KuriGohan&Kamehameha
想死不能 - 想活不能
- Nov 23, 2020
- 1,703
Selfishness is the crux of what drives DNA to survive and replicate. To maintain life, we seek out reward reinforcers- cues and stimuli that allow us to anticipate the retrieval of food, water, sex, and various other basal needs. In modern society, satiating those needs is often contingent upon discarding other people's wants and prioritising your own survival.
However, not everyone's physiology is the same. One may be fine tuned to have less of a response to dopamine (the main driver of reward reinforcement) simply due to a teeny polymorphism in a gene. In such cases, the individual's receptors will not respond as robustly to these stimuli.
While you can antagonise the transporters that remove neurotransmitters from the synaptic cleft, artificially increasing the amount of dopamine in the synapse, this will not do much if the individual's genetic makeup does inhibits sufficient production of dopamine in the first place.
Is that the fault of the individual? Of course not. Yet, our society is filled to the brim with sophisticated chimpanzees who can't think beyond clichés like, "They brought this on themselves. They didn't try hard enough to be happy." Even when it can be scientifically proven that your health problem has nothing to do with your "mindset" others will still act as if it's your fault for not being positive and saccharine enough.
Responses like these make it easier for someone to rationalize their disdain for the "losers." It is easier to discard someone and abandon them when you have consciously made the decision to label them as a lost cause. It is easier to cast blame on someone whose plight you don't understand, than to sit down and try to conceptualise what they are going through.
This leads back to my main point, selfishness. Rugged individualism has tainted the Western world and created a dog eat dog, competitive culture. Being totally self centered is just as bad as complete self-sacrifice for the betterment of others (all whilst ignoring your own needs). Yet, which one allows you to climb the hierarchy quicker? Which one makes you look tougher and stronger in the eyes of others?
We have this paradox in society where people tell you to reach out to others and place your trust in them, all while the social and environmental needs of humans are completely ignored in favor of low efficacy drugs and therapy-interventions that often serve to demonise the individual and make them feel like defective products rather than provide them with any tangible solutions.
There is no sense of community anywhere, only surface level, opaque falsehoods that ostracize individuals who weren't lucky enough to be born into loving families or fit into pre-defined social constructs of charisma and extroversion. If you don't have these things, it's your fault. Everything is a YOU problem.
No one wants to be seen meddling in someone's affairs, even if it could change a person's life for the better. We are told we need to love ourselves first before anyone could give a damn about us, when a person's sense of self is fundamentally shaped by their genetics and the environment they grew up in. Memories are what mould us.
No child chooses to be unloved, yet when these neglected children grow up, people tell them it's their responsibility to "address the trauma" and magically manifest confidence/experiences they've been deprived of. By adulthood, you are trying to fumble your way around the connections that have already formed in your brain.
All of this comes about because people refuse to admit there currently is no cure for ptsd, and all of the current mental health paradigms are completely failing those who have to endure chronic, incurable suffering.
Yet those who have never experienced prolonged isolation and torture will seriously believe that a scripted one hour therapy session every week will be a panacea for deeply seated scarring. This applies to any sort of illness, whether it be chronic pain, longterm injuries, ptsd, anxiety, bpd, chronic fatigue syndrome, etc etc. If this "help" isn't curing you, regardless of your problem, you aren't trying.
It all boils down to selfishness. People don't want to address the intrinsic societal issues that breed isolation, nor do they want to address the immense control DNA has over their lives, so they toss the burden to the "professionals" and wash their hands of you.
Simeltanously, suicidal people will lose all connections and often be degraded by those in their vicinity, then be told they are the selfish ones for making others grieve in their wake. I think the opposite is true here. The people who don't give a single shit about the suicidal person until they die are the selfish ones.
I find it sardonically amusing that the people who have everything are the fastest to berate those who have nothing. In my experience, it is always the people who are miraculously blessed with a stable home environment, good looks, wealth, health, and insane amounts of social connections who will blame us for our misfortune.
It's not their fault for thinking this way, after all, our perceptions are guided by past experiences. So when everything has worked out for them so far, how can we expect them to understand? Even I fell prey to this mentality a bit as a teenager, I couldn't fathom the true burden of chronic pain until it hit me like a freight train.
Yet rather than trying to remedy this, our culture has sunk further into the hole of "self-love" platitudes. A few days ago I was sitting in a hair salon getting my hair cut. In addition to me, all of the employees and patrons were women as well. A visibly upper class, attractive, married mother with kids was sitting there snickering about her disdain for "incels" and how they are pathetic virgins who throw hissy fits because they can't get laid. I am sure she also thinks they are not trying hard enough to love and improve themselves.
