can be done, spine is mostly fused, and with instrumentation throughout.
As a grown man, I am still not entirely sure WHY they said the things they said in my teenage years, what the true intentions were. Maybe they wanted to help me, maybe they wanted to give me hope for my future, with a mind over matter approach. I don't hold grudges against them, I don't want to say bad things about people who helped me so much, on a surgical level.
I started my own business from an early age, as I am unable to do a 8-5 job. Ironically I did business with two athletes, and it brought back all those consultation room memories".
I paid close attention to how these athletes lived their lives, I paid attention because they happen to be successful in business too, and that is why I took some time to think about why they so successful in life.
Some of the reasons that inspired me;
Athletes have goals
Athletes discipline themselves
Athletes gets injured, but they don't give-up
Athletes have endurance, pain does not stop them
Athletes dont quit after losing a game, no they go back to the gym, and field, they work harder
Athletes live a lifestyle that support their body, and mind. Their mind needs to be fit as their bodies.
Athletes don't do things that aren't in line with their goals. - This is a very important one
Another interesting thing about these two athletes, they are retired from their sports, but still workout, and eat as if they were still involved, competitively.
Today I am fit, but still crippled by chronic pain. I returned to the gym, and I work as hard as I can, that is the best that I can do for now. I try to think like an athlete in life, I disregard everything, and I just look at my goals, yet I will never be an athlete, I can just think like one. It would be unrealistic to think that I would become a fully functional person, it will not happen.
I want to make something clear, I still have major chronic pain, which requires opioids at times. My body is a train-wreck, and it will get worse as confirmed by the latest radio images. I still suffer from major depression on a DAILY basis. I am still in need of more business, as my business collapsed more than once due to my physical health problems, but I always start over, finding new business. The upside is that I get to meet new people.
I can tell you that there's a lot of work ahead in my life, I want to improve so many areas of my life. I always look at people who is more successful than I am, which is almost everyone, lol. One can learn something from each person that you meet, you may not even like the person, learn something from them, at least then you can say that you did not waste your time entirely.
This is just a little rant about my life, so that people can understand where I am coming from when I say certain things in recovery. You may not like my "positive attitude", I get it…. I am not positive, most of the day I am in severe pain, and depressed, alone, but I want to project positivity, to help myself, and others,
My opinion is only my opinion.
I'd like to hear about your goals, and what you doing to achieve them.
Best Regards;
Wolf
