Venting The sweet release.

[Timelapse]

I welcome death.

But the idea to die, painfully.. I cant handle, so my method of choice is to OD into a peaceful sleep.

Ive swallowed over 100 Xanax before and fell into a 5 day coma or just unconscious, idk, but in that time.. total darkness, nothingness.
Waking up, I felt I had just texted my goodbye to the love of my life.. and there they were, with the gift I had sent them... I was distraught at the fact I was still alive but the look on their face... made me smile like... wow, I get to see them again.

But that 5 day, I was at peace.. no thoughts, no feelings, no emotions, no pain, no joy, no shame, no pride... Just empty darkness. It went by like a flash. Which made me realize that.. that moment of true silence.. is what true eternal peace is. The black screen of death... for eternity.

I understand life a little better now. We are but intricate pieces of fireworks, meant to blow and shine for a while. Some are duds and will never be able to sparkle, some do majestic maneuvers to dazzle, some twinkle way longer than expected, some burn your retinas. Whatever may be your type, you will be sent off into the air and you will do your thing. Then its lights out, forever.

No do-overs.

And I'm okay with that.

As someone who doesn't enjoy the everyday chase.. I wouldn't wish life for anyone.. as I regret being born daily.
I'm tired of the everyday.
The loneliness.
Surrounded by soulless people looking for a profit.

And also knowing I have a mental disease and will be predispose to negative thought process until I die or until an actual medication that works can be found.. Makes me lose hope in life.

Death is but a peaceful way to set you free from the shackles of being a life form who feels pain. We are nothing else than the brain we carry. Once that decomposes. We cease to be. What made us.. us, is no more. And for a life long lived.. the fact that we age and we succumb to diseases and fatigue.
I understand why death exists.

I welcome it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand feeling so tired of it all, the peace of never existing again is certainly all I wish for, more than anything I wish I never suffered in this existence, I'd never wish for the burden of human existence. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

this is beautifully written. heard and felt OP xx

 

[lawlietsph]

I really love your words. Made me tear up a little bit

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

i agree with most of what you wrote in your OP. i u are just our brains. we exist only when that brain is conscious. every night we cease to exist in dreamless sleep. even when dreaming is that really us? no cause in many cases i think differently in dreams than when waking. while dreaming i'll believe some things are really happening when if I were awake i wouldn't believe them or i would think "this is a dream it's not real" but my dreaming "self" has no clue a lot of the time and the thinking is different . it's just your brain that has some centers like the pre-frontal cortex more asleep than others so you are fooled. also when drinking alcohol or drugs the person changes cause the drugs affect parts of the brain.

after the brain dies it's non-existence forever. Death / non-existence frees a human and other animals from pain and from the threat of years long constant unbearable pain. non-existence forever is the only perfection the only guarantee of never suffering never any pain never any problems nor bad memories.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

This post is so well written. I hope you find peace soon