Venting The things people say

[Blank Dreamer]

Some time ago, I was at work minding my own business. My depressive thoughts weren't too bad and I kept myself busy trying to finish what I needed to get done for the day. I was with my coworker whom I didn't mind working with. She was an older lady and we had a few moments where I get invited by her to join our other coworkers for a short dinner after work. She can be a bit on the loud side. On this work night, while I was sitting at the office, I overheard her speaking to another coworker. What she said pissed me off to no ends. I believe she said something along the lines of, "I feel sorry for this guy! He doesn't have a girlfriend and has no sex! What kind of a life is that?" was what I heard pretty clearly and audibly. She was most likely less than 6 feet away from me. I didn't even know how to react. I didn't confront her or look back at her. I just sat there thinking, Did she really just fucking say that...? And my thoughts started to race down a dark area. I couldn't even focus for the rest of the day. The thoughts of me being unloved and me just... ugh! I'm not actively searching for someone but god damn. I'm just tired of being seen as that one lonely guy. Or that one sad guy. And I can't shake it off.

This was maybe 2 months ago at most? So my emotions and thoughts are not as raw if I had vented about it earlier on. But the audacity that she had to even say that out loud. Pretty sure knowingly that I would hear it. Honestly, I have no fucking idea what instigated her to even say that. I don't talk much in general so I definitely don't talk about my relationship status, or even open up about it. I mean, they know I'm single but that's about it. Now I'm no virgin but that's not the point of this topic. I have a deep seated hatred about how sex is seen, handled and the be all end all sort of thing by our modern society as a whole. Now I don't want to be a hypocrite cause I do have sexual tendencies, I mean look, we're all fucking human. But I don't really like sex as much as other guys do. And by other guys I mean most guys. I've had these same thoughts all throughout my adolescence. If by some miracle I do get involved in a marriage where sex never happens then I would be 100% fine with that. Some of you people here may not believe me and that's fine. I know I'm not the only guy that have similar thoughts like I do about this. I can't be. But it sure fucking feels like I am.

I also have a deep seated hatred about the stigma that if you don't have a partner you are seen as someone to be pitied. That there's this rush to find a loving partner and getting married. I felt like this stigma was one of the reasons that messed up my life earlier. And it doesn't get any easier as one gets older. I hate it, so much. My boss would even tell me to get married by your 30s and have kids. So, you're telling me to find a partner, get to know her well enough to marry her in under some odd years practically before I hit 40s? Yeah, ok. Good fucking luck to me then if I'm rushing to find someone to marry. Since I have so many other things I need to focus on should I decide to not CTB and continue on this sorry path. Call me stupid, but I'd rather not rush in finding someone to spend the rest of my life with. I don't know even know anymore.

I'm still very mad at my coworker. I hate people who do this. Being this kind of judgemental. Everyone is judgemental, even myself. But there's a limit. And she crossed it. I try my damn best to look for the best in others and not judge their life as you can't know everything about one's life. It's pretty difficult to do so. I'll still be respectful to her and help her out in the work environment. But anything more, I'm sorry, you're on your own. I don't even feel sorry about finding out what kind of person she is.

I know I'm a lonely person. I have accepted it. I know I'm an unlovable person. That I have come to accept too. I don't need anyone to point it out for me. I don't need your judgements. Your criticisms. I already know it all...

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

people will find any excuse to be rude to others. it's like empathy or common decency is a thing of the past. i'm sorry you have to be around such people.

 

[Red]

I appreciate what you're saying, but she's just showing how narrow her perspective of the world is, not thinking how she might offend someone by showing scorn for another person's way of life...
Just thoughtless, plain and simple, try not to take it personally as it wasn't directed at you (although again I could see how it could).
However there are plenty of other, far more direct and spiteful, things that people do to get angry at lol

 

[Blank Dreamer]

I appreciate what you're saying, but she's just showing how narrow her perspective of the world is, not thinking how she might offend someone by showing scorn for another person's way of life...
Just thoughtless, plain and simple, try not to take it personally as it wasn't directed at you (although again I could see how it could).
However there are plenty of other, far more direct and spiteful, things that people do to get angry at lol

Perhaps I've been on edge recently... haven't been in a good head space for... obvious reasons.

I'm well aware the things that people can do. Luckily, I myself haven't experienced most of the horrific things directly but have seen it to other people or have read/watched on media. Thank you though!

Also, I like your image of the cat! So adorable!

 

[mapletree]

Yeah I hear lots of comments about how women who are single and childless after 30 are sterile degenerate roasties past their expiration date. It sucks but what can ya do

 

[Red]

Bless you I can see why it's got your back up though, people live in their own little bubbles and pass judgement without even realising it!

People are such dicks it makes me cross every day I have to remember little things like this to keep myself in line! I'm probably just as much of a dick as the people I'm pissed at when it comes down to it

Aw thanks, he's lovely
Think he was asking for food or play in that photo lol

 

[Sinkinshyp]

you aren't unlovable you haven't found the right one yet. My 1st step dad my mom was his first gf he was ohh I think about 25 or 26 than. He got married to another woman about 5 yrs ago he's now past mid 50's and they just had a baby a couple of years ago. He was a good step dad and I'm happy he met someone who loves him and he's able to experience being a father. I'm sorry that woman was so rude, loud and call you out to the work team that way. I guess she puts a value on life as sex and relationships. I'm 48 and single. For the last 10 yrs I have been except 6 months and thats by choice. Don't let people who only value sex and having a partner make you feel less than because you are more than!

 

[Blank Dreamer]

People are such dicks it makes me cross every day I have to remember little things like this to keep myself in line! I'm probably just as much of a dick as the people I'm pissed at when it comes down to it

Aw thanks, he's lovely
Think he was asking for food or play in that photo lol

Ah yes, I can definitely relate. I can be the same way to people in general. Depends on the circumstance and who they are in relation to me. Guess I became more cynical over the years.

