The pressure to be perfect

[Jamesbond]

Does anyone else heap pressure on themselves to be perfect at everything they do, to the point everything you do becomes unenjoyable.
I had lots of hobbies as a young person. And now I can't even bare thinking about them because I made mistakes at them.
I know it's completely irrational but my brain just tells me everything is shit.
The latest example of this is, I had a stay in hospital about 5/6 years ago, I met this guy who was incredible at drawing, and he taught me some basic stuff, I did 3 or 4 pictures in my stay at the hospital and when i came home I became obsessed with it. Watching endless videos investing in good equipment, and seeing the flaws in my last drawings. Within a few attempts I was drawing things closer to photo realistic quality, that most people would no doubt be happy with, but then I made a mistake on one of my drawings, never finished it and my brain was stuck in a cycle of telling me how shit I was, to the point i gave away my crayons and gave up.
It's been a constant pattern in my life.
If I'm fixated on cutting the grass it has to be perfect, even though I can go 5 years without having a shower or a shave, everything else has to be right or my brain beats me up.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It definitely gets to me when I do a sub standard job. If I happen to be around other people when I screw up- it will feel catastrophic and I'll likely make a whole string of mistakes because I'll be doubting myself and fixating on the first one.

Because I've ended up working in a creative job though- I've had to learn to try and moderate that need to be a perfectionist. Projects often have a tight deadline with a limited materials budget. It's kind of horses for courses too. I found a niche where the work wasn't expected to be Da Vinci level. Which I wouldn't be able to achieve- even with more time.

It's like something's gotta give though. If you're expected to produce thirty of something and you only produce one to a high standard- the client won't be happy. I have worked with a company who's artist was amazing. But- they spent so much time on one thing, the entire project wasn't finished in time.

That meant a different group of us were up all night to bodge job the rest of it! I had my own stuff to do but, ended up helping them too. And- it was the overall effect that mattered really. Their details were kind of lost when seen all together. So- it's like you have to sacrifice perfectionism to finish in time sometimes. Of course, if it's done as more of a hobby, there aren't those constraints.

Still- it still isn't always that useful. I think most people realise that practice makes perfect. If someone is so overwhelmed with the need to be perfect, they can't even make themselves start then- how can they improve?

Same goes for people who work so intensely that they burn themselves out. I work hard when I have deadlines but, I'm not crazy about it. I work hard from the start. I've known others work like crazy, get next to no sleep and then, have a meltdown for a few weeks where they're too incapacitated to work. I just tend to doubt that the few extra hours they did on top of my schedule really compensated for the few weeks off they then needed to take. It looked like false economy to me.

That said- we can't exactly control what feels most comfortable to us and sometimes, we have no choice. The deadlines are so short- we have to go flat out. I suppose it's kind of the same with perfectionism though. I think we have to question whether it is actually serving us.

I studied drawing for a while and tutors would set different projects to try and break us loose of that need for something to look good. We'd have to do a 30 second sketch say. We'd be asked to draw the subject without looking at the drawing. We'd use tools that were more bold. The biggest one was not being allowed to erase mistakes. I assume because tutors realise that this need to make something look good sometimes holds us back.

It's also rare to have something you're entirely happy with. That's how we grow. By recognising that we could have done better on that part. If we hit perfectionism each time- where would we go from there?

 

[ScaredCutter]

ive lost a lot of hobbies and goals due to failing, even if its once or minor fuck up. i dropped art, even if its painting or drawing. i was stuck in a loop of comparing myself to everything and, when i saw something that looked way better, i eventually gave up. i couldnt feel happy anymore relating to art. i also really want to build in games but, i suck at it and knowing that if i even TRY to start, id give up instantly because itll never look good or the way i imagined it. i dropped a lot of sports because i dropped the skill or them because i stopped playing them. theres even certain games i like but when i feel like im not good at ti anymore, i jsut drop it and leave even if i have progression. i rage hard at things i suck at and complain a lot. i cant push myself to keep playing FPS or stratergy games because of how slow i am at it and that ill lose often.

ill never be able to get back into what i loved/enjoyed because my view on it is just gone and ruined.

teachers expectations also just worsen things. if it never felt up to par w/ them, id keep redoing it a lot or just give up.

