TheGoodGuy

TheGoodGuy

Visionary
Aug 27, 2018
2,999
TL;DR: Miss being a teenager again dressing Goth looking pretty, having a life and personality.
Explaining my pathetic empty "life" and what I do in a normal day.

Skip the first paragraph if it´s too long..
Sorry it´s my second venting post but I just feel so energized, angry and sad right now I have felt this way a few times in the last few months and I usually go for a car ride but I have no car no more I had to sell it over a week ago. It´s 9:40pm in Denmark right now and it´s always at night time I have felt this I would go for a drive in my car and feel really energized and pumped which sounds good right? But no I feel I just have to do something! Go for a nice long walk which I usually do by driving to the town 7km away where I grew up and 1-2 times I would scream while driving to get all this energy out I was really angry and sad and so I am now.

The time lost:
Anyways I sit here in my apartment which is close to several school and even now at night teenagers walk past my window there were just two teenagers one dressed in punk clothing with a huge Mohawk which reminds me of the time in my teen years 14-17 when I was Goth. I also sometimes see other "alternative" teenagers kinda of an emo look walk past my window usually 2-4 at a time and I feel this great sadness partly nostalgia of the time lost, I didn´t waste my teenage years no I had adventures so I am not meaning lost in a way that I feel I wasted my time like some people feel no I just REALLY miss those days even though I had depression, was cutting myself and felt suicidal I had so much personality, friends and in general LIFE! I have a box of accessories I used to wear like spiked wristbands, sweatbands, choker with spikes, gloves, pins, chains, earings, piercings all of this stuff I used back then now I am just an empty shell of the person I once was I have no friends, no cool look, no personality really I am just waiting for death.


Just ranting:
I so miss my childhood and teen years so much! There is no happiness for me now I just sit in a tiny 24.4 square meter apartment all alone with no friends and nothing to do my computer is also 6 years old and my screen is a 60hz screen not a 144hz like most people use today. I do nothing all day I wake up late usually at around 12-1pm and do nothing all day the only thing that gets me up in the morning is that I have to get up so I can be able to consume enough calories to maintain my weight since I use 4-5 times as long on a meal (500 kcal meal) than other people.

The only thing I can look forward to is drugs I don´t use them much in the last years I would get drunk or high 3-4 times a year at most now just this week I got drunk 3 nights in a row and the last time was 2 days ago and I don´t want to feel like shit from drinking again but I really want to use the 100mg of MDMA I have but I would like to wait until next Friday not that it matters anyways since I don´t go to school or work. I have nothing to look forward to the most "fun" I have done today was watch some episodes of Two and a half men which I have already seen 4-5 times before and watch some YouTube videos and visiting forums.
 
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weedoge

weedoge

Banned
Jul 12, 2018
1,525
Agree on the time lost paragraph, I don't know about you but I've been so long without a proper identity that feels like a joke trying to even consider myself as missing out because I just don't belong in peer groups. Definitely understand what it's like to live.. just in a room with a computer and the rare hope for drugs.

If it's any consolation my 144hz monitor is old and I punched it so hard that the DVI just broke somehow and it doesn't support 144hz over hdmi, so I can only use it as 60hz. Hang in there.
 
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V

VanHeineken

Experienced
Apr 10, 2018
270
A big hug to you, my friend. May your life improve and may you find happyness and/or peace. I wish you all the best.
 
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TAW122

TAW122

Emissary of the right to die.
Aug 30, 2018
6,843
I'm sorry to hear about your empty life. Mine is pretty empty too, and it just sucks. Even outside with people, I'm oftenly alone and feel alone the vast majority of the time.
 
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TheGoodGuy

TheGoodGuy

Visionary
Aug 27, 2018
2,999
Agree on the time lost paragraph, I don't know about you but I've been so long without a proper identity that feels like a joke trying to even consider myself as missing out because I just don't belong in peer groups. Definitely understand what it's like to live.. just in a room with a computer and the rare hope for drugs.

If it's any consolation my 144hz monitor is old and I punched it so hard that the DVI just broke somehow and it doesn't support 144hz over hdmi, so I can only use it as 60hz. Hang in there.
That sucks and yes I guess that´s the short way to describe it "just in a room with a computer and the rare hope for drugs" I am really considering taking the 100mg MDMA I have in my shelf or maybe just drinking.
 