Even though I am a woman and obviously will never be able to fully comprehend what these men go through, I still have compassion for them. I really wanted to tell the woman she has no right to mock other people's problems when she is objectively sitting in a position of privledge, not having to work because she is married, and getting expensive hair treatments done in a salon.
Once again, a prime example of one's character being attacked for their suffering. I'm sure if her husband left her and she was struggling to find another partner, she wouldn't be laughing. This viscous cycle keeps repeating itself where I witness this sort of behavior from other people and it further dampens any hope I have left.
There are so many people out there whose lives would be brightened by having a stable presence in their day to day life. There are elderly people with no families who rot alone in care homes, with no companionship to be seen. It is pitiful and tragic. I have even been told off by the few people I do have in my life for sticking by someone or trying to help them when, "it's not my problem."
When I have lamented about my lack of family and friends to someone recently, I was word for word told if I want a family, I need to have a child, because that's what every other normal adult does. Also, I was told that no one is ever going to embrace me as a part of their family unit, so I need to get over it. All this achieved was resurfacing hurtful memories where my Foster siblings told me it didn't matter that I was leaving, because I'm not their "real sister."
To me, this mindset is absolutely appalling and proves how much people value DNA and its replication above all else. If you can't care about someone without the presence of a specific amino acid residue in their cells, then I'm sorry, but you are no better than a worm with no prefrontal cortex who can't think for itself. Everyone deserves to be loved regardless of how similar their DNA is to yours.
It is a harsh reality that biological nuclear families are prioritised and if you don't have one, you're shit out of luck, but also, your partners can be as ephemeral as they want because no one has any obligation to care about you unless they're getting some sort of pleasure out of it. Love is conditional.
The problem with people is that sociocultural influences only serve to fuel this hands off, hedonistic mindset, where of us with issues are left for the wolves, where the medical industry is elevated and diefied to God status (They must have all the answers and cures for everything that ails you!) and isolation is normalised as a punishment for not being loud and desirable enough.
You know, I would feel far better if people openly admitted to the fact that they practice social darwinism and survival of the fittest, but they don't. Platidues are plastered nearly everywhere you look, about how disabled and disadvantaged humans are valued, and we matter, yet reality begs to differ when it comes to this sugar-coated narrative.
Diversity is only celebrated when it is increasing productivity and serving as inspiration porn. People within marginalised groups who aren't glamourizised media friendly success stories are ignored and abandoned.
I have suffered my whole life from various disabilities, born with autism and now physically incapacitated in multiple ways, and there has never been anything but surface level support. The prevailing message is that I don't deserve love because I am not providing pleasure and hedonism for other people. I am boring. I am broken.
There is no system out there for connecting individuals who are truly on their own. Just individualised therapy, group therapy (where you can't even befriend the other people in the group) and home care for when you get to the absolute point of no return and can no longer physically care for yourself. Even then, this is limited to the most extreme cases where the person would likely starve to death with no intervention.
People are accustomed to the modern, artifical way of living where social connections are disposable and can be cut off at anytime. Nothing is meaningful. I have experienced it firsthand how people will talk so sweetly to you and pretend to understand, then throw you away when they can no longer have sex with you for their own selfish pleasure and use you up.
To add insult to injury, those people who can pop off to a new job in the drop of the hat, buy the finest clothes money has to offer, date nearly any one they want to pursue, dance the night away in clubs, etc will seriously tell you that you could have the same lifestyle as them if you tinkered with your personality and learned to hide your flaws.
I am tired of the selfishness. I am not allowed to ctb yet it is perfectly acceptable to treat me like garbage for wanting to exit this world. The same person who pretended to understand my problems and made false promises like taking me to meet his family at Christmas has all but ditched me. The reason for this, in his own words was, "Not for your sake, but my own, so I have the freedom of no commitments". Now this person has nothing more to say than "Wow, that sucks, you need to try harder to go outside. I'm sure you'll find new people eventually."
My legs hurt everyday, so does my back, my head, my hands, my feet. My vision is permanently distorted. I am constantly fatigued and sleep around 10 hours a day because my body physically can't stay awake. I constantly run fevers, feel like I'm freezing to death, have swollen lymph nodes, and have to watch my fingers and toes turn purple and go numb due to my poor circulation. Not only that, but I'm an autistic freak with palpable anomalies in my speech.
Yeah sure I can just hit up the club like you! What a sick joke. People can go from being supportive and offering to help you to nearly ghosting you completely as soon as they decide you aren't useful in their quest for surviving as long as possible and spreading their genes.
This is definitely a huge reason why I am going to ctb. I can't take the constant deception, selfishness, and lies from people. I wish they would just be straight up in regards to their thoughts about us "have nots" rather than playing pretend and enticing us with false pretenses.
