The problem is me

[Noisette]

I can't deal with the fact that I'm a problem for everyone around me. My existence is a burden.
I have to stop wasting my time and plan seriously this suicide.
Should I do it during the weekend or weekdays? What's less disturbing for others?

 

[bov]

What kind of burden?

 

[Noisette]

What kind of burden?

Idk how to answer that

 

[_Kaira_]

I can't deal with the fact that I'm a problem for everyone around me. My existence is a burden.

I relate to this way too much.

 

[W’ren]

I also relate to this. I am a burden to everyone around me as well. It's not a good feeling-

The only thing is that i grasped hold of planning and seriously began to plan.

I began with my will, and i only have a vague date- i still have a couple of letters to write if i choose to write them... and i need to get my will witnessed but for all of these i have a timeline,

 

[Tired of existing]

You should stop caring about being an "inconvenience" to other people that much in this regard in my opinion.

Think about it, if you would be dead, it might be very likely you will never get to know their reaction anyway.
It probably won't matter.
Instead focus on why you feel this way and thus want to ctb and what can be done about it.
Is this really the only way out?
For some it is, for others it may be not the rigt time to go.

I know it's easy to say, but what other people think of you is one of the least important things for every human beings.
Other people don't walk in your shoes, you do.

When life and death is concerned, the approval or disapproval of fellow humans has little meaning.

 

[Noisette]

You should stop caring about being an "inconvenience" to other people that much in this regard in my opinion.

Think about it, if you would be dead, it might be very likely you will never get to know their reaction anyway.
It probably won't matter.
Instead focus on why you feel this way and thus want to ctb and what can be done about it.
Is this really the only way out?
For some it is, for others it may be not the rigt time to go.

I know it's easy to say, but what other people think of you is one of the least important things for every human beings.
Other people don't walk in your shoes, you do.

When life and death is concerned, the approval or disapproval of fellow humans has little meaning.

They will approve and be relieved when I die, just like me.
I'm planning on leaving tonight

 

[drwt]

They will approve and be relieved when I die, just like me.
I'm planning on leaving tonight

No they won't. It's your ill mind that makes you believe that. They'll mourn and miss you.
The feeling of being useless and a burden comes from your trauma, it's fake and only in your head. You're worth as much as everyone else, no more no less.

 

[Tired of existing]

They will approve and be relieved when I die, just like me.
I'm planning on leaving tonight

Sorry to hear that.
I hope you find peace in whatever path you choose.

Me personally, when I go, other people and their attitude towards me won"t be on my mind.
I would want to die in peace and have this moment for myself.
It"s not that I don"t "like" other people and disregard their opimion, it"s just that it won"t matter to a dead man.

When we are dead, all concerns of this world are gone and in a way, we are finally free.
Yet such a drastic measure should be thought through first.

I would dump all persons in my life who drag me down before i ctb, cut all ties and walk away from them.
There is nothing to loose in doing that.
Maybe you could get to know better people and if not, the bus is always ready to be catched the next day,

Heck, I would become a truck/bus driver for a while to clear my mind, get financially stable and start over again.
Nothing wrong with that, there are always options out there.

 

[Noisette]

Sorry to hear that.
I hope you find peace in whatever path you choose.

Me personally, when I go, other people and their attitude towards me won"t be on my mind.
I would want to die in peace and have this moment for myself.
It"s not that I don"t "like" other people and disregard their opimion, it"s just that it won"t matter to a dead man.

When we are dead, all concerns of this world are gone and in a way, we are finally free.
Yet such a drastic measure should be thought through first.

I would dump all persons in my life who drag me down before i ctb, cut all ties and walk away from them.
There is nothing to loose in doing that.
Maybe you could get to know better people and if not, the bus is always ready to be catched the next day,

Heck, I would become a truck/bus driver for a while to clear my mind, get financially stable and start over again.
Nothing wrong with that, there are always options out there.

I wish I could start over but everything is failing.
It was nice reading you.
I got super sick earlier tonight and fell asleep

No they won't. It's your ill mind that makes you believe that. They'll mourn and miss you.
The feeling of being useless and a burden comes from your trauma, it's fake and only in your head. You're worth as much as everyone else, no more no less.

It's been like that since I can remember.

I relate to this way too much.

How do you deal with this?

 

[drwt]

It's been like that since I can remember.

And it will forever be like that unless you make the right changes.
Two choices:
- Either you give up and ctb. That is the easy option but you might miss a potentially happy life.
- Second choice is that you go into therapy and work hard to improve.
This one is very difficult and painful, ngl (but nothing in life that is worth it is easy to obtain).
Most of our problems come from some sort of trauma that happened when we were kids (mostly abuse or neglect) and we're not even aware of it but it didn't let us develop properly. Now we're half humans that can't cope with anything. Traumatizing stuff can happen later in your life too but chances are that you get over it if your childhood was ok and you don't have an illness impeding you.

You've got to find a therapist that you resonate with and you've got to want to change, You'll figure out the root of your trauma and go through some sort of emotional death and rebirth (from uncomfortable to painful). This can take years of work sometimes, it depends how qualified the therapist is and how willing you are. Meds can help too but I honestly don't approve of them - they numb instead of heal. You wanna embrace the pain, not hide from it.

What you choose is up to you. But asking others how they cope and trying to find loopholes to temporarily escape the suffering won't work.

 

[Shahanshah]

I can't deal with the fact that I'm a problem for everyone around me. My existence is a burden.
I have to stop wasting my time and plan seriously this suicide.
Should I do it during the weekend or weekdays? What's less disturbing for others?

I am also suffering from same issue. I am only cause of all of my problems. I hate so much myself. When everything was going smooth my life then I fucked everything.

 

[Tired_Tired]

It's good because you have someone cared about you.

 

[Tired of existing]

I would make a list with priorities, create a path moving forward if I were in your shoes.
Just one step after another, a slow buildup, could take years.
First get financially stable, then find a therapist, get close to people you like, get close to a field of work you like.

Honestly, without money, you have no chances in this brutal world, especially in the US, if that darwinian mess is your place of residency.
Ctb would be the best option for you if you can't create a stable income to support your basics neccessities first.
Without a paycheck you won't find help in this messed up world, keeping it 100%.

I would look for a job, any job where I can stick to myself and make an income.
Truck / bus driving, security, construction, clerk, whatever is available on short notice.

With money and a cashflow of a stable monthly income you can start to cut out your own path.
You could go out and find therapists of your choice.
Since you pay them, they are more likely be able to help you with your problems.

In my experience money also solves all problems with shattered family / friends relations.
All the people who spit on you when you are broke and a burden suddenly start to repect you in a way and become helpfull, not hurtfull.

Once you get on stable footing, you can move towards jobs that are more of your liking.
That could require training and more education, yet those that try hard usually land eventually in their field of passion or at least in jobs that don't drag them down too much.

Get in close proximity to people in line of works that you like and always ask yourself "What do I have to do, to become like them and do what they do?"
If nursing sounds like a good idea for example, try to work at a hospital as part of the janitorial staff and watch what nurses do all day.
Then you can decide to go to nursing school for example and get a full education in 3 years in a field of work that has always demand for labour.

Good luck.