Venting The only relief lies in the thought of non existence

[FuneralCry]

The truth is that to exist really is such a terrible thing, it's a curse how life is even able to exist in this world, with existing beings having the ability to suffer to such extreme extents. I've always viewed existence as being an unnecessary burden that I've never wanted anything to do with, it's a cruel thing to inflict this life onto someone all for selfish reasons and cause them to suffer all for the sake of it. There are no benefits to existing in this world where chance so cruelly determines everything and anyway all that we are destined for is to suffer, deteriorate and die. To me something so useless and tedious as existing could never be worth it in any way with the risk always being there of ending up in a situation of even worse torture, and all of this is why the thought of being gone comforts me.

Death removes all worries, all concerns and whatever we experienced in this life won't even be a distant memory. To me, suicide would be an act of compassion, but of course in this hellish world there is no straightforward way to exit and I see this as being something so terrible.

But it's true that at least for me death is the only relief from this punishment called life and I certainly envy those who are already gone. There are simply no disadvantages to being dead and this is why the thought of being gone is something so incredibly ideal to me. I very strongly believe that we just cease to exist after this with not even the awareness that we are dead, so therefore suicide could never be a negative or a sad thing. In fact it's perfection to me, returning to that ideal state of not existing where I won't have to be concerned with anything anymore and I have always felt so much comfort in the thought of non existence. There could never be anything appealing about staying in this cruel world filled with endless torment and it would certainly be ideal to have the option to pass away in our sleep, but sadly such an ideal way to die doesn't seem to be an option for us. The only ones who are really fortunate are those who are already gone as they are free from what the true problem is which is life itself.

 

[the_town_manager]

What's the main thing that's holding you back from trying to go through with it? The survival instinct or fear of being saved or the risk of surviving and damaging your health or something else entirely?

Let me preempt anyone that already got out their pitchforks, and say that, no, this isn't me encouraging her to commit suicide. It's me asking about the seeming mismatch between her stated beliefs, which are 100% pro-death, and the fact that she doesn't seem to be actively trying to achieve her goal. I have never seen anyone more adamant about death being the right thing for them. Since her views are already 100% pro-death, nothing I say can make her more pro-death. And I think common sense dictates that if someone says suicide is 100% what they desire, and they say it consistently for over 2 years straight, then it should be possible to ask them what it is exactly that's holding them back without it being taken as a suggestion to go through with it instead of a genuine question.

 

[Fl4u]

The truth is that to exist really is such a terrible thing, it's a curse how life is even able to exist in this world, with existing beings having the ability to suffer to such extreme extents. I've always viewed existence as being an unnecessary burden that I've never wanted anything to do with, it's a cruel thing to inflict this life onto someone all for selfish reasons and cause them to suffer all for the sake of it. There are no benefits to existing in this world where chance so cruelly determines everything and anyway all that we are destined for is to suffer, deteriorate and die. To me something so useless and tedious as existing could never be worth it in any way with the risk always being there of ending up in a situation of even worse torture, and all of this is why the thought of being gone comforts me.

Death removes all worries, all concerns and whatever we experienced in this life won't even be a distant memory. To me, suicide would be an act of compassion, but of course in this hellish world there is no straightforward way to exit and I see this as being something so terrible.

But it's true that at least for me death is the only relief from this punishment called life and I certainly envy those who are already gone. There are simply no disadvantages to being dead and this is why the thought of being gone is something so incredibly ideal to me. I very strongly believe that we just cease to exist after this with not even the awareness that we are dead, so therefore suicide could never be a negative or a sad thing. In fact it's perfection to me, returning to that ideal state of not existing where I won't have to be concerned with anything anymore and I have always felt so much comfort in the thought of non existence. There could never be anything appealing about staying in this cruel world filled with endless torment and it would certainly be ideal to have the option to pass away in our sleep, but sadly such an ideal way to die doesn't seem to be an option for us. The only ones who are really fortunate are those who are already gone as they are free from what the true problem is which is life itself.

After reading some of your messages I don't think I fear non existence anymore...

 

[msci4499]

The truth is that to exist really is such a terrible thing, it's a curse how life is even able to exist in this world, with existing beings having the ability to suffer to such extreme extents. I've always viewed existence as being an unnecessary burden that I've never wanted anything to do with, it's a cruel thing to inflict this life onto someone all for selfish reasons and cause them to suffer all for the sake of it. There are no benefits to existing in this world where chance so cruelly determines everything and anyway all that we are destined for is to suffer, deteriorate and die. To me something so useless and tedious as existing could never be worth it in any way with the risk always being there of ending up in a situation of even worse torture, and all of this is why the thought of being gone comforts me.