Perhaps that makes me selfish too, to crave intimacy and connection so much. I don't want to live anymore.
However, not everyone's physiology is the same. One may be fine tuned to have less of a response to dopamine (the main driver of reward reinforcement) simply due to a teeny polymorphism in a gene. In such cases, the individual's receptors will not respond as robustly to these stimuli.
While you can antagonise the transporters that remove neurotransmitters from the synaptic cleft, artificially increasing the amount of dopamine in the synapse, this will not do much if the individual's genetic makeup does inhibits sufficient production of dopamine in the first place.
Is that the fault of the individual? Of course not. Yet, our society is filled to the brim with sophisticated chimpanzees who can't think beyond clichés like, "They brought this on themselves. They didn't try hard enough to be happy." Even when it can be scientifically proven that your health problem has nothing to do with your "mindset" others will still act as if it's your fault for not being positive and saccharine enough.
Responses like these make it easier for someone to rationalize their disdain for the "losers." It is easier to discard someone and abandon them when you have consciously made the decision to label them as a lost cause. It is easier to cast blame on someone whose plight you don't understand, than to sit down and try to conceptualise what they are going through.
This leads back to my main point, selfishness. Rugged individualism has tainted the Western world and created a dog eat dog, competitive culture. Being totally self centered is just as bad as complete self-sacrifice for the betterment of others (all whilst ignoring your own needs). Yet, which one allows you to climb the hierarchy quicker? Which one makes you look tougher and stronger in the eyes of others?
We have this paradox in society where people tell you to reach out to others and place your trust in them, all while the social and environmental needs of humans are completely ignored in favor of low efficacy drugs and therapy-interventions that often serve to demonise the individual and make them feel like defective products rather than provide them with any tangible solutions.
There is no sense of community anywhere, only surface level, opaque falsehoods that ostracize individuals who weren't lucky enough to be born into loving families or fit into pre-defined social constructs of charisma and extroversion. If you don't have these things, it's your fault. Everything is a YOU problem.
No one wants to be seen meddling in someone's affairs, even if it could change a person's life for the better. We are told we need to love ourselves first before anyone could give a damn about us, when a person's sense of self is fundamentally shaped by their genetics and the environment they grew up in. Memories are what mould us.
No child chooses to be unloved, yet when these neglected children grow up, people tell them it's their responsibility to "address the trauma" and magically manifest confidence/experiences they've been deprived of. By adulthood, you are trying to fumble your way around the connections that have already formed in your brain.
All of this comes about because people refuse to admit there currently is no cure for ptsd, and all of the current mental health paradigms are completely failing those who have to endure chronic, incurable suffering.
Yet those who have never experienced prolonged isolation and torture will seriously believe that a scripted one hour therapy session every week will be a panacea for deeply seated scarring. This applies to any sort of illness, whether it be chronic pain, longterm injuries, ptsd, anxiety, bpd, chronic fatigue syndrome, etc etc. If this "help" isn't curing you, regardless of your problem, you aren't trying.
It all boils down to selfishness. People don't want to address the intrinsic societal issues that breed isolation, nor do they want to address the immense control DNA has over their lives, so they toss the burden to the "professionals" and wash their hands of you.
Simeltanously, suicidal people will lose all connections and often be degraded by those in their vicinity, then be told they are the selfish ones for making others grieve in their wake. I think the opposite is true here. The people who don't give a single shit about the suicidal person until they die are the selfish ones.
I find it sardonically amusing that the people who have everything are the fastest to berate those who have nothing. In my experience, it is always the people who are miraculously blessed with a stable home environment, good looks, wealth, health, and insane amounts of social connections who will blame us for our misfortune.
It's not their fault for thinking this way, after all, our perceptions are guided by past experiences. So when everything has worked out for them so far, how can we expect them to understand? Even I fell prey to this mentality a bit as a teenager, I couldn't fathom the true burden of chronic pain until it hit me like a freight train.
Yet rather than trying to remedy this, our culture has sunk further into the hole of "self-love" platitudes. A few days ago I was sitting in a hair salon getting my hair cut. In addition to me, all of the employees and patrons were women as well. A visibly upper class, attractive, married mother with kids was sitting there snickering about her disdain for "incels" and how they are pathetic virgins who throw hissy fits because they can't get laid. I am sure she also thinks they are not trying hard enough to love and improve themselves.
Even though I am a woman and obviously will never be able to fully comprehend what these men go through, I still have compassion for them. I really wanted to tell the woman she has no right to mock other people's problems when she is objectively sitting in a position of privledge, not having to work because she is married, and getting expensive hair treatments done in a salon.
