-nobodyknows-
Arcanist
- Jun 16, 2024
- 445
The tides continue to swell. I am slowly being dragged away, deeper into the abyss. I want to scream. I want someone to take my hand and pull me out of this. But I no longer can. I think my voice has gone hoarse at this point. I've been crying out for so long, and now, I can barely manage a whisper.
When I fade into the dark, and finally close my eyes, will they finally see? Will they be able to understand how much effort I put into trying to make it back to shore? I hope that they do not hate me for this, although I wouldn't not blame them if they did.
Someone like me, who only brings sadness onto others, has no place in this world. Can you understand that? I don't want to hurt you anymore. All I am, all I ever was, and all I ever will be, is a curse upon those who surround me.
So I will do what needs to be done. I will accept the pull of the tide. No more medications. No more therapy. No more treatments. I will face my fate. And if you do not appear before me, if you do not take my hand, and lift me above the water, I will not hold it against you. If you do not exist, I will not hate this world. It would simply mean that there was never a way out for me.
So pull me away. Swallow me. Crush me into nothing. I do not want you, but I no longer have the strength to resist you. Do what you will.
And yet, even as I surrender myself, I still keep my eyes open. Watching for someone to come after me. For someone to see me, for someone to try to help me. I will accept their help. But, the real question is whether or not I will be too heavy for them to take back to shore with them. For if trying to help me only causes them to sink with me, then they should let me go. It's okay. I will not hate you. I will thank you, as I did all the others, and say goodbye.
But if you stayed, if you did not abandon me, I would be so grateful.
When I fade into the dark, and finally close my eyes, will they finally see? Will they be able to understand how much effort I put into trying to make it back to shore? I hope that they do not hate me for this, although I wouldn't not blame them if they did.
Someone like me, who only brings sadness onto others, has no place in this world. Can you understand that? I don't want to hurt you anymore. All I am, all I ever was, and all I ever will be, is a curse upon those who surround me.
So I will do what needs to be done. I will accept the pull of the tide. No more medications. No more therapy. No more treatments. I will face my fate. And if you do not appear before me, if you do not take my hand, and lift me above the water, I will not hold it against you. If you do not exist, I will not hate this world. It would simply mean that there was never a way out for me.
So pull me away. Swallow me. Crush me into nothing. I do not want you, but I no longer have the strength to resist you. Do what you will.
And yet, even as I surrender myself, I still keep my eyes open. Watching for someone to come after me. For someone to see me, for someone to try to help me. I will accept their help. But, the real question is whether or not I will be too heavy for them to take back to shore with them. For if trying to help me only causes them to sink with me, then they should let me go. It's okay. I will not hate you. I will thank you, as I did all the others, and say goodbye.
But if you stayed, if you did not abandon me, I would be so grateful.