Death removes all worries, all concerns and whatever we experienced in this life won't even be a distant memory. To me, suicide would be an act of compassion, but of course in this hellish world there is no straightforward way to exit and I see this as being something so terrible.

But it's true that at least for me death is the only relief from this punishment called life and I certainly envy those who are already gone. There are simply no disadvantages to being dead and this is why the thought of being gone is something so incredibly ideal to me. I very strongly believe that we just cease to exist after this with not even the awareness that we are dead, so therefore suicide could never be a negative or a sad thing. In fact it's perfection to me, returning to that ideal state of not existing where I won't have to be concerned with anything anymore and I have always felt so much comfort in the thought of non existence. There could never be anything appealing about staying in this cruel world filled with endless torment and it would certainly be ideal to have the option to pass away in our sleep, but sadly such an ideal way to die doesn't seem to be an option for us. The only ones who are really fortunate are those who are already gone as they are free from what the true problem is which is life itself.

It must be really painful what you are going through, it certainly is such a cruel world that we exist in where there is such torment being experienced. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[blackwidow]

What's the main thing that's holding you back from trying to go through with it? The survival instinct or fear of being saved or the risk of surviving and damaging your health or something else entirely?

Let me preempt anyone that already got out their pitchforks, and say that, no, this isn't me encouraging her to commit suicide. It's me asking about the seeming mismatch between her stated beliefs, which are 100% pro-death, and the fact that she doesn't seem to be actively trying to achieve her goal. I have never seen anyone more adamant about death being the right thing for them. Since her views are already 100% pro-death, nothing I say can make her more pro-death. And I think common sense dictates that if someone says suicide is 100% what they desire, and they say it consistently for over 2 years straight, then it should be possible to ask them what it is exactly that's holding them back without it being taken as a suggestion to go through with it instead of a genuine question.

Don't let the pitchforks worry you.. Freedom of speech and your opinion matter as much as any others.. I've read some of the ops posts, all the same utter hatred cursed evil tormented ect existence she lives and hates everything about the world, and have wondered how she manages to even live another day here with such extreme feelings..i definitely couldn't of survived as long s she has.. But what we don't know is her mental state, maybe ctb is so terrifying that it over powers the hatred of the world.. Which in itself must be horrific to live with.. Totally trapped really.. Sometimes it pays not to try and read the mindset of anyone in here.. Wer all completly fuked up anyway..

 

[FuneralCry]

What's the main thing that's holding you back from trying to go through with it? The survival instinct or fear of being saved or the risk of surviving and damaging your health or something else entirely?

It's just the fact that for me suicide is really something so difficult and complicated with the more reliable methods being inaccessible. And I'm scared of ending up in a situation of much worse suffering from trying to attempt, the thought of failing suicide terrifies me so for now I just stay trapped in this existence. And despite how much I hate existing I'm scared of most of the suicide methods that aren't peaceful and reliable, mostly because of fear of failure like I said.

 

[downndone2]

Completely agree! I sit here dayafter day with crippling anxiety over all my awful choices thar have gotten me into this terrible mess. My only relief is thinking about not existing.

 

[Source Energy]

What's the main thing that's holding you back from trying to go through with it? The survival instinct or fear of being saved or the risk of surviving and damaging your health or something else entirely?

Let me preempt anyone that already got out their pitchforks, and say that, no, this isn't me encouraging her to commit suicide. It's me asking about the seeming mismatch between her stated beliefs, which are 100% pro-death, and the fact that she doesn't seem to be actively trying to achieve her goal. I have never seen anyone more adamant about death being the right thing for them. Since her views are already 100% pro-death, nothing I say can make her more pro-death. And I think common sense dictates that if someone says suicide is 100% what they desire, and they say it consistently for over 2 years straight, then it should be possible to ask them what it is exactly that's holding them back without it being taken as a suggestion to go through with it instead of a genuine question.

I was wondering about the same thing, but didn't wanna ask for the same reason.
how about SN? pretty reliable, they say

 

[SamTam33]

What's holding any of us back?

I've counted exactly 374 reasons. Everything from A-Z:

I need permission.

My parents still need me to do stuff around the house.

I don't know what to do with my twin ferrets.

There's a thread right now with 70 responses as to what's stopping people from ctb'ing.

Nobody here has accomplished the ultimate goal.

So we come back everyday and wax philosophical about life. We complain. We air our grievances. We fantasize about scenarios that would transform our lives.

But we're still here. All of us. Doing and saying the same shit everyday.

One day, in due time, hopefully we'll all get what we want.