Once again, a prime example of one's character being attacked for their suffering. I'm sure if her husband left her and she was struggling to find another partner, she wouldn't be laughing. This viscous cycle keeps repeating itself where I witness this sort of behavior from other people and it further dampens any hope I have left.
There are so many people out there whose lives would be brightened by having a stable presence in their day to day life. There are elderly people with no families who rot alone in care homes, with no companionship to be seen. It is pitiful and tragic. I have even been told off by the few people I do have in my life for sticking by someone or trying to help them when, "it's not my problem."
When I have lamented about my lack of family and friends to someone recently, I was word for word told if I want a family, I need to have a child, because that's what every other normal adult does. Also, I was told that no one is ever going to embrace me as a part of their family unit, so I need to get over it. All this achieved was resurfacing hurtful memories where my Foster siblings told me it didn't matter that I was leaving, because I'm not their "real sister."
To me, this mindset is absolutely appalling and proves how much people value DNA and its replication above all else. If you can't care about someone without the presence of a specific amino acid residue in their cells, then I'm sorry, but you are no better than a worm with no prefrontal cortex who can't think for itself. Everyone deserves to be loved regardless of how similar their DNA is to yours.
It is a harsh reality that biological nuclear families are prioritised and if you don't have one, you're shit out of luck, but also, your partners can be as ephemeral as they want because no one has any obligation to care about you unless they're getting some sort of pleasure out of it. Love is conditional.
The problem with people is that sociocultural influences only serve to fuel this hands off, hedonistic mindset, where of us with issues are left for the wolves, where the medical industry is elevated and diefied to God status (They must have all the answers and cures for everything that ails you!) and isolation is normalised as a punishment for not being loud and desirable enough.
You know, I would feel far better if people openly admitted to the fact that they practice social darwinism and survival of the fittest, but they don't. Platidues are plastered nearly everywhere you look, about how disabled and disadvantaged humans are valued, and we matter, yet reality begs to differ when it comes to this sugar-coated narrative.
Diversity is only celebrated when it is increasing productivity and serving as inspiration porn. People within marginalised groups who aren't glamourizised media friendly success stories are ignored and abandoned.
I have suffered my whole life from various disabilities, born with autism and now physically incapacitated in multiple ways, and there has never been anything but surface level support. The prevailing message is that I don't deserve love because I am not providing pleasure and hedonism for other people. I am boring. I am broken.
There is no system out there for connecting individuals who are truly on their own. Just individualised therapy, group therapy (where you can't even befriend the other people in the group) and home care for when you get to the absolute point of no return and can no longer physically care for yourself. Even then, this is limited to the most extreme cases where the person would likely starve to death with no intervention.
People are accustomed to the modern, artifical way of living where social connections are disposable and can be cut off at anytime. Nothing is meaningful. I have experienced it firsthand how people will talk so sweetly to you and pretend to understand, then throw you away when they can no longer have sex with you for their own selfish pleasure and use you up.
To add insult to injury, those people who can pop off to a new job in the drop of the hat, buy the finest clothes money has to offer, date nearly any one they want to pursue, dance the night away in clubs, etc will seriously tell you that you could have the same lifestyle as them if you tinkered with your personality and learned to hide your flaws.
I am tired of the selfishness. I am not allowed to ctb yet it is perfectly acceptable to treat me like garbage for wanting to exit this world. The same person who pretended to understand my problems and made false promises like taking me to meet his family at Christmas has all but ditched me. The reason for this, in his own words was, "Not for your sake, but my own, so I have the freedom of no commitments". Now this person has nothing more to say than "Wow, that sucks, you need to try harder to go outside. I'm sure you'll find new people eventually."
My legs hurt everyday, so does my back, my head, my hands, my feet. My vision is permanently distorted. I am constantly fatigued and sleep around 10 hours a day because my body physically can't stay awake. I constantly run fevers, feel like I'm freezing to death, have swollen lymph nodes, and have to watch my fingers and toes turn purple and go numb due to my poor circulation. Not only that, but I'm an autistic freak with palpable anomalies in my speech.
Yeah sure I can just hit up the club like you! What a sick joke. People can go from being supportive and offering to help you to nearly ghosting you completely as soon as they decide you aren't useful in their quest for surviving as long as possible and spreading their genes.
This is definitely a huge reason why I am going to ctb. I can't take the constant deception, selfishness, and lies from people. I wish they would just be straight up in regards to their thoughts about us "have nots" rather than playing pretend and enticing us with false pretenses.
Perhaps that makes me selfish too, to crave intimacy and connection so much. I don't want to live anymore.
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