I can totally see that in the way your cat is looking at the camera. Just makes it more adorable!

you aren't unlovable you haven't found the right one yet. My 1st step dad my mom was his first gf he was ohh I think about 25 or 26 than. He got married to another woman about 5 yrs ago he's now past mid 50's and they just had a baby a couple of years ago. He was a good step dad and I'm happy he met someone who loves him and he's able to experience being a father. I'm sorry that woman was so rude, loud and call you out to the work team that way. I guess she puts a value on life as sex and relationships. I'm 48 and single. For the last 10 yrs I have been except 6 months and thats by choice. Don't let people who only value sex and having a partner make you feel less than because you are more than!

I appreciate your response. That's what I thought too in the few things that my coworker values. Nothing wrong with that, it's just something I don't agree with. Cheers.

 

[SipSop]

Some time ago, I was at work minding my own business. My depressive thoughts weren't too bad and I kept myself busy trying to finish what I needed to get done for the day. I was with my coworker whom I didn't mind working with. She was an older lady and we had a few moments where I get invited by her to join our other coworkers for a short dinner after work. She can be a bit on the loud side. On this work night, while I was sitting at the office, I overheard her speaking to another coworker. What she said pissed me off to no ends. I believe she said something along the lines of, "I feel sorry for this guy! He doesn't have a girlfriend and has no sex! What kind of a life is that?" was what I heard pretty clearly and audibly. She was most likely less than 6 feet away from me. I didn't even know how to react. I didn't confront her or look back at her. I just sat there thinking, Did she really just fucking say that...? And my thoughts started to race down a dark area. I couldn't even focus for the rest of the day. The thoughts of me being unloved and me just... ugh! I'm not actively searching for someone but god damn. I'm just tired of being seen as that one lonely guy. Or that one sad guy. And I can't shake it off.

This was maybe 2 months ago at most? So my emotions and thoughts are not as raw if I had vented about it earlier on. But the audacity that she had to even say that out loud. Pretty sure knowingly that I would hear it. Honestly, I have no fucking idea what instigated her to even say that. I don't talk much in general so I definitely don't talk about my relationship status, or even open up about it. I mean, they know I'm single but that's about it. Now I'm no virgin but that's not the point of this topic. I have a deep seated hatred about how sex is seen, handled and the be all end all sort of thing by our modern society as a whole. Now I don't want to be a hypocrite cause I do have sexual tendencies, I mean look, we're all fucking human. But I don't really like sex as much as other guys do. And by other guys I mean most guys. I've had these same thoughts all throughout my adolescence. If by some miracle I do get involved in a marriage where sex never happens then I would be 100% fine with that. Some of you people here may not believe me and that's fine. I know I'm not the only guy that have similar thoughts like I do about this. I can't be. But it sure fucking feels like I am.

I also have a deep seated hatred about the stigma that if you don't have a partner you are seen as someone to be pitied. That there's this rush to find a loving partner and getting married. I felt like this stigma was one of the reasons that messed up my life earlier. And it doesn't get any easier as one gets older. I hate it, so much. My boss would even tell me to get married by your 30s and have kids. So, you're telling me to find a partner, get to know her well enough to marry her in under some odd years practically before I hit 40s? Yeah, ok. Good fucking luck to me then if I'm rushing to find someone to marry. Since I have so many other things I need to focus on should I decide to not CTB and continue on this sorry path. Call me stupid, but I'd rather not rush in finding someone to spend the rest of my life with. I don't know even know anymore.

I'm still very mad at my coworker. I hate people who do this. Being this kind of judgemental. Everyone is judgemental, even myself. But there's a limit. And she crossed it. I try my damn best to look for the best in others and not judge their life as you can't know everything about one's life. It's pretty difficult to do so. I'll still be respectful to her and help her out in the work environment. But anything more, I'm sorry, you're on your own. I don't even feel sorry about finding out what kind of person she is.

I know I'm a lonely person. I have accepted it. I know I'm an unlovable person. That I have come to accept too. I don't need anyone to point it out for me. I don't need your judgements. Your criticisms. I already know it all...

Hmm, I'm on your side.
This enraged me.
You are right, this is what they talk when they look like people like us.
We didn't asked for this.
I wish I looked better, more manly and handosme but the lottery of genes was not with me that day.
It just happens that some people are born better than others. And it is not fair.
Others have it easier. Fuck!
And the thing is, that is not even about characrer or smarts.
Those things are stuff that women delude themselves with.
Is about looks, that get you laid. Is like a dirty secret that you have to keep it for yourself. Of course you can get some low value looking girl but the good ones need huge handsome guys. Wich you can check yourself wherever you are , this is how it goes. Looks will get you relationship with at least one women at once.

 

[catalepsy]

I had someone at work ask me if I was a virgin once. I laughed in their face for about ten minutes off and on but never said anything to them yay or nay. I think it's better to leave them guessing. It's more mysterious that way. You have to take that step into reality testing - these people don't know you, your life, your feelings, your experiences, or what you have or have not done in your bedroom after you've clocked out of work and gone home for the night/day and left their sight. For all they know, you're whoring it up with everything that has an unoccupied hole. They're just guessing and needling to get a reaction. Don't ever give them the reaction they want. It's no fun if you do that.

 

[not4us]

I believe she said something along the lines of, "I feel sorry for this guy! He doesn't have a girlfriend and has no sex! What kind of a life is that?" was what I heard pretty clearly and audibly.

Most of the times when people say this, what they really wanna say is "I have sex, that guy doesn't" - compassion is being used as a cover for show off.
Why say it out loud? bullying urges never die in some people.
Does she make backhanded comments every now and then?