Hello. I'm new to the forum but have been lurking for a while. After reading many stories, all unique, I wanted to share the reasons why I want to ctb.
I am 38 and I had a good life a few years back. I was working overseas for a good wage, with a stable social life, and a girlfriend that I loved deeply.
I was very lucky to get to this point in my life. But It took ONE bad decision to see everything go terribly wrong.
My girlfriend wanted to move out of the country we were living in. She had that stupid dream of living in my home country, France. And I loved her so much that I eventually accepted to follow her, and quit the job I had.
But my field of work is very specific, and its almost impossible to get a job with no contacts. And I had none in France. She, on the other hand, was working as an international teacher, so she could find work anywhere.
The fact that I was not able to work put my in a deep depression, that affected my relationship. After a few month of this, my girlfriend , who already made a new social life with work, eventually left me for a richer guy. It totally crushed me. Also I
was feeling so guilty to have taken such a naive decision to leave the country I was living in. I was left there alone, jobless and depressed.
For a couple of years, Ive drowned my sadness into alcohol and pot. Then one night, I had a severe psychotic attack. I behaved so weirdly that some of my family and friends cut all ties with me.
I went to a psychiatric ward for a few weeks, which truly traumatized me.
When I finally got out, all I could think of was to end my life. I've embarassed myself beyond belief, lost everything I worked for, lost all possibility of reaching any of my dreams. I am alone, with no kids, and no hope of finding someone ever again, because I am a middle aged man with no money.
Today Ive been jobless too long to work in my field again, so Im working at a pathetic phoning job to survive, which makes me more miserable everyday. My dream is to leave this world quietly and finally leave the burden of this life behind.
I am 38 and I had a good life a few years back. I was working overseas for a good wage, with a stable social life, and a girlfriend that I loved deeply.
I was very lucky to get to this point in my life. But It took ONE bad decision to see everything go terribly wrong.
My girlfriend wanted to move out of the country we were living in. She had that stupid dream of living in my home country, France. And I loved her so much that I eventually accepted to follow her, and quit the job I had.
But my field of work is very specific, and its almost impossible to get a job with no contacts. And I had none in France. She, on the other hand, was working as an international teacher, so she could find work anywhere.
The fact that I was not able to work put my in a deep depression, that affected my relationship. After a few month of this, my girlfriend , who already made a new social life with work, eventually left me for a richer guy. It totally crushed me. Also I
was feeling so guilty to have taken such a naive decision to leave the country I was living in. I was left there alone, jobless and depressed.
For a couple of years, Ive drowned my sadness into alcohol and pot. Then one night, I had a severe psychotic attack. I behaved so weirdly that some of my family and friends cut all ties with me.
I went to a psychiatric ward for a few weeks, which truly traumatized me.
When I finally got out, all I could think of was to end my life. I've embarassed myself beyond belief, lost everything I worked for, lost all possibility of reaching any of my dreams. I am alone, with no kids, and no hope of finding someone ever again, because I am a middle aged man with no money.
Today Ive been jobless too long to work in my field again, so Im working at a pathetic phoning job to survive, which makes me more miserable everyday. My dream is to leave this world quietly and finally leave the burden of this life behind.
