It's all variations of 'Its not your fault, its because of xyz in my life'. I wish I could believe it, but its hard to when it keeps happening again and again with completely different people in completly different scenarios.
Looking through an optimistic lens: as Linda said, it's possible it may in large part be due to bad luck. I imagine everyone from time to time finds themselves in situations that leave them occupied and distant from many of the people in their lives. Perhaps that has just happened a few too many times in a row?
"People step back when the pool of your blood edges up too close" is what Chuck Palahniuk wrote (I don't remember the exact quote), in reality I think people get sick of situations that never change or get better though it is not our fault. We put in more effort since we need the company more as vulnerable people, it really hurts that they would never inconvenience themselves even a little bit.
The full quote from Palahniuk is this: "No matter how much you think you love somebody, you'll step back when the pool of their blood edges up too close."
Personally, I disagree with the quote. I have to imagine that for many if not most people, if they were to see someone they love hurt and in a pool of blood, they would rush to them. But maybe I'm misinterpreting the quote (I'm not that familiar with Palahniuk.)
"Friendship" is a bit of a lost cause imo. Look at Palestinian people, they are getting help only from strangers — good samaritans, the lifeblood of humanity — and from within their families. It has been the same for me. Friends are for good times only.
Friendships can be tenuous, but I don't believe friendships as a whole are ever a lost cause. I believe there are always genuine and worthwhile connections that can be made, no matter how difficult or vulnerable our circumstances may be. And even if they are short-lived, friendships can still be of value and meaning.
You say they receive help from strangers, yet imply that strangers who are good samaritans can never build friendships with the people whom they help. Isn't that untrue?
I am great at making friends. I am so utterly terrible at keeping them.
I cannot hold a close personal friendship with someone for more than a few months at a time. They always eventually become distant, unavailable, or otherwise incapable or uninterested in conversing with me.
Every time it happens I see the signs, and I do anything and everything I can to stop it. But nothing I do can prevent it, and before I know it, I'm alone again. This has happened over five times over the past decade with anyone i get very close with and it makes it so hard to keep going.
How do I stop this from happening?
It's possible that in trying to hold onto friendships, one may end up achieving the opposite. The negative feelings which persuade us to cling harder are likely to affect us in other ways as well — perhaps, in ways that are not conducive to maintaining bonds with others.
I could probably learn a thing or two from you, by the way. I'm not great at making friends, but I seem to hold on to them okay.
