Venting The running-out-of-money vent

[Horrors Lazuli]

Sadly, I'm still around. I've been trying to CTB since this community was on Reddit.

Every time I try to plan for the end, I end up giving life another go. Yet, things continue getting worse. I am now more broke than I have ever been and although my life has improved socially and I'm even in a romantic relationship now, I'm still dissatisfied and financially insecure. And now I'm about to reach financial ruin. I have less than $2,000 (USD) left in my checking account, plus $980 put away in a different account to cover next month's rent. Beyond this, my income has come to a halt. As a result of a physical disability, I'm unable to maintain a traditional full-time job and had recently been working as a contractor as an interpreter and translator. The agency I was working with has suddenly stopped scheduling appointments for me. I'm frustrated, sad, and scared because I am actually good at this, and working in this capacity doesn't exhaust me beyond my limits.

It seems like I can never get better and no matter how much I keep trying, I fucking fail. I've given up on myself—and I can't believe I'm incapable of monetizing the skills I have.

If I can't figure this shit out, I have a place picked out in Marin County to jump off a cliff into rocks if I'm lucky, or into the ocean if I'm less lucky.

Now, I'm going to try to make money reading tarot cards on my Instagram profile.

 

[absolomonisgone]

Maybe that's a blessing in disguise. When you find yourself out of money options completely, CTB won't be so hard after all. It'll be the next best option!

 

[Horrors Lazuli]

Maybe that's a blessing in disguise. When you find yourself out of money options completely, CTB won't be so hard after all. It'll be the next best option!

I'm not sure I want to die anymore. Now, I might not have any options left.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I can relate to this. Wanting ctb so much vs not wanting to die and the best option is still ctb. It's an awful situation.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really awful being in that situation. It's certainly such a dreadful world we exist in where people suffer so much all through no fault of their own but anyway I wish you the best.

 

[absolomonisgone]

I'm not sure I want to die anymore. Now, I might not have any options left.

If you don't want to die, then not having money won't make you want to die. There are millions - maybe billions of people who have no money and they will do anything to stay alive. Some even can't meet basic needs like proper meals, shelter, school fees for kids- but, they have no intention of ctb or it never crosses their minds.
However, if you want to ctb, you will create an excuse - like running out of money.
Anyway, it's your decision.
But, if money is what you want, you will find a way of making some

 

[Horrors Lazuli]

It must be really awful being in that situation. It's certainly such a dreadful world we exist in where people suffer so much all through no fault of their own but anyway I wish you the best.

I'm so, so, so tired of having problems. I don't have any more energy to keep going. I think I've fallen into poverty and there's nothing I can do about it anymore. Better dead than poor.

If you don't want to die, then not having money won't make you want to die. There are millions - maybe billions of people who have no money and they will do anything to stay alive. Some even can't meet basic needs like proper meals, shelter, school fees for kids- but, they have no intention of ctb or it never crosses their minds.
However, if you want to ctb, you will create an excuse - like running out of money.
Anyway, it's your decision.
But, if money is what you want, you will find a way of making some

Well, I'm not used to poverty and I don't accept that lifestyle. Death might be better.

 

[absolomonisgone]

I'm so, so, so tired of having problems. I don't have any more energy to keep going. I think I've fallen into poverty and there's nothing I can do about it anymore. Better dead than poor.

Well, I'm not used to poverty and I don't accept that lifestyle. Death might be better.

Government actor of some sort? Or someone with extreme IT capability? Or internet service provider? You can do better. Not that it changes anything

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Sorry you are going through this. I have the same problem. I'm tired of working and barely surviving.
Going through this day after day... No end in sight.
I really hope things can get better for you.

 

[Horrors Lazuli]

Sorry you are going through this. I have the same problem. I'm tired of working and barely surviving.
Going through this day after day... No end in sight.
I really hope things can get better for you.

I wish a group of people with similar problems could create a joint pool of money from all of our incomes and then everyone receives an equal part, and do that monthly. Sometimes, when a member of the group needs more we can donate a portion of what we receive.

 

[istheretrulyalife?]

If you don't want to die, then not having money won't make you want to die. There are millions - maybe billions of people who have no money and they will do anything to stay alive. Some even can't meet basic needs like proper meals, shelter, school fees for kids- but, they have no intention of ctb or it never crosses their minds.
However, if you want to ctb, you will create an excuse - like running out of money.
Anyway, it's your decision.
But, if money is what you want, you will find a way of making some

I've seen these type of comments a lot. "Well people have it worse and don't think of cbt" so? Isn't it kind of invalidating? I know you don't mean it like that, but it's something that is said waayyy to often.

everyone handles situations differently, and its something I get weirdly worked up over when this is mentioned

 

[absolomonisgone]

I'm sorry if it came across the wrong way..., Have a good night. I need some sleep. Once again, I'm sorry

 

[Horrors Lazuli]

There are still many steps that separate me from homelessness. If I'm able to qualify for unemployment insurance I might get enough thousands of back pay to get on my feet and try again.

 

[istheretrulyalife?]

I'm sorry if it came across the wrong way..., Have a good night. I need some sleep. Once again, I'm sorry

Don't sweat it

 

[Horrors Lazuli]

Don't sweat it

Everyone gets a pass on this forum.

 

[Horrors Lazuli]

I'm going to stake out my suicide site today in Marin County. I will report back here with pictures and ideas. I'm excited, wish me luck!

 

[qsocdu]

I can give tips on investments if you want, not trying to sell you anything, it's my job. I struggled a lot with financial problems, but money isn't the issue now, chronic pain is