The only time I feel happiness

[Cashewmilk]

The only times when I feel true happiness inside, is when I have my drugs (smoking heroin/fent).... lol. I do it everyday because I'm physically addicted, and it's not easy to get it everyday. I've gone through hell getting it these past years. Now it's much easier because I cut down a lot, but it just fills me with a wave of happiness for a few moments. It honestly feels so nice and when I don't have it then I'm totally bummed, in the past I wanted to die when I didn't have it. It's definitely a self medicating habit for my mental disorders.

 

[Sensei]

I understand you. Escapism in on form or another is sometimes the only way we can cope with reality. You've simply chosen a particularly destructive form of escapism. My memory has been worn down by frequent depressive episodes and occasional hypomanic episodes, but I seem to remember that you're bipolar. You might know it already, but an estimated 30–50 % of all bipolar people get stuck in addiction at some point in their life. (I'm bipolar II and thus even more prone to addiction. Luckily, I don't really have access to illegal drugs.) It's perhaps irrelevant when it comes to breaking your addiction, but haven't you been prescribed medicines, and if so, don't they work?

 

[Cashewmilk]

I understand you. Escapism in on form or another is sometimes the only way we can cope with reality. You've simply chosen a particularly destructive form of escapism. My memory has been worn down by frequent depressive episodes and occasional hypomanic episodes, but I seem to remember that you're bipolar. You might know it already, but an estimated 30–50 % of all bipolar people get stuck in addiction at some point in their life. (I'm bipolar II and thus even more prone to addiction. Luckily, I don't really have access to illegal drugs.) It's perhaps irrelevant when it comes to breaking your addiction, but haven't you been prescribed medicines, and if so, don't they work?

Yup I've exhausted myself trying to get help in my city. The excuses I get from doctors "the mental health is seriously underfunded here, I'm sorry there's nothing I can do". That, and I've been using drugs nonstop for 17 years, I didn't go a year without using some type of drug like cocaine weed etc before my heroin addiction. The whole time everyone refused to give me mental help because I wasn't clean, and they didn't offer any resources or help to get clean, they just told me when I was 18 and suicidal "you have to quit self medicating" and that's it. I was very young and naive I thought I was getting the best care I live in Canada ffs.
They declared I am self medicating and that's that. I've had my bipolar disorder since I was very young, so I got hospitalized and diagnosed before I touched drugs. I was on seroquel (quetiapine) once, when I was 18... I quickly gave up at the lack of follow up care and the side effects, I was gaining weight really fast and my mom was worried about my heart .. so I just stopped and started bingeing again on coke, alcohol and weed. That was my go to before except I never got physically addicted. Heroin is a whole other ballgame. So no, I've never gotten help for my mental illness.

 

[Sensei]

Yup I've exhausted myself trying to get help in my city. The excuses I get from doctors "the mental health is seriously underfunded here, I'm sorry there's nothing I can do". That, and I've been using drugs nonstop for 17 years, I didn't go a year without using some type of drug like cocaine weed etc before my heroin addiction. The whole time everyone refused to give me mental help because I wasn't clean, and they didn't offer any resources or help to get clean, they just told me when I was 18 and suicidal "you have to quit self medicating" and that's it. I was very young and naive I thought I was getting the best care I live in Canada ffs.
They declared I am self medicating and that's that. I've had my bipolar disorder since I was very young, so I got hospitalized and diagnosed before I touched drugs. I was on seroquel (quetiapine) once, when I was 18... I quickly gave up at the lack of follow up care and the side effects, I was gaining weight really fast and my mom was worried about my heart .. so I just stopped and started bingeing again on coke, alcohol and weed. That was my go to before except I never got physically addicted. Heroin is a whole other ballgame. So no, I've never gotten help for my mental illness.

I get so incredibly sad when I read this. It's such a vicious illness and no one can handle it on their own. You shoulde have received proper treatment from the very beginning. It's very common to have to try several different medicines before one that works is found. I get just as surprised as you when you tell me that you're from Canada and don't get the help you need. I shan't bore you with the details, but I've read up on different healthcare systems quite extensively, and Canada's is supposed to be one of the best in the world.

I think it's normal procedure to demand successful rehabailitation before offering treatment in most pshyciatric healthcare systems. Don't they offer you help to break your addiction? If I understand it correctly, rehabilitation works a little bit differently when you're bipolar, as it's not really a matter of underlying psychological issues such as low self-esteem, but of a chemical imbalance in the brain. Statistics show that bipolar people prefer stimulants to sedatives during manic and hypomanic episodes. Can this be used somehow in your efforts to break your addiction?