The shame of responsibility...

[HndSumDvl]

Most days... scratch that, EACH DAY my mind is occupied with dark thoughts...
The longer I'm alive, the more miserable I feel. Relationships are a burden to me. I don't maintain many and the ones I do seem not to be by my own choice.
It hurts to not want to be here anymore yet struggle with taking the final action.
I have 2 children... I love them as much as I am capable and do my best to not let them see my darkness.
As much as I tell myself that I care I am equally resentful of their youth and their dependence
Its my great shame to wish so much light for them while my reality, my belief system, my every breathe is informed by nothing but darkness.
It makes living difficult yet stops me from CTB...for now...

What keeps you missing the bus?

 

[wtg]

Too scared to actually CTB

 

[unnormal9]

What keeps you from missing the bus?

Unreliable methods (past) and no accessibility to reliable peaceful enough methods.

 

[HndSumDvl]

Too scared to actually CTB

There is a part of me that is afraid. I'm also shameful of that. I don't want my action to contribute to another's suffering.
Mind you, I've always been awe inspired by those close to me who decided to leave this world
Such a contradiction

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm unfortunately only still trapped here due to the inaccessibility and difficulty of suicide, there are too many risks involved in leaving here with the potential for even worse suffering to be experienced if one tries to exit. It's just the unfortunate reality, it's very tragic how humans are denied the option to just exit peacefully, such a horrible, cruel world we exist in, I find it so sad how people continue to bring life here.

 

[Rumi]

The main thing keeping me here is the fact that I don't have my own place; if I did, I would have ordered SN a long time ago.

Every method becomes impossible when you're constantly surrounded by people.

 

[StolenLife]

I haven't finished Uni yet and I need to because that's the only good thing in my life and a plan B if I fail ctb. Also no SN or N.