TheGoodGuy
Visionary
- Aug 27, 2018
- 2,999
TL;DR: Miss being a teenager again dressing Goth looking pretty, having a life and personality.
Explaining my pathetic empty "life" and what I do in a normal day.
Skip the first paragraph if it´s too long..
Sorry it´s my second venting post but I just feel so energized, angry and sad right now I have felt this way a few times in the last few months and I usually go for a car ride but I have no car no more I had to sell it over a week ago. It´s 9:40pm in Denmark right now and it´s always at night time I have felt this I would go for a drive in my car and feel really energized and pumped which sounds good right? But no I feel I just have to do something! Go for a nice long walk which I usually do by driving to the town 7km away where I grew up and 1-2 times I would scream while driving to get all this energy out I was really angry and sad and so I am now.
The time lost:
Anyways I sit here in my apartment which is close to several school and even now at night teenagers walk past my window there were just two teenagers one dressed in punk clothing with a huge Mohawk which reminds me of the time in my teen years 14-17 when I was Goth. I also sometimes see other "alternative" teenagers kinda of an emo look walk past my window usually 2-4 at a time and I feel this great sadness partly nostalgia of the time lost, I didn´t waste my teenage years no I had adventures so I am not meaning lost in a way that I feel I wasted my time like some people feel no I just REALLY miss those days even though I had depression, was cutting myself and felt suicidal I had so much personality, friends and in general LIFE! I have a box of accessories I used to wear like spiked wristbands, sweatbands, choker with spikes, gloves, pins, chains, earings, piercings all of this stuff I used back then now I am just an empty shell of the person I once was I have no friends, no cool look, no personality really I am just waiting for death.
Just ranting:
I so miss my childhood and teen years so much! There is no happiness for me now I just sit in a tiny 24.4 square meter apartment all alone with no friends and nothing to do my computer is also 6 years old and my screen is a 60hz screen not a 144hz like most people use today. I do nothing all day I wake up late usually at around 12-1pm and do nothing all day the only thing that gets me up in the morning is that I have to get up so I can be able to consume enough calories to maintain my weight since I use 4-5 times as long on a meal (500 kcal meal) than other people.
The only thing I can look forward to is drugs I don´t use them much in the last years I would get drunk or high 3-4 times a year at most now just this week I got drunk 3 nights in a row and the last time was 2 days ago and I don´t want to feel like shit from drinking again but I really want to use the 100mg of MDMA I have but I would like to wait until next Friday not that it matters anyways since I don´t go to school or work. I have nothing to look forward to the most "fun" I have done today was watch some episodes of Two and a half men which I have already seen 4-5 times before and watch some YouTube videos and visiting forums.
Explaining my pathetic empty "life" and what I do in a normal day.
Skip the first paragraph if it´s too long..
Sorry it´s my second venting post but I just feel so energized, angry and sad right now I have felt this way a few times in the last few months and I usually go for a car ride but I have no car no more I had to sell it over a week ago. It´s 9:40pm in Denmark right now and it´s always at night time I have felt this I would go for a drive in my car and feel really energized and pumped which sounds good right? But no I feel I just have to do something! Go for a nice long walk which I usually do by driving to the town 7km away where I grew up and 1-2 times I would scream while driving to get all this energy out I was really angry and sad and so I am now.
The time lost:
Anyways I sit here in my apartment which is close to several school and even now at night teenagers walk past my window there were just two teenagers one dressed in punk clothing with a huge Mohawk which reminds me of the time in my teen years 14-17 when I was Goth. I also sometimes see other "alternative" teenagers kinda of an emo look walk past my window usually 2-4 at a time and I feel this great sadness partly nostalgia of the time lost, I didn´t waste my teenage years no I had adventures so I am not meaning lost in a way that I feel I wasted my time like some people feel no I just REALLY miss those days even though I had depression, was cutting myself and felt suicidal I had so much personality, friends and in general LIFE! I have a box of accessories I used to wear like spiked wristbands, sweatbands, choker with spikes, gloves, pins, chains, earings, piercings all of this stuff I used back then now I am just an empty shell of the person I once was I have no friends, no cool look, no personality really I am just waiting for death.
Just ranting:
I so miss my childhood and teen years so much! There is no happiness for me now I just sit in a tiny 24.4 square meter apartment all alone with no friends and nothing to do my computer is also 6 years old and my screen is a 60hz screen not a 144hz like most people use today. I do nothing all day I wake up late usually at around 12-1pm and do nothing all day the only thing that gets me up in the morning is that I have to get up so I can be able to consume enough calories to maintain my weight since I use 4-5 times as long on a meal (500 kcal meal) than other people.
The only thing I can look forward to is drugs I don´t use them much in the last years I would get drunk or high 3-4 times a year at most now just this week I got drunk 3 nights in a row and the last time was 2 days ago and I don´t want to feel like shit from drinking again but I really want to use the 100mg of MDMA I have but I would like to wait until next Friday not that it matters anyways since I don´t go to school or work. I have nothing to look forward to the most "fun" I have done today was watch some episodes of Two and a half men which I have already seen 4-5 times before and watch some YouTube videos and visiting forums.