Venting The sun sets, I am scared

[solenoid]

I am scared to see it again, scared of waking up and realizing that it wasn't a dream.
I am scared that of all the possible paths, I chose pain, isolation and self destruction.
I am scared of looking back, to realize that I was my own tormentor.
I am scared to realize that the one person I hate the most, is sharing the same skin.
I am scared that my mind will leave me before I will leave it, that the string will break before the last note has been played.

 

[Michael_the_ratman]

I am scared to see it again, scared of waking up and realizing that it wasn't a dream.
I am scared that of all the possible paths, I chose pain, isolation and self destruction.
I am scared of looking back, to realize that I was my own tormentor.
I am scared to realize that the one person I hate the most, is sharing the same skin.
I am scared that my mind will leave me before I will leave it, that the string will break before the last note has been played.

I can't help but feel sad reading your post.

I understand your fear of failing your attempt. The way you're feeling is valid.

Please please please, for the love of god, confided talking to someone. You don't even necessarily have to tell them about your suicidal thoughts or any vent. Just have a friendly talk. Maybe call a parent, a coworker or an old friend? And just talk. You may have fun, and think in those moments that it will be okay. When we are depressed, we often think that this is gonna be like this forever. This couldn't be more false. I promise, it'll get better, somehow. You are not bound to hate yourself forever, to be depressed forever and to want to die forever. There's hope, there's support, I promise (:

I really hope that you'll get better and I wish the best for you ^^