KleinerWolf
Account Wipe.
- Apr 30, 2020
- 2,700
The topic of relevance here is immigration and gambling but I assume the "root and secondary problem" syndrome applies to other people also.
I'll put it as venting for now because I don't think it's easy to make it a discussion or have heaps insights coming in.
Basically I just had a gambling relapse of -$145 after a month from previous relapse,
This time I was more aware of the triggers but relapsed regardless as anyone would expect.
I was mostly seeking the feeling of winning, attempting to escape from negative emotions and futile immigration situation.
Gambling is probably like my major secondary problem causing me harm.
but the thing is, without solving the root problem causing the pain,
my secondary problems will continue to be there.
I have essentially dug myself into a hole, or it was already dug when I was born,
however I would not put up with a life in places like China,
yet unable to make it to gain new identity,
therefore stuck in the same situation for eternity.
I think I might have to kill myself at some point,
because I cannot apply for refugee since I don't think I'd qualify,
I struggle with skilled migration too much things have not worked out at all,
I cannot go back to where I came from, because I am in no position to swollow my ego.
I don't know what to say honestly,
Other than my life quality is abysmal,
And I basically have no support regarding family or friends,
So that's kinda lame too.
not a good situation, hmm.
Just me in my own battles, without hope.
Usually not winning, and lots of despair.
*sigh*
TLDR: I suffered yet another gambling relapse hoping to escape negative emotions and life situation. My gambling relapses are a symptom stemming off my main problem - immigration. (The secondary problems persist without having solutions for primary issues.)
I'll put it as venting for now because I don't think it's easy to make it a discussion or have heaps insights coming in.
Basically I just had a gambling relapse of -$145 after a month from previous relapse,
This time I was more aware of the triggers but relapsed regardless as anyone would expect.
I was mostly seeking the feeling of winning, attempting to escape from negative emotions and futile immigration situation.
Gambling is probably like my major secondary problem causing me harm.
but the thing is, without solving the root problem causing the pain,
my secondary problems will continue to be there.
I have essentially dug myself into a hole, or it was already dug when I was born,
however I would not put up with a life in places like China,
yet unable to make it to gain new identity,
therefore stuck in the same situation for eternity.
I think I might have to kill myself at some point,
because I cannot apply for refugee since I don't think I'd qualify,
I struggle with skilled migration too much things have not worked out at all,
I cannot go back to where I came from, because I am in no position to swollow my ego.
I don't know what to say honestly,
Other than my life quality is abysmal,
And I basically have no support regarding family or friends,
So that's kinda lame too.
not a good situation, hmm.
Just me in my own battles, without hope.
Usually not winning, and lots of despair.
*sigh*
TLDR: I suffered yet another gambling relapse hoping to escape negative emotions and life situation. My gambling relapses are a symptom stemming off my main problem - immigration. (The secondary problems persist without having solutions for primary issues.)
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