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TheGoodGuy

TheGoodGuy

Visionary
Aug 27, 2018
2,999
A big hug to you, my friend. May your life improve and may you find happyness and/or peace. I wish you all the best.
I'm sorry to hear about your empty life. Mine is pretty empty too, and it just sucks. Even outside with people, I'm oftenly alone and feel alone the vast majority of the time.
Thank you guys you´re too sweet and damn I could use a good tight hug right about now.
 
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BaconCheeseburger

BaconCheeseburger

Comfort-eating
Aug 4, 2018
693
I feel empty too. I've lost my passions and interests and now I'm just a shell, waking up, going to work, coming home. I'm not interested in doing much.

Hugs to you x
 
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S

Schopenhauer

Enlightened
Oct 3, 2018
1,133
I'm so sorry about this. You seemed to have a bright future ahead. Ending up like this is very depressing indeed. This world sucks.
 
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nzdarkshark

nzdarkshark

The Loved Mistake
Sep 4, 2018
400
I'm sorry you're going through this. It seems so lonely...
 
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longingforrelease

longingforrelease

Specialist
Oct 27, 2018
381
TL;DR: Miss being a teenager again dressing Goth looking pretty, having a life and personality.
Explaining my pathetic empty "life" and what I do in a normal day.

Skip the first paragraph if it´s too long..
Sorry it´s my second venting post but I just feel so energized, angry and sad right now I have felt this way a few times in the last few months and I usually go for a car ride but I have no car no more I had to sell it over a week ago. It´s 9:40pm in Denmark right now and it´s always at night time I have felt this I would go for a drive in my car and feel really energized and pumped which sounds good right? But no I feel I just have to do something! Go for a nice long walk which I usually do by driving to the town 7km away where I grew up and 1-2 times I would scream while driving to get all this energy out I was really angry and sad and so I am now.

The time lost:
Anyways I sit here in my apartment which is close to several school and even now at night teenagers walk past my window there were just two teenagers one dressed in punk clothing with a huge Mohawk which reminds me of the time in my teen years 14-17 when I was Goth. I also sometimes see other "alternative" teenagers kinda of an emo look walk past my window usually 2-4 at a time and I feel this great sadness partly nostalgia of the time lost, I didn´t waste my teenage years no I had adventures so I am not meaning lost in a way that I feel I wasted my time like some people feel no I just REALLY miss those days even though I had depression, was cutting myself and felt suicidal I had so much personality, friends and in general LIFE! I have a box of accessories I used to wear like spiked wristbands, sweatbands, choker with spikes, gloves, pins, chains, earings, piercings all of this stuff I used back then now I am just an empty shell of the person I once was I have no friends, no cool look, no personality really I am just waiting for death.


Just ranting:
I so miss my childhood and teen years so much! There is no happiness for me now I just sit in a tiny 24.4 square meter apartment all alone with no friends and nothing to do my computer is also 6 years old and my screen is a 60hz screen not a 144hz like most people use today. I do nothing all day I wake up late usually at around 12-1pm and do nothing all day the only thing that gets me up in the morning is that I have to get up so I can be able to consume enough calories to maintain my weight since I use 4-5 times as long on a meal (500 kcal meal) than other people.

The only thing I can look forward to is drugs I don´t use them much in the last years I would get drunk or high 3-4 times a year at most now just this week I got drunk 3 nights in a row and the last time was 2 days ago and I don´t want to feel like shit from drinking again but I really want to use the 100mg of MDMA I have but I would like to wait until next Friday not that it matters anyways since I don´t go to school or work. I have nothing to look forward to the most "fun" I have done today was watch some episodes of Two and a half men which I have already seen 4-5 times before and watch some YouTube videos and visiting forums.
I feel for you. I really do. I long for a past happier time in my life too. But I threw it all away. But I'm rooting for you. I hope there are more fulfilling times ahead for you.
 
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TheGoodGuy

TheGoodGuy

Visionary
Aug 27, 2018
2,999
I feel for you. I really do. I long for a past happier time in my life too. But I threw it all away. But I'm rooting for you. I hope there are more fulfilling times ahead for you.
Thanks that is very sweet of you but I doubt there will be fulfilling times ahead of me although I am considering trying LSD to see if it can change my view of the world and my life although I have never tried any psychedelics but read about them for years so maybe I am "lucky" that it will fix me, my mental state at least.
 
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longingforrelease

longingforrelease

Specialist
Oct 27, 2018
381
Thanks that is very sweet of you but I doubt there will be fulfilling times ahead of me although I am considering trying LSD to see if it can change my view of the world and my life although I have never tried any psychedelics but read about them for years so maybe I am "lucky" that it will fix me, my mental state at least.
i wish you luck on whichever journey you take.
 
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