 

[Jamesbond]

It definitely gets to me when I do a sub standard job. If I happen to be around other people when I screw up- it will feel catastrophic and I'll likely make a whole string of mistakes because I'll be doubting myself and fixating on the first one.

Because I've ended up working in a creative job though- I've had to learn to try and moderate that need to be a perfectionist. Projects often have a tight deadline with a limited materials budget. It's kind of horses for courses too. I found a niche where the work wasn't expected to be Da Vinci level. Which I wouldn't be able to achieve- even with more time.

It's like something's gotta give though. If you're expected to produce thirty of something and you only produce one to a high standard- the client won't be happy. I have worked with a company who's artist was amazing. But- they spent so much time on one thing, the entire project wasn't finished in time.

That meant a different group of us were up all night to bodge job the rest of it! I had my own stuff to do but, ended up helping them too. And- it was the overall effect that mattered really. Their details were kind of lost when seen all together. So- it's like you have to sacrifice perfectionism to finish in time sometimes. Of course, if it's done as more of a hobby, there aren't those constraints.

Still- it still isn't always that useful. I think most people realise that practice makes perfect. If someone is so overwhelmed with the need to be perfect, they can't even make themselves start then- how can they improve?

Same goes for people who work so intensely that they burn themselves out. I work hard when I have deadlines but, I'm not crazy about it. I work hard from the start. I've known others work like crazy, get next to no sleep and then, have a meltdown for a few weeks where they're too incapacitated to work. I just tend to doubt that the few extra hours they did on top of my schedule really compensated for the few weeks off they then needed to take. It looked like false economy to me.

That said- we can't exactly control what feels most comfortable to us and sometimes, we have no choice. The deadlines are so short- we have to go flat out. I suppose it's kind of the same with perfectionism though. I think we have to question whether it is actually serving us.

I studied drawing for a while and tutors would set different projects to try and break us loose of that need for something to look good. We'd have to do a 30 second sketch say. We'd be asked to draw the subject without looking at the drawing. We'd use tools that were more bold. The biggest one was not being allowed to erase mistakes. I assume because tutors realise that this need to make something look good sometimes holds us back.

It's also rare to have something you're entirely happy with. That's how we grow. By recognising that we could have done better on that part. If we hit perfectionism each time- where would we go from there?

Thanks for the reply, I get what you're saying, but it doesn't resonate with what I experience mate. I don't expect anyone else to experience it. It's really extreme and I'm aware of how weird it is. I've had periods where my kitchen is so disgusting I could barely open the door to get into it, I've not showered for years, my clothes are sticking to me, but if my carpets aren't perfectly hoovered and shampoo'd with a perfect pattern I drive myself crazy with it. But then a few weeks later that idea goes out of my head and I'll be sat cutting myself with blood dripping on the carpet not giving a shit.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Thanks for the reply, I get what you're saying, but it doesn't resonate with what I experience mate. I don't expect anyone else to experience it. It's really extreme and I'm aware of how weird it is. I've had periods where my kitchen is so disgusting I could barely open the door to get into it, I've not showered for years, my clothes are sticking to me, but if my carpets aren't perfectly hoovered and shampoo'd with a perfect pattern I drive myself crazy with it. But then a few weeks later that idea goes out of my head and I'll be sat cutting myself with blood dripping on the carpet not giving a shit.

It sounds awful for you and I can understand- it's not always something we can control. Our various complusions. Not that it likely makes it any better for you but, it's not the first time I've heard of people with such obsessions over specific things. I'm sorry though. It does sound like it is taking its toll on your life.