The Past

[sleepless]

The past

You carry it with you wherever you go

No matter what you do

You can't run from it

You can't control it

I'll always be me

It's already been written

The book of life

 

[Final_frontier]

What happened? If you don't mind sharing.

 

[sleepless]

It's about my depression. If one were to beat the odds to start a new life, fresh somewhere else, how long will it take for the sickness to catch up with one again. It's about the people it made us hurt in the past. It's the irreversible, uncontrollable things it made us commit in the past. Can we really change our future carrying this affliction on our shoulders. Can we really ever forget, when every little strand of these indocile thoughts, strives to bring us back to where we started.

But I'm thinking those words could apply to anyone of us here, each to their own interpretation.

 

[Final_frontier]

It's about my depression. If one were to beat the odds to start a new life, fresh somewhere else, how long will it take for the sickness to catch up with one again. It's about the people it made us hurt in the past. It's the irreversible, uncontrollable things it made us commit in the past. Can we really change our future carrying this affliction on our shoulders. Can we really ever forget, when every little strand of these indocile thoughts, strives to bring us back to where we started.

But I'm thinking those words could apply to anyone of us here, each to their own interpretation.

Wow, your words sound exactly like what I want to say but English is not my first language. I too have problems letting go of the past. Are you seeing a therapist? You need to take a break from your job/education etc and try to start again. That's what I'm doing now.

 

[sleepless]

One thing I forgot to add, is also the things people did to hurt us.

You are right, it's never easy. Sometimes I fantasize about having a lobotomy, just in hopes of forgetting everything. I'm not seeing anybody, I have issues trusting mental health caregivers. I did just take a break, but I have learnt that it never changes anything. My mind is a disaster.

I've already prepared my methods. But sometimes I feel like taking one last shot, just packing my bags and leave. Become a travel nomad, either till my money runs out, and then I will CTB during my journey, or maybe I will find some kind of salvation on the way, which seeks to extend my will to live...but for how long...

 

[Final_frontier]

One thing I forgot to add, is also the things people did to hurt us.

You are right, it's never easy. Sometimes I fantasize about having a lobotomy, just in hopes of forgetting everything. I'm not seeing anybody, I have issues trusting mental health caregivers. I did just take a break, but I have learnt that it never changes anything. My mind is a disaster.

I've already prepared my methods. But sometimes I feel like taking one last shot, just packing my bags and leave. Become a travel nomad, either till my money runs out, and then I will CTB during my journey, or maybe I will find some kind of salvation on the way, which seeks to extend my will to live...but for how long...

How did you lose your trust in therapy? I think you may benefit from therapy. Why don't you give it a shot? Do you suffer from insomnia.? Then, that must be addressed. Depression is a state of mind in which only the negative stuff occupies our minds, only the negative things people say sticks. It may not be facts.